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ma889 · Feb 27, 2009, 11:15 AM

Hey guys I'm 22year old fair skinned black woman from london town
I'm really curious as to why I'm soooo sexually attracted to white guys
But on the other hand wouldn't want to date one openly in public
I've had a white boyfirend before the sex was amazing I seriously lust after
Such men... but I wouldn't want to walk down the street with a white guy on my
Arm only a brotha

Help!!

bronzebabe · Feb 27, 2009, 11:18 AM

you are clearly in conflict with yourself...WHY would you not be seen with a guy that you are attracted to? that's a bit shallow...skin color is just pigmentation, and means very little...if you do not resolve the inner conflict, you will likely be unhappy with your whole life...

ma889 · Feb 27, 2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by bronzebabe

you are clearly in conflict with yourself...WHY would you not be seen with a guy that you are attracted to? that's a bit shallow...skin color is just pigmentation, and means very little...if you do not resolve the inner conflict, you will likely be unhappy with your whole life...

Interesting concept you know I never really looked at it like that you know thanks for the advice

smoothy · Feb 27, 2009, 11:24 AM

Personal choice as to liking white guys... everyone has some sort of preference. I've dated two black women in my single days that preffered white guys... they weren't fair skinned, but sort of average on darkness of the skin.

The Conflict part is a result of your upbringing. It's a form of prejudice. You can overcome that if you really wish. You are over halfway there.

ma889 · Feb 27, 2009, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Personal choice as to liking white guys.....everyone has some sort of preference. I've dated two black women in my single days that preffered white guys....they weren't fair skinned, but sort of average on darkness of the skin.

The Conflict part is a result of your upbringing. Its a form of prejudice. You can overcome that if you really wish. You are over halfway there.

What do u mean it's a form of predujice please elaborate? Thanks

smoothy · Feb 27, 2009, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by ma889

What do u mean its a form of predujice please elaborate? thnx

Probibly were encouraged to associate or have friends with other black kids first by your parents and relatives... maybe not overtly... but subtle pressure. You got old enough to make your own choices and find that what YOU preffer is great for you. But part of you wants to do what your parents want, your community wants etc. I found the few I did date each to be wonderful in their own way... Two were American, one was south American from Calis, Columbia... and WOW was she a hotty at 40. Big Language barrier however. Her english was even worse than my spanish.

That part isn't uncommon at all. Particularly if you are part of an ethnic minority ( or majority) the pressure to date within your community can be great. It happens in the Asian Communities as well as others. There isn't the same stigma today as there once was... but its still there a little, and it's that part of you that's feeling this. I'm sure there is a better way to describe this than I did. Its one of those things you know just is... but its hard to explain WHY. Some people have absolutely no problems but others have varied degrees of reluctance. Personally I was in the almost no reluctance range to go out in public with them or to introduce them to my friends... but a little about taking them back home where I grew up. I grew up in an area that frowned upon it. The peer pressure thing.

liz28 · Feb 27, 2009, 03:53 PM

Maybe you don't like being seen with white guys because your embrassed of being seen with them because of what others might think but you have to overcome that fear and don't care what others say because after all it's your life.

I am black and currently about to get married to a white guy and believe me sometimes when we go out we get looks but not that much because where I live it's no big deal but sometimes when we travel to another state we get those stares. But were happy and strong enough to overcome them.

In life color doesn't matter and love is blind. As long as you find someone that makes you happy and treat you right who cares what other think because people are going have something to negative to say about you regardless. Right? My family is mixed up with some of my relatives marrying Chinesse, Irish, German, etc men so my family don't care as long as the man your with does right by you.

Mymama · Feb 27, 2009, 04:16 PM

Color is just a color like age is just a number!
(unless it is like 18 and 50 than that is just gross)

Fr_Chuck · Feb 27, 2009, 08:28 PM

My main concern is why you would sleep with them, but not date them,

What color, height or weight is good for you, is not for everyone, so you date people who you want to be with.

talaniman · Feb 28, 2009, 12:13 PM

I think your more worried about what others would say, than enjoying who you want to be with.

nikosmom · Mar 8, 2009, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

my main concern is why you would sleep with them, but not date them

This is the part that bothers me as well. You're entitled to be attracted to anyone that gets your motor going. But to not want to be seen in public with them, then you're just using them. What if it were the other way around?

Maybe you are attracted to white men because, oh I don't know, attractive white men exist. Just as there are attractive black men, asian men, bi-racial men, etc. Beauty comes in all shades. ;)

I understand what Smoothy is saying that we are often socialized to date people that look like us. But when it comes down to it, be with whomever makes you happy.