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wattsup · Apr 8, 2009, 04:47 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for only 3 months. I'm NOT in love with him even though he is incredibly supportive and an amazing person. I am 4 weeks pregnant and intend on moving in with him. I don't want to do this but I can't afford to do it without him. I feel that any decision I make is morally wrong. I don't want to cause him any unnecessary hurt. Any ideas?

DoulaLC · Apr 8, 2009, 04:52 AM

Do you have to move in with him? Could you stay where you are now? Things will be challenging enough, be sure you don't add to that by giving him reason to think that you are in love with him. He needs to know up front how you feel. Maybe in time your feelings will change, but you can't predict that.
If at all possible, do not move in with him unless he knows right from the start what the situation is. He can certainly help to support the baby without the two of you having to live together.

wattsup · Apr 8, 2009, 05:15 AM

Thank you so much for your respnse. Unfortunately I am in share accommodation so I will need to move regardless. He know's that I don't feel the same way about him. You are right, honesty is the best for everyone. And hopefully my feelings change. This has been very helpful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

Romefalls19 · Apr 8, 2009, 05:25 AM

Right now the best thing to do is think about your child, you two got pregnant early into your relationship, which I doubt was planned. The added stress of that is going to take a toll on you. A child can sense emotions and feelings better than any adult, so living with him and not being in love will be noticed by the child.

mudweiser · Apr 8, 2009, 05:30 AM

If you live in Canada you can apply for social assistance. They will help you find a place [also help you pay for your rent], give you some added health coverage, help you finish school [if you need it] and many other things.

MRS.S

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 05:58 AM

Did you watch Friends? Remember how Ross and Rachel had a baby. They raised the child together without even being boyfriend and girlfriend.

If he's as nice as you say he is, as long as you are upfront about your feelings for him, he will understand and respect you!

talaniman · Apr 8, 2009, 05:58 AM

Moving together is a lousy idea and will compound one mistake with another.

hopefully my feelings change.

If they don't your stuck. You can be good parents, without moving in together.

artlady · Apr 8, 2009, 06:11 AM

There are usually other options available if you choose them.

If you are pregnant and unable to work ,you can receive temporary assistance from the state.

It is a hand up in times of need,not a hand out.It does not have to become a lifestyle.
Many people are reluctant to accept this kind of help because they think it is demeaning.Sometimes we have no choice.

Social services can also help you with educational training,child care services and give you the tools to be an independent mother.

Look at your other options before you make a decision that will be difficult to remove yourself from in the future.Once you are living there and settled and with child,it will be more difficult to change your situation.

It has been my experience that you either love someone or you do not. I don't think love grows on you.

As has been said,you can be good parents without being in the same household.

mudweiser · Apr 8, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Did you watch Friends? Remember how Ross and Rachel had a baby. They raised the child together without even being boyfriend and girlfriend

Don't you know? T.V. shows are imaginary. It is rare to be in a situation and have it turn out like an episode off a sitcom.

Tal- thanks; I wasn't too sure if the U.S. provided that type of assistance, but thanks for the confirmation.

MRS.S

kelmom · Apr 8, 2009, 07:21 AM

If you don't love him, then you shouldn't move in with him. It's not fair to him, you or the baby.

Do you have family nearby that you could stay with? Friends?

If you try to make yourself feel things you don't feel, then it could all end up badly. Take the time you need to really think this through.

(((HUGS))))

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Don't you know? T.V. shows are imaginary. It is rare to be in a situation and have it turn out like an episode off a sitcom.

It might be imaginary, but I'm sure that there are guys out there who are just as understanding. It's just a possibility.

I mean, if you don't love him, he will find out eventually. So you can either confront him now and maybe he will be understanding. Or you can confront him later, but you would have to keep a secret this whole time.

I think you should confront him before considering moving in with him so that you are on the same page.

88sunflower · Apr 8, 2009, 12:09 PM

Do not move in with him just because you are pregnant. There are thousands of single mothers raising children out there, even millions. You will find a way. Get assistance. I don't know if all states offer it but see if your state offers WIC. It's a great program to get on. Provides you with food and formula from the day you become pregnant. It will all come together. When that baby comes you will just find a way to survive. You don't need to live with him if your not in love. He can be an equal parent in providing even though your not living in the same household. Down the road your son or daughter might thank you for that. You don't want them to see you on a loveless relationship.

ayejay0601 · Jun 1, 2009, 09:06 AM

Once you have a baby things change a lot. Suddenly, your love for the man becomes a lot less important and what becomes more important is how good of a father he is. Keep this in mind.