[thaweez]

I am 28 and my girlfriend is 21, and 500 miles away. I have been married before. It was to my high school sweetheart. We were together for 12 years and have been divorced for twp. I have zero feeling for her, that is obvious. However, I am still feeling repurcussions of her abuse towards me. She was a cheater; as in, I cannot walk down the street without running into someone she slept with... and I wish I was exacerbating the situation. So, in turn, this has made me a little on the over-cautious side with my next relationships. Soon, after I split from my ex-wife, I started dating a coworker who, also, was 20 at the time. Being 28, I can go out with girls my own age; however, I find that most of them are either divorced, have children, or are already jaded by life.
Anyway, last July, I met an amazing woman at the beach. We visited each other, 500 miles away, and decided we wanted to give this a chance. Well, in the last seven months, a lot has happened: we've met each other's families, gone through an abortion, and decided we wanted to alter our future plans to be with each other.
She plays lacrosse for a division 1 school and spends a lot of time with her team. They often go out as a team and they like to drink a good bit. Now, don't get me wrong, I like to do the same with my buddies, and I guess we drunk dial each other a good bit... however, last night, she called, I'm asleep having work the next morning, and just proceeded to start a fight that I didn't want to get involved in. This is the first time I can remember her doing this over the phone; it has happened once or twice in person. Yet, eventually she's crying, I'm talking to one of her friends (none by my own assertion, mind you, but because the situation played itself out that way, manipulated by her).
So, I was up all night, wondering what she is doing... I've found that women (yes, I do have experience with this other than my ex-wife... friends that are girls, my buddies stories, etc) will start a fight to make themselves feel like they deserve to cheat or party or something to that extent since we are having a rocky time. So, I'm up all night wondering this, wondering that... but pretty sure that it has nothing to do with anything wrong, just that she had been drinking and was being extra sensitive.
Moreover, now I'm wondering if I have the energy to put up with this, if this start occurring often. Maybe I am being a tad premature, but I really don't have the energy to go through this if it does become a regular thing.
I guess what I'm inferring, is that if I am having these doubts, asking these questions... then maybe I'm not ready for a serious relationship requiring each of us to invest money, time, and emotions.
I just thought I would hear what others think...

[Zpottle]

Long distance relationships never work I may be a little kid but I have tried long distance relationships and it doesn't work you hardly ever see her and you don't know what she's doing there I say get someon one close to you that you know

[cdedmundson]

I went through something along the same lines. First of, if you are 28 and were married for 12 years, that is a little young to expect eternal bliss. I dated a girl who lived in Mississippi (I live in Texas). We started dating in high school and she moved after graduation to live with her mom. Long story short she started doing drugs, drinking heavily, and sleeping around only a month after moving. We continued dating until September (so about 4 months of long distance) and I was oblivious to what she had been doing. In the end I found out what she did from a relative of hers and broke it off. I am now with a girl who I have been dating since around thanksgiving. I am happier with her than I have ever been with anyone else. Yet, like you, I get paranoid when she goes out drinking with her friends. I get the feeling like she will have one too many and start snorting lines like my ex. It is something that will take time to get over and you already have a great understanding of that fact. Ask her to be completely honest with you. You will be surprised how much someone will tell you when you just ask. In my opinion, if it is a 500 mile commute to see her it will be tough but not impossible. You just have to ask yourself if it is worth the stress it is causing. If you can't trust her now odds are not much will happen to convince you to trust her any more than you do now. I would recommend you find someone closer just so you can learn to trust someone more than you do now. It helps to be with someone while they are partying just to assure yourself that she is not doing anything you would not approve of. Like with my current girlfriend I get very nervous when she is drinking with friends but if we are together she can have as many as she wants. In the end this is your decision and yours alone. Regardless of any advice you are going to get you know the situation the best and are best fit to choose one way or the other. I wish you the best of luck.

[talaniman]

Drinking doesn't just make you extra sensitive, it can make you mean, argumentative funny, or just plain stupid.

Long distance relationships, are very hard to maintain, without the drinking.

What did she have to say about her behavior afterward??

[CallMeBel]

I think you need to talk to her when she is sober and let her know how you feel about it. Tell her it reminds you of things that you went through before with her ex; and even if she is not cheating, her going out and getting really drunk make you worried.

I think it is one thing to have a few drinks and get tipsy. But getting so drunk that you can't control your emotions is a problem.

In the end you just have to ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad, and if that is worth it to you. Long Distance relationships need two very trustworthy and honest partners or they are doomed to fail. I think it is normal to have second thoughts, epecially since you have had your heart ripped out before in a pervious relationship. So I think you should be catious; but you can't close yourself off completely in fear of what could possibly happen. GL :D:D