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motherof4now · Feb 25, 2009, 11:42 AM

Okay, My oldest son is now 16. I think he needs counseling but I don't know where to start. He doesn't do drugs, or drink,I know this because he never leaves the house. He will do chores for me whenever I ask,but he never goes to see his friends. Only if they call him will he ever leave. On the weekend he still wants to know what "we are doing"
In school, his teachers tell me he is trying to have a social life rather than do his work.
He has been in trouble for this SO many times.I have had meetings with teachers and principals and the same nonsense keeps happening. Dazing off,talking to friends,not doing work. A general lack of care. I just bought him the new fancy iPod for his birthday 2 days ago and now I feel I have to take it away already. He has a fancy phone too. My husband and I hate to take that in case he might get a call from a friend to go out! He is so emotional and has been like this his whole life. I want him to get a job but he is refusing.. Should I take his TV,xbox,phone and Ipod? I just got another phone call from a teacher and I am totally fed up. I really feel he needs a mentor. His dad is not the one unfortunately. They get along during a nascar race or a football game but other than that my husband does not put forth any effort.? any advice?

barbiechick123 · Feb 25, 2009, 05:31 PM

Maybe you should tell your son that on weekends he can hang out with his friends but on weekdays he needs to focus on school.. not the other way around.

Also, maybe you should talk to him and see what's up, based on what you wrote it seems like he has a good social life at school but he never leaves, ask him why. Maybe he's a homebody? Anyway, ask him what's up and tell him calmly that HS is the most important part of his life so far and it will determine where he starts life for real and that if he doesn't pay attention he won't get anywhere and he WILL regret it.

Good luck, though. And may I suggest for a teen try not to be too punitive, because he seems like he needs help and a role model. Taking away his stuff won't help, it will just make him act out in anger. About his job, I suggest you start filling out applications for him and not giving him money when he does go out (or you can tell him he has to start paying his phone bill), that will surely make him want a job.

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slapshot_oi · Feb 27, 2009, 10:12 AM

So what's the problem exactly, him getting reprimanded at school for talking or his shyness? It's a paradox.

At any rate he is no where near throwing his life away, high school was made so kids can f**k-up and learn while they're still young and he's doing is talking out of turn, it's not an issue, it's just the teachers who think they are owed more respect than they actually deserve. He's just a teen, he probably wants a girlfriend and he might be a loner but whatever, he'll overcome his shyness.

From his perspective, I say just let him do his thing, if he feels most comfortable at home, then make him feel welcome. Don't pressure him to go out or anything like that.

spitvenom · Feb 27, 2009, 10:38 AM

When I turned 16 I didn't want to get a job but when my parents stopped giving me money I had no choice. Cell phones cost money, xbox games cost money, xbox live cost money. I didn't have a cell phone at 16 and my friends still seemed to be able to get a hold of me. You need to make him realize life isn't a free ride.