[fyregurlie]

I know it seems like I have been a dormat, but like I said before, I have gone through some pretty crazy relationships.. So when I first started dating him, I was pretty gaurded- and finally after a while of getting to know him, I did let my guard down a little bit; I have had a very hard time trusting guys after the last few before him, so for me to put my guard I had down for him, and then him turn around and break up with me, doesn't really feel so great... it just kind of makes me put even more walls up... so how do you know when to trust someone then. Yes I am trying to grow up with this whole thing, but my heart was just shattered by someone I grew to love and trust- so I guess that's why Im on here; this is my way of trying to grow up even more; by getting advice from others and seeing that Im not alone in this... Im just really hurt right now, and Im back to the whole very gaurded person.. is this a good thing or a bad thing? Should I be hurt or was it my fault for getting myself hurt because I finally opened up to him and once again got shut down. It took me a long time to trust again.. which is why it's hard for me right now, and I keep thinking it was my fault, which Im sure some part of it is, but when I was with him, he gave me no reason not to trust him... not until he told me about his feelings for his ex, and broke up with me.. BAH! I don't know what to think. I know I seem really niave and guillable, but it's hard to be gaurded for so long and then open up to someone and really love them and feel loved back from them and then have them turn into this completely different person.. I don't know.. I don't know what to think, or where to go from here. I don't want to date anyone right now, not just for my sake but for theirs because Im not even sure about myself anymore... please... help...

[mysticque]

First of all I'm very sorry to hear your story. I know how it hurts when you pretty much ready to embrace the new clear horizon and all of the sudden storms coming on their way. I've done same process as you do. Honestly I do it every time I meet new people. It sux to be me!

I'll tell you about myself. I grew up as a boy and became a full woman at 20s. To my knowledge, only my family, some friends, and x-bfs know this and perhaps some of the readers here. But neither anyone else on earth know about me. Every time I open a new relationship, it's like tearing down my haven. All of it. It hurts but I do it. I want to be honest with the person. I want them honest to me. I want to know what are the other possibilities out there. But that doesn't mean that person will be stuck with me no matter what happens. It's just another stage of life that we have to go through. I'm sure there are many reasons that can explain why he left. Your behaviour, his attraction, past experience, we could go on list of factors to be considered, endless. But blame yourself? There's no point. I think that guy wasn't prepared what was behind the wall. To tell you the truth there's so many fish out there. And it won't be hassle if you just know how to hone your weapon. But if you can be daring enough to ask him that always work like magic.