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Monty36 · Mar 12, 2009, 07:12 PM

5 threads merged for full story

WARNING Kind of LONG___Well before I tell you my problem let me give you a little history about me and this girl.
We've known each other since fourth grade but didn't start really talking to each other until three and a half years ago. Since then we became the best of friends... the thing of it is I also fell in love with her. For the next three years I was her "therapist" I guess you could say, she always came to me for advice about her boyfriends (which killed me because I was in love with her schoool, life, etc. we kind of got together once and she told me that she loved me for a while now and I her, but it ended quickly for complicated reasons. I was still her best friend after that and she started to date some other guy. After that ended we started to get really close again. Since then we've been together for five amazing months and we both were madly in love with each other. She's even told me she's never had feeling like this for anyone in her whole life we even talked about getting married and naming our kids and planning out future and everything. In the past three weeks or so things have been a little tense. We seam to get into fights over really stupid things and I 've just felt a little distant which brings me to my point. Now she tells me that she misses having her best friend (me) and that she just sees me as a boyfriend now. She then tells me she still loves me with all her heart but that she needs some space. We went about two days of barely talking and I made the mistake by saying I really miss her and I can't stop thinking about her... we talked a little more for one more day than we decided I'll wait until she's ready to talk to me and I haven't spoken to her in four days now. What worries me is all her friends are guy friends and she likes to go out and party. Should I be worried? Could their be someone else? Or should I just keep up the no contact thing and see what happens?PLEASE HELP! I'm really heart broken

kctiger · Mar 13, 2009, 06:15 AM

Giver her space. I truly fear that she never really had the feelings for you that you had for her, which is why it is harder to deal with from your side of things... maybe wrong, but that is my opinion.

If she wants space, give it to her. Do not worry about what she is doing either, as you have no control over it. I would also suggest finding new friends, as your friendship will most likely never be the same (or at least, not for a LONG time).

Romefalls19 · Mar 13, 2009, 06:44 AM

Give her what she asked for, that's the best thing you could do for her and yourself right now. Use this time to heal

High Max · Mar 13, 2009, 06:47 AM

Here's another tip: Don't fall for or try and date a party girl. It's a recipe for a broken heart. I think I know one party girl out of the hundreds I've met that is actually a classy girl.

talaniman · Mar 13, 2009, 08:56 AM

I don't think her love for you, is the same love you have for her.

Making it hard was blurring the lines of friendship, and romance, that always complicates things.

You really need to see reality, and know she is a long way from giving you what you want, and may never be able to. Not her fault, yours either, unless you continue down the path of false hope, and keep putting her above your own growth as a person, and ignoring the other options, and opportunities life has for you.

Her words DO NOT match her actions, at all.

math_dude16 · Mar 13, 2009, 09:13 AM

Don't date party girls. They have been in other relationships before you and most likely serious ones. You want a different girl.

Romefalls19 · Mar 13, 2009, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by math_dude16

Don't date party girls. They have been in other relationships before you and most likely serious ones. You want a different girl.

Welcome to the AMHD, but please refrain from generalizing sexes and types on here, it will make your stay longer. I've known party girls who haven't ever been in a relationship before, I also know the book warm type of girls that were "trashy" to say the least. It boils down to their character.

math_dude16 · Mar 13, 2009, 09:20 AM

Oh no that's not what I meant... yea some haven't been in relationships but most of them when they get drunk... well they party least to say. Yea there are some that haven't been in relationships, but whose to say that they didn't have a little fun? Just be careful. :D

math_dude16 · Mar 13, 2009, 09:25 AM

Oh I know there are bookworm girls too that have problems too, doesn't mostly everybody? But there are those nice clean girls out there:D

math_dude16 · Mar 13, 2009, 10:06 AM

Be nice :D

Monty36 · Mar 15, 2009, 07:10 PM

So I've been dating this girl for about five months (note that we were the best of friends the previous three years before we started dating). Recently the past three weeks have been kind of tense we got in at least three really big pointless fights over nothing serious which brings me to my point. Now she tells me that she is really stressed out and that having a boyfriend is just adding to it and that she just needs some space and that we should take a break (she does, however, tell me that she still loves me with all her heart but she just needs some space). Well we both came to terms that I'm going to not talk to her until she is ready to talk to me first so essentially we've entered the no contact zone /: so this brings me to my two issues. I've been talking to her friend just a little bit and she asked her for a ride somewhere and she she told her to ask me she told her that were not together. But she told me were taking a break? So is she just telling her friend that were just currently not together or was she using the whole "break thing as a way to end it? My second dilemma is would it be a bad idea to break the no contact rule to ask if were broken up or just taking a break or should I just wait it out?

Wondergirl · Mar 15, 2009, 07:30 PM

Figure it's over. Continue NC. Don't talk about her with mutual friends. Don't email her or to anyone about her. She is history. NC.

talaniman · Mar 15, 2009, 09:55 PM

She using the whole "break thing as a way to end it.

I agree!

Be a bad idea to break the no contact rule

I agree!

Sorry for your loss! G/f, and ex best friend.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 15, 2009, 10:09 PM

I agree with the others...

It's a break up...

Stay with no contact and sounds like it was just a way for her to get you out of her hair.

Time to move on...

Romefalls19 · Mar 16, 2009, 05:24 AM

It's a break up, she was trying to spare your feelings. Keep to NC and heal so you will feel better quicker.

Monty36 · Mar 16, 2009, 02:02 PM

So any of those who have read my previous posts know what up with me and this girl. Quick recap for any others we've know each other for eight and a half years, the past three and a half years we were the best of friends and now the past five months we were going out with each other exclusively. We both knew that we would end up marrying each other, having kids with each other planning what the house would look like etc. The past three weeks were really rough between us and now she says she still loves me but wants some space. From what I've been told its basically over and now were in the no contact period. My question is I gave her an expensive promise ring that she wore every day since the day I gave it to her. Given our history together (we were on off during those three years of being best friends) theirs a good chance we might get back together in the future. But if she starts to date again and all that like she's moved on should I ask for that ring back? It was really sentimental and custom to match me and her (eight stones=number of years we've know each other. Three stones=number of years we were just friends) If I did or didn't take it back what would it say or mean to her

chuff · Mar 16, 2009, 08:16 PM

Well if it's not a wedding ring I'm not sure if you have any right to it.

talaniman · Mar 17, 2009, 03:29 PM

Forget the ring, get your life back, without her in it.

unspeaken21 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:12 PM

She should at least have had the decency to let you know whether it's a break up or just a time off, since you guys where friends for 3 years before dating, no matter how hard it is for her to tell you that.

For now I don't think you should contact her.

I know if she doesn't contact you, your going to want to have closure... So its only human to want to ask her to know whether things are really over..

Therefore, give it a month or so... if she still has not contacted you then you might as well know its over, and if its still on your mind, then you can go write ahead and email...
But to be honest, I don't think she deserves an email if its been a month and there is still no contact... she is a coward for lying to you.. you don't need her in your life...

Good luck..
...
... By the way, are you sure that the friend understood that your girlfriend said that you guys are broken up... the reason why I'm adding this is because some people can be passive aggressive... especially if the friend likes you... (but the possibility of this actually being true is probably less than 5%... so I wouldn't take it to consideration.. I just thought I should post it.. )

Monty36 · Mar 19, 2009, 07:58 PM

So now basically were back to being friends but what I'm wondering is is this a sign that she maybe still might want to be together or are we just going to stay friends now? And what should I do in each situation because I really love this girl and I want to be with her again?