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lukeskyplayer · Mar 22, 2009, 07:26 PM

Ok me and my girlfriend have been dating for abut 3 years now and they were the best years ever and I mean I love her so dearly because she was my first everythinng even make out and lately we've been getting into some arguments and a few days ago she told me that she feels bored with our relationship. Like there's nothing to it any more she says and that I hold her back from having fun with her friends when I really don't. She gets upset because she says all we do is go back to my house and watch movies but she says she does enjoy that sometimes which is confusing but I mean I do so much for her and maybe that's the problem maybe I'm always there texting her and calling her. Should I back off a little? But I mean its so hard not to talk to her because I love texting her and just hearing her voice and when I've tried not texting her and she wouldn't text me the whole day and I feel as though she's wanting to break up. We've talked about this and she says that she just needs time to think anout things because she doesn't know if she want to be free from me or stay with me and make things work which I mean hurts me so much but at the same I'm glad she's telling me what bothers her. I care for this girl so much and I don't want to lose her but I feel I'm going to because when ever I would say I love you she would just say U2 and back when we first met she would always say I love you xoxoxo and I can see the difference. I mean I try and do fun tings with her like go have a picnic and movies and want to go bowling but over this spring break she has been feeling tired and didn't want to do things with me. Its just hard not to talk to her but she said she needs time and when we do talk I just feel so hollow and I wis things would go back to normal. What do I do about this?

O and another problem I have is when we were hanging out she texted her friend the whole day like every 5 minutes she would let my hand go and answer the texts and when I would sit next to her and see what she's talking about she would drop the phone and I'm like what's wrong? I told her that it makes me feel like sheet when she does that and she's like well I told you its not going to be the same since I need time to think about things and I just want to talk to my firend so I don't lose her. What should I do ? Would it bother you if your girlfriend sat next to you and text the whole day ?

Both about 18 yrs. Old

none12345 · Mar 22, 2009, 11:23 PM

Well from an outsider point of view I see many things going on. First I see that you're kind of needy so try to give her more space and than I know it is hard man when your girl acts that way. It just shows you that she has the power in the relationship because you need her more than she needs you.

Give her some space. And try not to be jealous that she is picking her friends over you because if she keeps on seeing you are eventually she is going to and you're going to lose her. Trust me, I've learned from experience.

captainpecan · Mar 23, 2009, 12:46 AM

There are a few ways to look at this scenario. And unfortunately, all of them require you to walk on eggshells to a an extent. I do not wish to give you bad things to think about, but I am afraid you are getting into a situation I and many others have been in before.

First thing is this, when a woman says she needs space, she is not usually playing a game. There are reasons for it, and if you do not give her the space she needs, she will most likely take it anyway, and then you will lose her. I suggest you state your concern, and make sure she knows you will give her the space she needs because you care for her, and you owe her at least that much.

Second thing is the fact that from your description, you are both pretty much the only experience either of you have ever had. It is an entirely natural feeling, to wonder if you have made the correct decision staying with your first true love. She is simply in a battle right now, that there may be nothing you can do to help. The very act of being there, could be making it worse, no matter how perfect you are.

Third thing is the fact that she seems to be texting others, and hiding it from you. You need to understand, that it is possible she is interested in someone else. She may be stuck between not wanting to hurt you, and her heart wanting her to experience more before she settles down. It is not a good scenario if this is what is going on. I have been on both sides of this situation. If this happens to be the issue, be very careful. If you hint that you think she is interested in someone else, you will piss her off and you could lose her. If you try to stick closer to her so she has no space to see anyone else, you could piss her off and lose her also. And it is very possible that when you do give her space, she keeps taking more until you lose her.

