[khailaza]

I also have a situation arising about grandmother's rights. I just found out that my son's partner (with my granddaughter) have separated. The mother does not seem to want to allow me to have regular visits with my granddaughter, which I have been trying to establish over the last year since she was born. We live 15 miles apart. I pose no threat to the child, whom I love dearly. My son and his partner were not married, but I am the child's grandmother. The mother says I have not earned the right to visit and since I raised my son, I may not have anything to do with her daughter. I don't think 'earning the right to visit' enters into the picture. Whatever happens between the parents is not my direct concern. What I have been trying to set up and what I plan to pursue is a regular visitation schedule for me and my granddaughter. I'll contact a family assistance line and see what they have to say, but did a search for grandmother's rights and came up with this forum. Thought I'd share and see what kinds of thoughts and ideas folks might be able to offer. It's sad to me that these kinds of situations come up and can't be worked out in a friendly way by the adults, but here we are. Thanks in advance for your comments and suggestions. We live in Vermont.

[CaptainForest]

Maybe this is just a bit basic, but why not talk to your son?

Call him up and ask him to bring his daughter over?

[khailaza]

Yes, the basics... I have called, emailed, snailmailed, visited them in person, and invited them to visit me in person on a regular and consistent basis since my granddaughter was born two years ago. I also pray, visualize, and keep on keeping on in the faith and hope that if my granddaughter and I don't get to visit together soon, then we'll probably be able to when she starts speaking and says, "I want to see gramma!" Hopefully, her parents will come around sooner...

[ScottGem]

I suggest you consult an attorney. They can tell you whether you have any legal remedy to force visitation. But I don't believe the outlook is very good. While grandparent rights have made strides in recent times, the reins are mostly in the hands of the parents. If the mother of the child deoesn't want to allow you to visit, only a court can force her to. And if you have to go that route, you may alienate the mother beyond redemption.

What's worse in this situation, is that your granddaughter is unlikely at this age to ask for grandma, even once she starts talking. While she may remember you at this point, I doubt if she understands the concepts of grandparents. By the time she has learned enough to understand she probably won't remember you.

[khailaza]

Thank you for your comments and observations. I will contact a lawyer if it becomes absolutely necessary. Grandparents rights seem to be a whole new area of law that's taking shape around us state by state, situation by situation.

The base line for decisions seems to be the best interest of the child; and where there is no threat posed by visitation with a grandparent, most cases are being decided in favor of visitation. There are also groups working for intergenerational unity, which sounds more wholesome and healing to me -- for everyone.

My granddaughter will always remember me, dear sir. I mean no offence, but thinking otherwise is the kind of disconcerting logic that often seems to enter minds of some who have never borne children. Reminds me of one of the male doctors 'assisting' at the birth my first son, the doctor who was surprised that I recognized and knew my own child's face and name when he arrived!

Forgive my comments, but in this thread we are talking about the deep, strong, and essential kinds of connections between parents and children, grandparents and their grandchildren -- and how to honor them, right? This is what I am about. Hopefully, this is what our laws and commonsense will take to heart and into consideration in the midst of the turmoil and emotion these situations can generate.

Already, overnight, there has been a softening and a re-opening to my need to see my granddaughter on the part of my son and his partner, so I am very hopeful that by kindly and consistently speaking up, I will be heard and we will all find our way to a peaceful arrangement and agreement that honors each of us. Thank you for your kind consideration of this possible outcome.

[ScottGem]

I'm sure you feel a strong bond with your grandaughter and I don't mean to minimize it. I'm also sure that your grandaughter shows recognition of you when you appear before her. But the attention span of a child of that age is very short. Their ability to understand the relationships of the people they come into contact with is minimal at best.

I certainly hope that your son and the child's mother do soften their stance, and that legal remedies are not required.

[khailaza]

Thank you kindly, Scott,
For your understanding.

[s_cianci]

Some states recognize grandparents' rights and some don't. I don't know about Vermont offhand. Talk to a family lawyer for firsthand information.