[teastalk]

He declared no contact... but he broke up with me!

Isn't the dumpee the one who usually declares no contact?

I am curious to have others give their opinions about why the he-- my ex would be the one to declare no contact.

Does that say something about him? About me? About the dynamics of the relationship?

[artlady]

He is saying that its over and he wants it to stay that way,No long good-byes,no can we be friends,just a clean break with no drama.
I think it says that he is determined.I think it says he is serious.
I suspect that in the relationship,he had to have the last word.
I'm not up on my NC protocol but I suppose whoever wants to initiate it can do so.
Best of luck!

[mintah50]

Well I was in the same position I got dumped but it was my decision if I wanted any contact . But it depends what the reason is , if he hurt by something you did then yes he may feel that way for a while or for a long period.

[kp2171]

As stated, NC is not about the dumpee or dumper. Is about someone recognizing they need to be away from the ex, to focus on themselves, and not be distracted from the residual feelings and emotions that are always present in a breakup.

I did exactly the same thing. Broke off a long term relationship that was not right... it was time to break it off... systemic problems that were not going to go away... and doing NC kept me from mistakes made in a previous relationship... where the false security of the known, the comfort of the familiar, kept me from living in the reality of being broken up.

So... calling NC doesn't mean he is mean, or that the relationship meant nothing. It means he is serious about the breakup.

Would it be better were he to yo-yo back and forth, giving you false hope and mixed messages? no. I think you are mostly rattled because not only did you not call the breakup, but you now are completely cut off... at least if you forced NC you'd have some sense of control. Here, he gets to decide everything... and its harder to accept that, perhaps, when you have no "say" in what's happening... even if NC, no matter who calls it, is still NC.

Honestly, I don't care who does the deed... when two people are ex's, NC is a good way for both sides to face the reality of the situation.

[talaniman]

Teastalk;1587603, He declared no contact... but he broke up with me!

So what, that doesn't matter at all. He wants No Contact, give it to him, and leave him alone.

Isn't the dumpee the one who usually declares no contact?

Doesn't matter, see previous response.

I am curious to have others give their opinions about why the he-- my ex would be the one to declare no contact.

He wants a chance to heal without the emotional drama, or your influence. Thats a good thing to do.

Does that say something about him? About me? About the dynamics of the relationship?

He is smart to give himself a chance to heal from the intense feelings he had so he (and you ) can move on with your lives and you both can accept its over.