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ka1 · Mar 10, 2009, 02:42 PM

How does a person know that something--a relationship would work if they put the effort in, and then just say they won't do it. How? It's one thing to believe that maybe its not working and never has. It's one thing to look at a relationship and say we don't have the compatibility. But how does anyone say, I need XYZ, I'v had XYZ with you strongly, and I know it would return with a little more communication, patience, and understanding, but I don't want too. Someone, anyone please explain this to me.

friend4u178 · Mar 10, 2009, 10:38 PM

They won't put the effort in because they don't want the Relationship.

liz28 · Mar 11, 2009, 01:22 AM

When your with someone you never know what could be the outcome. A relationship can only work if the two people involve want it to work and have determination for it to work because like a flower it takes time for it to blossom. Along the way your going have your up and downs, and sad and happy moments but in the end the bond between the two of you are unbreakable.

I have seen people in a long lasting relationship that had nothing in common because sometimes opposite do attract but any relationship you start is a gamble. As long as the person is doing right by you that is all that matters.

ChihuahuaMomma · Mar 11, 2009, 01:39 AM

If you're not willing to work on a relationship then it just shows that you don't want it bad enough.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 05:32 AM

Friend hit the nail on the head. I am actually in a situation similar to this. I am "dating" this really attractive, sweet girl, who I believe may be counting on being in a relationship with me down the road... however, no matter how good I see this going, I am just purely not in the mood to be in a relationship right now. Relationships take time, effort, commitment and just can flat out require your full heart to be involved... I don't feel like doing that yet.

talaniman · Mar 11, 2009, 05:57 AM

People just want different things, different ways, and when they don't feel they are getting it, or its not worth the trouble, then its time to go.

lola64 · Mar 11, 2009, 05:59 AM

Sometimes, something has happened within the course of the relationship that one person (the person that still believes it can work) is in denial of being able to see or fully understand; and the person that wants out, has finally had enough of the person not getting it all along and has already emotionally distanced themselves enough from being able to truly let themselves want anything further to do with the relationship working.
This is obviously just a very select example, but it's my experience.

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Friend hit the nail on the head. I am actually in a situation similar to this. I am "dating" this really attractive, sweet girl, who I KNOW is counting on being in a relationship with me...however, no matter how good I see this going, I am just purely not in the mood to be in a relationship right now. Relationships take time, effort, commitment and just can flat out require your full heart to be involved...I don't feel like doing that yet.

So let me see if I understand. You have a situation where you know, you could have a great relationship. There are things there that you see, but because you don’t feel like putting in the “work” you are going to just let not happen? All due respect, but that sounds lazy and stupid to me. There’s no difference between what you’re saying and saying, “I have a great new job. It will pay me a great income, and it looks like I’m gonna be happy doing it, but I’m not gonna take it?” Aren’t you leading yourself down the road that sent people here to this board to begin with.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by ka1

So let me see if I understand. You have a situation where you know, you could have a great relationship. There are things there that you see, but because you don't feel like putting in the “work” you are going to just let not happen? All due respect, but that sounds lazy and stupid to me. There's no difference between what you're saying and saying, “I have a great new job. It will pay me a great income, and it looks like I'm gonna be happy doing it, but I'm not gonna take it?” Aren't you leading yourself down the road that sent people here to this board to begin with.

1.With all due respect, I have not given the person I am dating any reason to believe I am looking for a relationship. (as a matter of fact, she is more than well aware of my past and my present situation, and is fine with that)
2. With all due respect, I don't compare a relationship to a job.
3. With all due respect, I am not going to jump into another relationship without being fully, 100% behind it.
4. With all due respect, I have a MILLION other things in my life right now that really don't allow me to be in a full-on relationship.
5. With all due respect, I am just taking things as they go, and I am NOT trying to pretend otherwise.

I am neither lazy nor stupid. Unlike you, I don't need to have a significant other in my life to validate my goodness. There are certain times when a relationship just wouldn't be ideal. I am not the type of guy to start something and do it half a$$. Perhaps you got the wrong impression of me.

Carry on... :cool:

UnluckyDucky · Mar 11, 2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by ka1

So let me see if I understand. You have a situation where you know, you could have a great relationship. There are things there that you see, but because you don’t feel like putting in the “work” you are going to just let not happen? All due respect, but that sounds lazy and stupid to me. There’s no difference between what you’re saying and saying, “I have a great new job. It will pay me a great income, and it looks like I’m gonna be happy doing it, but I’m not gonna take it?” Aren’t you leading yourself down the road that sent people here to this board to begin with.

I couldn't agree more with kc here, but I'm going to play along with you and your job analogy though.

* What if you're not mentally prepared for this new job (just like if you are not fully over your ex)?

* What if you lack the skills for this new job (just like if you failed to learn the lessons from previous relationships)?

