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rookie231 · Mar 24, 2009, 06:31 AM

Baby born in November to GF and I (living together at birth). In January she goes to visit family (out of state 185 miles). The next week she calls and says she's not coming back and will be up to get their stuff but I can see the baby anytime I want! I am on the birth certificate, but no DNA testing. She lets me see her every other weekend, I ask for every weekend and get a NO. last week the court (thru BC and consent) named me legally father. She said the deal of me seeing her whenever I want is out the door because I served her with papers, and no extra visits until Temporary hearing. I ask to attend Dr appt for shots, she doesn't get back to me with the time so I miss it.

What am I up against here trying to get more time with our infant.. shes been gone from our house half of her short life already?? We had set up a great foundation here for her to grow up I and her mother is very transient in her work and jobs.

ScottGem · Mar 24, 2009, 06:45 AM

OK, so you are now the legal father. So why haven't you filed for custody and visitation? You could try for full physical custody and let her have visitation, but I doubt if you will get that. So you are better off filing for joint legal custody and a visitation schedule.

You can tell the mother, that she forced going to court by moving out with discussing it and you are only trying to protect your rights to be a part of your child's life. And that you will continue to do so.

rookie231 · Mar 24, 2009, 06:51 AM

I have filed for primary custody and the first hearing is next month. I want the two of us to be involved in all parts of our babies life but don't think she feels the same. She moved with no job or place to live and has been living in her parents house (shes 32) until she finds both... its been 60 days. She has lived in 8 places in 24 months and had 5 jobs... if she felt my relationship with our baby was important, she could have looked for a job and apartment close by, as obviously I would be helping out financially (that has never been a question).

stevetcg · Mar 24, 2009, 06:52 AM

You could also request that the child live somewhere close to you since your local court still has jurisdiction. Her fleeing the state can be seen as her trying to deny you your parental rights.

rookie231 · Mar 24, 2009, 06:55 AM

My ultimate goal is together them within the 40-50 mile radius as is somewhat standard in our state in custody cases. That would allow us to be as involved together in her life as possible. I feel like with her leaving absent any real plan/job, she should be compelled to return to area.

stevetcg · Mar 24, 2009, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by rookie231

my ultimate goal is together them within the 40-50 mile radius as is somewhat standard in our state in custody cases. that would allow us to be as involved together in her life as possible. I feel like with her leaving absent any real plan/job, she should be compelled to return to area.

She should be, yes. It may depend on your state, but generally, she may be required to move back if she is granted primary or joint custody. Running away from and hiding from the parent actually can get to the point of being felonious...

ScottGem · Mar 24, 2009, 07:01 AM

Originally Posted by rookie231

I feel like with her leaving absent any real plan/job, she should be compelled to return to area.

What you feel and what the law is, may be two different things. I really don't think you have much of a chance at primary custody, unless she can really be shown to be an unfit mother. While the lack of job and home does help your case, I'm not sure if its enough, especially for a relatively newborn.

Do you have an attorney? If not, I think you should consult with one, if only to help you understand the law and the prevailing sentiment of your local family courts.

JudyKayTee · Mar 24, 2009, 07:53 AM

Unless she is unfit - and then there's the legal argument of why you had a child with a mother you knew to be unfit and/or crazy (an accusation which is often made) which doesn't reflect well on you - I do not see you getting primary custody. I also don't see her being forced to come "back" IF she has a reason for leaving you. She can claim you were abusive (I'm not saying you were. I'm saying that is how these things usually "go") or that she couldn't just move out because she didn't have the financial and emotional means to do so. You would have to prove she moved a distance away solely to keep you from the child and only you know if you can prove that.

I also agree that what seems fair to you may not be according to the law in your State.

And I think your hands are tied until the next hearing.

You will live with this Court decision for a very long time and I would suggest that you retain an Attorney experienced in these matters.

rookie231 · Mar 24, 2009, 11:39 AM

Thanks, I appreciate the input on here... there is no abuse or that type of reason for her leaving, although I know that often is thrown in to try to tip the scales.I am very careful in my communcation and when we meet in public, its always out front of a place with a camera on the building... Before she knew she was pregnant she did exactly the same thing and moved out just because she was homesick and (her words) "I do this every time in a relationship." I was the one that wanted to try again for the babies sake. I was doing everything around the house after work, so she could focus on our baby. She is not unfit as a mother, but makes decisions with her life that are fine for single person, until there's a baby involved.

I'm not sure what her real reason for leaving was, as its never been made clear to me in conversations, but I don't think she realizes if she makes an untrue accusation, her text, email, and IMs will not reflect that, as she does not know that can be introduced.