[JennyJane]

About five years ago I had a mental breakdown which resulted in my husband getting residence of our then ten year old son. This was terrible for me because at the time I was so ill I could hardly string a sentence together let alone defend myself in court. My mother was very supportive but did nothing to help me not to lose custody of my son presumably because she recognised that at that time I was not well enough to look after him anyway. Words cannot express the anguish I felt. My husband was horrible, despite the fact that he is a borderline alcoholic he dragged up every stick he could possibly beat me with to win custody. Later that year, I found a list at his flat in my mother's handwriting detailing incidences that she felt would help him to win his case. He had obviously asked her for help and she had agreed. I have confronted her about this and she said that she thought long and hard about whether it was the right thing to do and decided it was in my sons best interests for his dad to have him. I will never know if that was the case or if it was spite because she and I were not getting on at the time she wrote the list. I can't forgive her. Do you think you could? I know others have mothers who have done far worse but this betrayal has wounded me so deeply it is affecting my relationship with my mother even all these years later. By the way I had a very unhappy childhood which was because my father was emotionally abusive and my mother was depressed.

[JudyKayTee]

Yes, I could forgive her. It sounds like you were not in any shape to care for your son, your mother weighed both sides and made a choice. Only you know if it was a spiteful choice and whether in the long run it was the best situation for your son, which is where all the attention should be focused.