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inertia · Apr 5, 2009, 05:49 PM

Can everyone post some positive stories? Good things that came after a bad break up. There is so much advice given about traveling, going back to school and doing other things. How about some stories.

kctiger · Apr 5, 2009, 06:01 PM

Well, I don't really have a story. I can say I feel better about myself now than I ever have before. I have my own apartment, going to school full time, working a full time job and have a part time job, and just focusing on myself. I can go to bed now without taking Tylenol PM to help me sleep... I can take a nap now without constantly thinking of my ex... I can go to places and see people without feeling like my life is over. I laugh more, cry less, smile a lot and enjoy so much that life has to offer. Never thought I would be as happy and motivated as I am right now. I believe it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me, breaking up with her. Best of all, I am not angry, and I wish nothing but the best for her. Life is too short to carry anger.

I actually just called it quits with a VERY attractive gal because I didn't want a girlfriend. It feels good to know that I DO NOT need anyone to make me happy, and I can be happy by myself. That is the most positive thing I believe I have learned. Unequivocal happiness without the reliance of another person. To me, that is what living is!

I know it really isn't a story... Rome has a better one, but I feel that at least it gives hope to those who feel hopeless... especially if they knew how torn up when I was when I first came onto this website. I actually created a thread similar to this one entitled "The Joys of Being Single."

jjwoodhull · Apr 5, 2009, 06:09 PM

Definitely check out KC's Joys of Being Single Thread. It will make you laugh and help you look forward to a little alone time. Here's the link:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-335663.html

I wish · Apr 5, 2009, 06:14 PM

I think that after we recover from a heartbreak, we feel more confident about ourselves.

We get a chance to reflect on the relationship, we learn from our experience and grow at as faster rate than not suffering the pain.

Also, after recovering, we are more clear about what type of person we want to date. So when you do find that person, you will be very happy with him or her.

inertia · Apr 5, 2009, 06:27 PM

I was looking for... went to grad school. Spent a month in Europe kind of answers. I love KC's thread but this one seemed a little different to me.

kctiger · Apr 5, 2009, 06:30 PM

Well, am in grad school, saving up money for law school... I didn't do the Europe thing though, a bit over the top for me right now. I find the outcome of how you feel about yourself to be the most important detail there is. I would think most people get busy and start to focus more on themselves after a really bad break up...

Arzy99 · Apr 5, 2009, 07:25 PM

Wow... well I had a pretty nasty break up.. she left me for another guy.. and aside from learning TONS about myself, love and how to deal with the breakup etc (thanks to this website.. shout out KC, Rome, Tal)... I have hit the gym big time... I did an internship in Spain and travelled around Europe for 6 weeks.. I have been reading a lot and will hopefully be going to Zambia in the summer to work with AIDS sufferers... All before going to uni later in the year..
The break up taught me a lot of things... and now I just wake up each day and want to improve myself... look at ways to develop myself and be the best person I can be... not only because it'll make me more desirable but also because.. I JUST WANT TO!. I wouldn't say I am a success story right now, but I think I am on the right tracks..
Bring on the journey!

a la king · Apr 5, 2009, 08:32 PM

It took me months to get where I am right now. Man, was I ever a wreck. I did almost every bad thing one could imagine... Spending christmas morning with a dollar bill up my nose was my lowest point... and my wakeup call.

But now I wake up and feel pretty good. The hole in my heart is closing. One of the most exciting things for me is noticing other people when I walk down the street. It's been YEARS since I've noticed all the beautiful people this world has to offer... and even though I rarely talk to these people I rather enjoying seeing them out there... and just knowing they're there. Sounds strange, perhaps, but it's a big deal for me.

Everything is much less gloomy now... and I feel my inspiration coming back. I've been able to write music again-- which is something that had been previously crippled.

I won't lie. Some nights are still rough. But I've come to realize that what I might be missing is the comfort of having someone around that knows me so well. And not so much my ex specifically. After all, I can't forget the horrible things we did to one another. So, when I'm feeling down and out I just call up a friend and hit the town... or sometimes I'll just take my laptop to a small pub/coffeeshop and do my work there. I always end up feeling better.

A new concern that I have is that I might have become too independent and self reliant - where as I don't feel like I need anyone.
I hope THAT doesn't become an issue. God, wouldn't that be weird. The total flipside. I better watch myself.

Also, I've been dating different people for awhile now.. most I never speak to again... but I've recently met another awesome lady who 'fits the bill' almost perfectly. My only concern with this is that I'm enjoying this time to myself, a lot. She's open to not spending every waking moment with each other - which is important.

We'll see where all this ends up. Dun dun dunnnnn.

Hathor · Apr 6, 2009, 02:34 AM

Originally Posted by inertia

I was looking for ... went to grad school. spent a month in Europe kind of answers. I love KC's thread but this one seemed a little different to me.

I'm sorry but I do find your post funny.

I'm about to finish my grad school (which is in Europe btw). I've traveled to around 10 European countries during my 2-year Master's, with or without a boyfriend. I'm a very ambitious person who always know what I want and go for it. Being in a relationship or not NEVER affects my plans. When I got dumped, I was depressed, yes, but my life ambitions ALWAYS went on.

My point is, why should you see going to grad school or going to Europe as a positive side of being single after a relationship? Why should a relationship stop you from doing that? Then it wasn't a good relationship in the first place right?

I was just expecting something DEEPER. I notice a couple of fresh-from-devasting-breakups members venting about how it's great to be single again to be able to do this and that (not having to hear the complaints or spending money on an ungrateful b1tch etc.) I get it, you're bitter (I'm talking about people who act this way in general, not someone specific), BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

Everyone should be able to find themselves complete and whole WITH OR WITHOUT A PARTNER.

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:00 AM

Let's see, after my break up I branched out socially, started doing things that I enjoyed, got into a lot better shape. Met a few girls, nothing serious or sparked too much interest, then I met a beautiful, smart, funny and amazing woman, we worked together, started as friends, grew into lovers and are now engaged, planned to be married in June of next year. Saving up for a house together, enjoying each others company still, after living together for 10 months.

talaniman · Apr 6, 2009, 07:19 AM

I think I learned something from all my break ups, especially about me, and how to cope with myself, and my life in general.

When my soul mate finally showed up, we were ready, and mature enough, for a healthy adult relationship, that has lasted for decades, and still growing.

The key for us both, coping, and communication skills, and a lot of PATIENCE, BALANCE, and WILLINGNESS, to keep working together.

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The key for us both, coping, and communication skills, and a lot of PATIENCE, BALANCE, and WILLINGNESS, to keep working together.

Right there sums up a happy and healthy relationship without anything else needed to be said.

inertia · Apr 6, 2009, 10:41 AM

Al la King I had the same problem with writing music. Although it was somewhat theraputic, it also seemed to hold me back (being an emotional thing). It's an important part of my life but I have decided to take a break from it.

redhed35 · Apr 6, 2009, 10:56 AM

Once upon a time,
There lived a redheaded woman who was in love with what the outside world thought was a handsome charming man..

Behind closed doors he was a herion junkie that tormented,and mentally tortured the redheaded woman and her children.

One day her children said 'mammy,choose,him or us' (im paraphrasing here).
The redheaded woman made her choice.she ran as far away from the man as possible.. she got a job,went back to college and brought a house last year..

In her quest for freedom she discovered she was in fact not an 'evil ugly cow that no man could ever love' ,but a beautiful and wiser redhead who learned the power of love,trust and loyalty through her equally wise and beautiful children.

And they all lived happilly ever after.