This is a very tough spot to be stuck in. You have got to do your best to show her what she could be losing. You have to show her your good sides, the stuff about you that she likes the most. You have to remind her why she's with you to begin with, but not with words, with actions. And in a non-arrogant way, you need to show her that you to could end up moving on, and you do not want that to happen. If you must give her space, you must also give her a reason to continue wanting you, after she has had some space. Remember, it's human nature to want what you cannot have. Right now because she is pulling away, you are going to want her even more. Maybe you can try letting her know that you personally are have problems also, and you think it is best if SHE gives YOU some space! Understanding that you must give her space anyway, if you take control of it more, you are sort of taking yourself away from her instead of her taking away from you. Flip it around. Cross your fingers. And hope she spends her time away from you, worried about losing you, and wanting you, instead of looking at others. Take yourself away from her, and you just might come out of this thing okay! It's best to not play these little games if you love someone, but if you are on the verge of losing her anyway, try to flip it around into your favor!

Good luck, and I hope this helps you in some way. I am sorry there is not much good that I could say about your situation, accept that giving her space, gets you some of your own space. Use this time wisely to make sure that you yourself are happy with her!

lukeskyplayer · Mar 23, 2009, 05:19 AM

"You have to remind her why she's with you to begin with, but not with words, with actions." what do I do though ? Do I at least text her good morning or ask how her day is going? Or do I go NC? Because she told me that I could text her every so often throughout the day but I don't know

lukeskyplayer · Mar 23, 2009, 05:22 AM

She's just textig one of her girlfriends its not a guy but it ust bothers me because I want to come over and hang out with her not to sit there and listen to her phone vibratiing all the time

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 05:37 AM

You seem extremely insecure and it's wearing thin on your girlfriend. Give her some space, let her text you. Do not text her at all, let her text you when she wants to and then worry about responding. Time and space is what she asked for, so give it to her. Get a hobby or join a gym

lukeskyplayer · Mar 23, 2009, 08:49 AM

I feel like if I don't text her she will be upset at me because she told me she wanted me to text her a Lil bit. But maybe ill just text her like a few times. So your saying that I shouldn't care if she's texting her friends all day ? Just ignore it ?

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 09:21 AM

I know that it feels like you are losing her and you want to do something about it.

So, this is what you can do. Remind her how much you care about her, but definitely back off and give her space. Do not pressure her for anything. Do not constantly check on her, in other words, don't be needy or sticky. Just remind her how you feel every now and then, so that she doesn't doubt your feelings.

She obviously has issues that she'll have to figure out herself. Let her get through it first and then you can help her.

captainpecan · Mar 23, 2009, 11:07 AM

This is where you are going to need to step up and be a man. You should assume that when she says you can text her a few times a day, she is most likely only saying that to allow you into her space to make it easier for you. I know it is hard, but it really is not giving her the space she needs if you keep texting her.

My suggestion still is to give her something to lose. In other words, tell her how much you want to be with her 24 hrs a day, but you are afraid she needs more space than you are giving her. Tell her that you are going to stop texting her, unless she texts you specifically first. Tell her how much you care about her, and that you are not ignoring her, you are trying to be there for her the way she needs right now.

Then do what you say. STOP TEXTING HER COMPLETELY!! No good morning, no good night. Let her send those messages to you. When you reply, make it short and simple. No questions about how her day went, or how hard this is for you right now. It's not about you, it's about her. Remember that, if you want to keep her.

I hope this helps.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 11:58 AM

Usually when people say they are bored, its because they are boring themselves.

Hey guy, your female is a stick in the mud, and I suggest you give her space, and enjoy your life without her.

Text her good morning, and good night, and do your own thing that makes you happy.

That way she has space, and can text her friends, to her hearts delight.

But she may get mad, because she clearly wants what she wants, and makes excuses, as to why you can't get what you want.

This may open the door to conversation, or you may get dumped. Either way, you won't get dumped on with her BS.

If she wants to talk be honest, and stand up for yourself. Remember she is bored because she chooses to be.

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 10:24 PM

If it is one thing I have learned from my relationship is that no matter what you do you can't get your ex but you can only push her further. I suppose you guys aren't broken up but yah dewd trust us give her some space that would be the best thing to do right now.