[gtrombley]

I am the youngest of 3 sisters. One sister lives 1 mile from me and the other sister lives 4 miles from me. One sister, Sandy, is very insecure and can't do much for herself, doesn't have friends and lost her husband 1-1/2 yrs ago, depressed, etc. and the other sister, Betty is very upbeat, going all day, lots of friends and loves to shop. Seems that Betty gets very jealous when she knows that Sandy contacts me for whatever reason. It just irritates her to no end that she calls me and not her. Betty does antoganizes Sandy on purpose, cause she can't understands why she does what she does. I keep telling her, "what does it matter to you, you don't have to understand it, leave it alone". But that doesn't work. We recently went to a family get together where Sandy did not attend, and all Betty talked about was her and that bothers me. How do I get Betty to just keep her mouth shut about her sister and let things be?

[mamamccabe]

It sounds like Betty is insecure about herself and uses Sandy to make herself feel better about it. If you confront her and ask what her problem is, make sure there are people there to hear it. Chances are she'll at least be embarrassed enough to stop for awhile, and hopefully she'll think about it and stop for good. There's always going to be some level of sibling rivalry though, there is in every family. Good luck!

[shatteredsoul]

It sounds like Betty is a little controlling. It seems she wants to keep you from helping Sandy and is frustrated with her helplessness. That is very selfish after all Sandy has been through. Maybe it is time that you called her on it and then tell her you both should help Sandy become more independent. She needs support getting back out into the real world. You aren't responsible for her happiness, but she is your sister and you cannot give up on her. She is obviously depressed and isolated after losing her husband and doesn't know how to relate to her life now. She needs support groups and therapy to move on and begin to heal.
You both must work together to help her become more independent. Tell Betty that she must not talk about her in front of you or the family . If she can't be positive and understanding of your relationship, you will have to change the dynamics of that relationship. It isn't up to her how you spend your time. She has a right to her own opinion but not to control what you do.
Remind Betty that just because her life is different, doesn't mean she has the right to judge Sandy. Ask her to be more compassionate and less angry.
I have a sister I love dearly, but we aren't close. I know I have tried to make it better but she is resistant to being close to me. She has been depressed for several years and is in an unhappy marriage. She is very judgmental of my life, my parenting, my marriage. She cannot be around me without being critical. I can't change her anger toward me.. as you can't change your sisters anger toward each other. But I love her for who she is. Try to be loving to both of them. Try to understand how inferior they both feel to behave this way. They are both struggling with issues, as we all are.
Ultimately, you are the olive branch between them. Do your best to stay neutral and stay positive and hopefully you can help them heal each other. I wish you all the best

[gtrombley]

Thank you so much for your response. I think you have given good advise and I will do my best to speak to Betty when she feels a need to "bad-mouth" Sandy.

Thanks again