[missingmybabies]

I'm trying to find out if there is any legal way for me to get visitation rights to my 3 children who were adopted by one of the paternal grandmothers. The whole story is a very long one but to sum it up the state of Nebraska removed them from my custody when I had a nervous breakdown. After 2 years of jumping through hoops doing everything the state had asked of me I realized with my mental health issues they were never going to give them back to me. I got in touch with my oldest daughters paternal grandmother who agreed to take temporary guardianship over them so to get them out of the state system. Once the kids got to Georgia Grandma decided that she would only agree to keep them if she as able to legally adopt them. Scared what would happen to them if I did not agree I did. She agreed on court record the day I relinquished that she would continue contact with me as it was in the best interest of my kids considering they were living with me until they were 10,9,and 4. She has since stopped almost all communication. My youngest has started acting out in almost every aspect of his life. He has been suspended from school on several occasions, has threatened to hurt himself, and continuously rebels against grandma. She has called me telling me she does not know what do with him, that she doesn't want to screw him up any further, that she was going to take him to a therapist, even that she was considering sending him home to me. She has done none of these things. My concern is that she is not doing what is in my children's best interest and therefore is doing life long damage to them. All three of my kids have expressed great interest in seeing and talking to me and how much they miss me. I strongly feel that my son is acting out solely due to her not allowing contact with me. I have contacted attorney's that tell me I can do nothing. I know there has to be a way to intervene before my kids destroy their lives out of sheer rebellion. Please help :(

[JudyKayTee]

After they are adopted you have absolutely no ties to them - they are no longer your children.

It sounds like the children should be taken away from both of you and put in a safe place.

[JudyKayTee]

Comments on this post
missingmybabies disagrees: your opinion is nasty... you prob are too


Please read the rules of the site - Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ.

You posted a legal question. You got the legal answer. I even threw in personal advice for free.

For whatever reason you allowed your children to be adopted - DIDN'T assign guardianship. Adoption. You washed your hands of them.

Now they are having problems. Now the adoptive mother doesn't want at least one of them any longer and wants to send that one (minimally) back to you, the mother who relinquished all rights.

And you're angry with me?

[excon]

I have contacted attorney's that tell me I can do nothing. I know there has to be a way to intervene before my kids destroy their lives out of sheer rebellion. Please help :(

Hello missing:

I don't know how YOU know there's a way. Oh, I know how you WANT there to be a way, but that won't make it happen.

However, I WILL say, that in the legal system, NOTHING is impossible. You MIGHT get some relief if you had the right lawyer and enough money to pay him to keep going, no matter what.

excon

[missingmybabies]

Thank you for your advice {unneccesary comments removed} If a lawyer and money is my only option than I guess that's the next step. I still find it hard to believe that there is no law governing what an adoptive parent can or cannot do to their adopted children... and I have on court record that she agreed to certain terms like visitation and contact... I'm still hoping by putting my situation out there that someone will have been there done that and be able to give me some advice on how to get around the legal system... like you said nothing is impossible... so there has to be a way... again thanks for the positive note... maybe I won't give up on this site completely... atleast not yet anyway :o

[this8384]

No, you're right. Nothing is impossible. It is, however, highly improbable. Like excon pointed out, you're going to need the right lawyer and that is going to cost you more than you have. Especially considering the fact that the adoptive parent has eliminated contact with you. You lawyer up and I guarantee she'll do the same. She might even get a better lawyer than you do, which isn't going to end well for anyone, especially the children. Quite frankly, I don't see this as a battle that you're going to win. If you keep trying to pursue this, you're going to put yourself into debt just trying to pay your attorney and you're not going to get what you want in the end.

Putting legal advice aside, you owe Judy an apology. You may not have liked her advice but personal attacks and insults, such as telling someone that they're "nasty", are not welcome here.

[excon]

and be able to give me some advice on how to get around the legal system... maybe I won't give up on this site completely... atleast not yet anyway :o

Hello again, m:

Give it up! The LAW is the LAW, and I'm pretty well up on it. So's Judy. Nobody is guessing here.

The only way to go around the legal system, is to GO AROUND THE LEGAL SYSTEM. I know a little bit about that too, and I don't recommend it.

OK, there IS a way to go around the law. I did it myself when I couldn't get custody of my son. I moved a block away from him. That did it.

excon

[ScottGem]

OK, First, this site does not permit personal attacks like what you have continued to do. You may not agree with Judy's comments, but using the comments feature to do so and to include a personal attack was out of line. Try re-reading your post. You admitted yourself that your mental history wouldn't allow regaining them and that their grandmother is not doing right by them. So what else is anyone to conclude but that neither of you should have them?

I still find it hard to believe that there is no law governing what an adoptive parent can or cannot do to their adopted children.

Second, But there ARE such laws. Once a person adopts a child they are its legal parent and have SOLE responsibility for that child. The rescinding parent loses all their rights. That's what the law says.

However, there is a ray of hope. Since you have the adoptive parents statement as part of the adoption proceedings, that you would have visitation and contact, you MAY be able to force the issue. But if attorneys are telling you you can't after reading the transcript then they must know something. So unless you can find an attorney that believes that the declarations in court amount to some sort of contract, then I'm afraid you are stuck.

One other possibility would be to report this to children's services. They may find that the grandmother is unfit as a parent. But if that happens, they are more likely to put the kids in the system rather than return them to you.

[ScottGem]

I will say this once more. Even if we were to agree that Judy's initial advice was nasty (which I don't), you can attack the advice, but not the person as you did. And then you compound the error by continuing your personal attacks. This will not be tolerated.

Also, its not appropriate to use the comments feature as you have done. If you want to disagree with someone's opinion then do so in a follow-up post and stice to disagreeing with what they posted, do not make it a personal attack.

If you persist in these personal attacks further action will be taken.

[missingmybabies]

Second, But there ARE such laws. Once a person adopts a child they are its legal parent and have SOLE responsibility for that child. The rescinding parent loses all their rights. That's what the law says.

I'm confused scott... I know I have no legal rights to them anymore... trust I know that law well... the law of which I was asking about is what an adoptive parent can get away with... if the only thing I can do is report it to the state then so be it... again whatever it takes to make it right... my mental health issues are a past issue... as in no longer an issue... I had a nervous breakdown... you can recover from them I just wasn't able to until it was to late in the states eyes... I haven't shown the transcript to any attorneys... I have only spoke with a few over the phone... I was hoping that by putting my story out there I would be able to get some advice or knowledge that I could take to an attorney... {inappropriate attack removed}

[ScottGem]

the law of which I was asking about is what an adoptive parent can get away with...

An adoptive parent is the legal parent. They are subject to the same laws about abuse, neglect etc. that ANY parent is. If you feel that your former children are not being taken care of correctly, then you can report it to the agency that is responsible in that area.

[this8384]

I think it's time to close the thread. The OP keeps asking the same thing over and over again, and keeps trying to get a different answer because they don't like the consistent one they're getting.

[Justwantfair]

I didn't see any forms of abuse or neglect in the initial post.

Although "your children" are acting out, there wasn't anything mentioned that would warrant that the custodial grandmother is doing anything wrong except trying to raise some traumatized children. There is no doubt that even if there was a way for you to step in now, that you would have any better control for them or that the lifelong damages could be avoided.