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Gemini20 · Apr 9, 2009, 12:20 PM

I am a 24 yr old mother and about to go to court with my ex regarding custody/visitation for our 4 month old daughter. My ex is going to bring up that when I was just 21 I experimented with cocaine and briefly exctasy. I haven't done any drugs in nearly four years, was never in trouble with the law for drugs and do not even drink alcohol now. I have a bachelors degree and a double major in marketing and advertising, I have a full time, well paying job and am taking night classes for my nursing degree. I am also the only parent who has financially ever contributed to our daughter.

The only witness to the drug use he has is my first husband who I was barely married to (it was a stupid, compulsive decision to elope). I was 21 at the time and divorced him the same year. I filed a restraining order on him then, he was emotionally abusive and physically domineering; when I went to the court for the restraining order I found out he had a criminal record and has to register as a sex offender. (I obviously have terrible choice in men). Would this make any of his statements unreliable or will his testimony or written testimony hold any weight?

I made poor choices in the past but am extremely high functioning now, a diligent worker, a good mother, provider and person. My ex is a realtor who refuses to get a well paying job - I was forced to change jobs when I was 7 months pregnant in order to provide for my daughter. What should I expect when I go to court?

JudyKayTee · Apr 9, 2009, 12:30 PM

In order to lose custody you must present a danger to the child. Your "ex" can/will present proof that you are presently a danger or that your "bad behavior" is so dangerous that you could be a danger.

You will present your evidence to the contrary.

A Judge will possibly require both of you to be evaluated by a social worker, possibly drug tested, and then make a decision.

Your ex-husband's testimony is going to sound like what it is - revenge or sour grapes.

Gemini20 · Apr 9, 2009, 12:52 PM

Thank you JudyKayTee, that eases my mind a little bit. I appreciate your response.

JudyKayTee · Apr 9, 2009, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini20

Thank you JudyKayTee, that eases my mind a little bit. I appreciate your response.

I once heard a Family Court Judge tell someone, "It's not where you've been. It's where you're going."

Keep that in mind -

Justwantfair · Apr 9, 2009, 01:26 PM

My ex often tries to bring old information up.

They don't consider old situations as relevant. They want to know about everything that is currently going on.

Good luck to you.

Gemini20 · Apr 9, 2009, 03:27 PM

Wow, thank you both! I really appreciate your responses. I never thought I would find support like this in an online community. Thank you for taking the time to post.

Justwantfair · Apr 9, 2009, 04:42 PM

Stick around, peek around, next thing you know you will be hooked just like the rest of us, who visited with a question. ;)

Gemini20 · Apr 17, 2009, 03:59 PM

I was five months pregnant when I was filling out divorce papers. I have no other children I filed divorce with no children papers. The first set of papers did not say anything asking asking if the wife is pregnant at this time. I filed, husband signed, they were filed. The second round DID ask if I was pregnant. At the time, due to extreme duress, and heavy moving I was having to do at the time I was spotting profusely as having contractions; I half did not expect to carry the baby to term. I checked that I was not pregnant. They were filed divorce finalized. Now we are going to court for visitation and to establish custody. How bad is this for me. I now have great lawyers working for me

cdad · Apr 17, 2009, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini20

I was five months pregnant when I was filling out divorce papers. I have no other children I filed divorce with no children papers. The first set of papers did not say anything asking asking if the wife is pregnant at this time. I filed, husband signed, they were filed. The second round DID ask if I was pregnant. At the time, due to extreme duress, and heavy moving I was having to do at the time I was spotting profusely as having contractions; I half did not expect to carry the baby to term. I checked that I was not pregnant. They were filed divorce finalized. Now we are going to court for visitation and to establish custody. How bad is this for me. I now have great lawyers working for me

This is why they want to know so they can postpone things until the child is born and then wrap everything up. Your guilty of pujury at this point. The effect could render the divorce invalid or at least open to modification.