* What if you're not prepared to dedicate the time required for this new job? (just like if you have a ton of stuff going on in your life preventing you from being able to be as available as you need to be in a relationship)?

Stupid and lazy? Absolutely not - it is more like being conscientious and responsible for both your actions and your life.

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

1.With all due respect, I have not given the person I am dating any reason to believe I am looking for a relationship. (as a matter of fact, she is more than well aware of my past and my present situation, and is fine with that)
2. With all due respect, I don't compare a relationship to a job.
3. With all due respect, I am not going to jump into another relationship without being fully, 100% behind it.
4. With all due respect, I have a MILLION other things in my life right now that really don't allow me to be in a full-on relationship.
5. With all due respect, I am just taking things as they go, and I am NOT trying to pretend otherwise.

I am neither lazy nor stupid. Unlike you, I don't need to have a significant other in my life to validate my goodness. There are certain times when a relationship just wouldn't be ideal. I am not the type of guy to start something and do it half a$$. Perhaps you got the wrong impression of me.

Carry on...:cool:

Ok, but Dude. UNless you have the word "President" in front of your name, you're not that busy. Sorry, you're not. NO one is. You have the time, because relatinships, especially if you're as balanced as you say don' take that much time. So no, you don't have a million things between you and this girl.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:26 AM

You really think you know me that well... alright, here it goes:

1. I am an accountant in the health care field, which takes up on average 45 hours a week
2. I have a part time job to help save for law school, which takes up 30 hours a week
3. I am a Big Brother to a fatherless child (volunteer program)
4. I am taking 9 credit hours of classes at a local college for my MBA

Find the time in that schedule to devote yourself totally to a relationship. Guess you are better than me, and I also guess you know me so well that you know what I can and can't do... I will let you talk for me from now on. And, yes, relationships take TIME, especially in the beginning, to get to know each other and enjoy each other's company.

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by lola64

Sometimes, something has happened within the course of the relationship that one person (the person that still believes it can work) is in denial of being able to see or fully understand; and the person that wants out, has finally had enough of the person not getting it all along and has already emotionally distanced themselves enough from being able to truly let themselves want anything further to do with the relationship working.
This is obviously just a very select example, but it's my experience.

Well if that's going to let them give up there person that best for them, then they deserve all stupid pain and frustration they'll get later on by throwing away life's blessing to them.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:29 AM

Why do you ask such a question and then get mad when people give you their OPINION? You sure are bitter aren't you??

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You really think you know me that well...alright, here it goes:

1. I am an accountant in the health care field, which takes up on average 45 hours a week
2. I have a part time job to help save for law school, which takes up 30 hours a week
3. I am a Big Brother to a fatherless child (volunteer program)
4. I am taking 9 credit hours of classes at a local college for my MBA

Find the time in that schedule to devote yourself totally to a relationship. Guess you are better than me, and I also guess you know me so well that you know what I can and can't do...I will let you talk for me from now on. And, yes, relationships take TIME, especially in the beginning, to get to know each other and enjoy each other's company.

I don't care what you are. You are not the President, who is the only man that does not have time for stuff. Everyone else has time, they don't make the time. The don't prioritize. So say that. BUt you have the time. So use another excuse. SOme the stuff, Chuff said, some of that I can understand. But no time, or won't despite what you have in front of you, whatever.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:32 AM

You are like arguing with a 5 year old... if you don't get your way, you start crying like a baby. No wonder you can't find someone to "love" you. I don't make excuses, I am just responsible enough to know when I shouldn't dedicate myself to something that I CANNOT make work at this point in time.

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Why do you ask such a question and then get mad when people give you their OPINION? You sure are bitter aren't ya???

I wanted logical answers to a question. Not the same lame excuses the dumpers use on people. Again isn't that how most people ended up on this board.

As an aside I have always held the view about time. Looong before my break up. So that does not come from bitterness.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:35 AM

ka1 I just lost what little respect I had for you. Your argument to my points is absolutely insane. I was willing to give you a free pass for having a broken heart, but that is over now that you feel like attacking me.

Stay classy man! :cool:

ka1 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You are like arguing with a 5 year old...if you don't get your way, you start crying like a baby. No wonder you can't find someone to "love" you. I don't make excuses, I am just responsible enough to know when I shouldn't dedicate myself to something that I CANNOT make work at this point in time.

WON'T MAKE! And no I'm not arguning like a 5 yr old. I'm calling you out on a belief and premise that is false.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 06:40 AM

Is your literacy up to par? I have said I haven't STARTED a relationship due to the prior commitments I have, I have never said I WOULD break up with someone because of this. I have simply chosen not to dive into something at this moment that I don't believe would be fair to the other person. And no, it isn't supposed to be "won't make" as in future tense, it is supposed to be "don't make" as in I DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES!!

Your idea of "false" is YOUR opinion, as everyone has a right to their own opinion. You trying to "call me out" is almost laughable.