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rena520 · Mar 27, 2009, 02:07 AM

Me & my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years. We are both currently attending University & working at the same time. When he's busy, he would tell me that he won't be spending much time with me because he has an exam to study for. On the other hand, knowing myself, I am very needy when it comes to situations like this.

When he's busy, and I clearly know he's at home studying, I would call him once in a while to see how's he's doing. The thing is, this isn't the first time that this happened. I know I am very needy and this caused him to want to break up with me. There was a week where he completely told me that he's going to be studying for an exam and he told me not to call or see him for a week and that he would do the same. Unfortunately he started calling me like crazy & asked me to go out with him. At that time, I didn't even picked up a single phone call & attempt to wanting to call him cause he told me not to... but sometimes I would pick up and he would talk to me in a very sweet way & would start to act like he didn't mean a single thing he said to me before :confused: after that we started talking it out & everything was normal.

MY PROBLEM is that this situation happened too many times & I would wish that he can stop his childish mind games. Knowing my boyfriend, he doesn't like me talking to him about if he's going to go find someone else cause I know he won't... but I always tend to bring it up to him when he's busy... (ex: how come your not picking up my call? Is it because your busy talking to your 2nd girlfriend?) Every time when he's busy, I would call him a lot & mention about other girls. This completely blew him off and he would want to break up with me. But then later on, he would be back to normal again & completely forgot about the "break up" situation & start to be all sweet towards me. My friend told me that he's being childish & that I should leave him alone & not call him and then later on he will start to call me more

I just clearly don't understand why he's doing this... and I shoud start to restrict myself from not calling him when he's busy & not mention anything about other females.

artlady · Mar 27, 2009, 02:32 AM

You both sound very insecure about your relationship.

Why would you bother him when you know he is busy and then get angry when you get a negative response from him?
It makes no sense.

There is a time for work and a time for play.

No one likes someone who is needy and clingy.

You need to learn some effective communication skills for your relationship to be healthy.

Since you have been in the relationship for two years you are going to have to break the previous pattern of non communication that you have established.
I am giving you a link I think you will find helpful.

Good relationship take work,not head games and childish insecurities.
Communication Skills - How To Improve Your Communication Skills--And Relationships

Hathor · Mar 27, 2009, 03:23 AM

I don't know you or him, but basing only on your post, YOU are the childish one, not your boyfriend.

I agree with Artlady that you seem to be pretty insecure. Being clingy and overly jealous will surely drive him away. As you said it yourself that he said many times he wanted to break up because of your jealousy and clinginess. If you keep this up, he WILL leave you for sure. YOU DIG YOUR OWN GRAVE.

Can't you just understand that he needs time for studies? Don't you want a guy who has a goal in life, who knows what he wants, rather than a lazy loser? You should be glad he's hardworking and you should be supportive. And don't you have anything to do? Your own studies maybe? Being lazy is a turnoff you know.

Stop worrying and acting childish. He's NOT playing the mind game, YOU ARE.

Follow my advice if you want him around. If you want to lose him, then continue acting childish.

liz28 · Mar 27, 2009, 03:54 AM

Both of you seem childish not only him as you stated. If the two of you have not figure how to work things out in a mature matter after 2 years, I don't see this relationship lasting that long.

You stated you are needy and clingy than you need to fix that major flaw and it is good that you are able to admit it. Now the question is "how do you change being this way?"

Neediness is a real problem for relationships. Neediness is needing to be with someone to have a life. A needy person puts huge pressure on the relationship because in needing to have someone around all the time, they suffocate their partners. Neediness communicates all the wrong things about a person: dependent, insecure, approval seeking, fear-driven, low self esteem and over time, these all take a heavy toll on a relationship. Better is to have a life of your own and to be happy whether you are in a relationship. This removes the neediness virus, keeps you fresh and interesting and improves the relationship.

Clinginess is such a harmful trait. Clingy people spoil their relationships by suffocating their partners by always being with them. Having a clingy partner is like owning a love-struck puppy that follows its owner everywhere. And when their owner isn't around, separation anxiety sets in. Have the confidence to be your own person and allow your partner space to breathe. Your relationship will be all the better for it.

Again, find things to do with friends outside of your relationship. You shouldn't alow your relationship consume your life and live only for it because that is unhealthy and another quick way to drown the relationship. Also, trying to make your boyfriend feel quilty about things is another big no no.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2009, 07:29 AM

Your as childish, and immature, as you say he is. Maybe that's the problem.

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 07:56 AM

You really shouldn't accuse him of having a second girlfriend. If he's really faithful to you, it could really piss him off, cause it sounds like you don't trust him. If you sound like you don't trust him, then it would make him second guess his relationship with you and would want to break up.

Justwantfair · Mar 27, 2009, 08:04 AM

You are angry with him for playing games, while you are playing games... GROW UP, at this point neither one of you should be dating anyone.

Romefalls19 · Mar 27, 2009, 08:17 AM

You are immature and childish, fault on him for wanting to get a good education in a college he pays for. You both sound too young to be in a relationship

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 08:41 AM

Well, maybe we should tone down on the harshness. I'll try to give a more balanced perspective.

I'm sure that both of you like each other very much. Be happy that you found each other. Try not to create problem when there are none.

Enjoy the time that you spend together. When you are apart, keep yourself busy with your own things and think about what other fun activities you want to do with him instead of worrying about why you can see him.

rena520 · Mar 27, 2009, 10:35 AM

yes I do know that I am very childish... actually both of us are.
I appreciate your all of your honesty =) He is faithful & loyal to me but its just me who's being childish, needy & clingy around him when he wants his own space. He did mention that after his studying(which is after 2 weeks), he will come find me & call me.

In the meantime, I will start to busy myself with school & work.
Again, thanks for the honesty and you guys really made me 'wake up' and realize that I should start to change this habit. If I want this relationship to work out, I should learn not to continue on with this habit of mine. Thanks! =)