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feathergurl · Mar 12, 2009, 04:47 PM

It's a long embarrassing story, but my son's father cheated on his girlfriend when he got me pregnant and a couple months later when I found out I was pregnant... he was married. As to not cause problems I agreed to raise him on my own because I wanted to keep him and he didn't. I started dating my husband when I was four months pregnant with him, and he was there when he was born and everything. All though my 5 year old son is not old enough to know why his last name is my maiden name and different from his brothers and sister, he asks me all the time if he can have the same last name as ours. I am not trying to betray anyone, not trying to hide anything from anyone. My husband IS his father now, and I know it sounds dumb but I am too embarrassed to take this to court to have him adopted and don't see any reason why changing his last name to ours wouldt be suffice. If someone could give me some advice on how to change his last name and what the steps are I will have to go through, I would much appreciate it.

stevetcg · Mar 13, 2009, 04:41 AM

Would your son's legal father agree to the change? If so, it's a fairly simple process with a few forms and maybe a quick talk with the judge. You start by either getting a lawyer (should be cheap if everyone agrees) or going to the court and requesting the proper forms.

There is no reason to be embarrassed, and ultimately adoption might be something that is best for both your son and husband.

ScottGem · Mar 13, 2009, 05:16 AM

First, changing someone's LEGAL name is a legal process. If the bio father is not on the because, it may not be too onerous. You chould check with the county clerk to see what's involved.

But as far as an adoption is concerned, why should you be embarrassed. First, unless someone looks over court records, they won't know about it unless you tell them. Second, if your husband doesn't adopt, then, if something happens to you, the child may be taken away from him.

Adoption is a good thing. It says to your son (when you decide to tell him) that your husband loves him enough to make the relationship legal.

feathergurl · Mar 13, 2009, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

Would your son's legal father agree to the change? If so, its a fairly simple process with a few forms and maybe a quick talk with the judge. You start by either getting a lawyer (should be cheap if everyone agrees) or going to the court and requesting the proper forms.

There is no reason to be embarassed, and ultimately adoption might be something that is best for both your son and husband.

I don't know how to find his father at all. We were in the miliatry when we were dating and so I have no idea where he could have ended up though I did hear he got kicked out a couple years later. He is not on his birth certificate, so do I really need his permission? I put his father as "unknown."

stevetcg · Mar 13, 2009, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by feathergurl

I dont know how to find his father at all. We were in the miliatry when we were dating and so I have no idea where he could have ended up though i did hear he got kicked out a couple years later. He is not on his birth certificate, so do i really need his permission? I put his father as "unknown."

You are required by law to make a good faith effort to find him. The process varies by state, but you will have to show that an effort was made. Your lawyer will be able to walk you through the process.

You may not need his permission, but you will have to show that you at least tried to get it.