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    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #1

    Feb 23, 2009, 09:31 AM
    Want to take unusual online dating to the next level.
    For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to each other on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. However, here's where it gets sticky: She is twice my age (I'm 16) and is married with kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?:o

    Best,
    Anoymous
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #2

    Feb 23, 2009, 09:37 AM

    Welcome to AMHD. Have you ever met a jealous husband or boyfriend? Have you ever been struck by lightning? Have you ever known someone who wanted to be struck by lightning? My guess is that you will wish you had been struck by lightning if you continue to head down this path.
    wolfgangqpublic's Avatar
    wolfgangqpublic Posts: 189, Reputation: 29
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    #3

    Feb 23, 2009, 09:48 AM

    It'd be more than inconvenient - it would be statutory rape and adultery.
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #4

    Feb 23, 2009, 09:58 AM

    Perhaps if I took the ethical issues out of the question I could get more of a straight-forward answer?

    For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to each other on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. She is my age, and isn't married, and has no kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering the distance. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?

    Best,
    Anoymous
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #5

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    Perhaps if I took the ethical issues out of the question I could get more of a straight-forward answer?

    For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to eachother on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. She is my age, and isn't married, and has no kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering the distance. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?

    Best,
    Anoymous

    You can't remove the information that is the most pertinent for your situation. You are young and infatuated with Mrs. Robinson, but the facts are pretty easy. This is not going to lead anywhere. She is married, she has children, and she is old enough to be your mother. If this was a situation that was without that relevant information it would be addressed differently, but these are situational things that will damage you. If you did not see any problems, you wouldn't be here asking and perhaps you would have discussed this situation with your own mother, but under the circumstances you can not.

    Believe me, you will not see all of the advice here that is in your best interests, but if you love her, know that it is in her best interests also. If she were to enter a relationship with you she would destroy her marriage and children and she would end up in jail. If you do not believe than look online at all of the teachers that go to jail for "falling in love" with their students. You are in a no win situation. Please remove yourself from availability, if you love this women, as you are on a path that will destroy her life.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #6

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:08 AM

    Nope, what part of she is married don't you understand? What part of you're 16 doesn't she understand?

    I see a Chris Hansen special coming up.

    This is why I will be monitoring EVERYTHING my kids do online! No freakin adult perv is going to be doing this crap
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #7

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    You can't remove the information that is the most pertinent for your situation. You are young and infatuated with Mrs. Robinson, but the facts are pretty easy. This is not going to lead anywhere. She is married, she has children, and she is old enough to be your mother. If this was a situation that was without that relevant information it would be addressed differently, but these are situational things that will damage you. If you did not see any problems, you wouldn't be here asking and perhaps you would have discussed this situation with your own mother, but under the circumstances you can not.

    Believe me, you will not see all of the advice here that is in your best interests, but if you love her, know that it is in her best interests also. If she were to enter a relationship with you she would destroy her marriage and children and she would end up in jail. If you do not believe than look online at all of the teachers that go to jail for "falling in love" with their students. You are in a no win situation. Please remove yourself from availablity, if you love this women, as you are on a path that will destroy her life.
    I appreciate your view on this, I really do. I would've said the same thing to somebody in an identical situation before I met her. I've been infatuated, sure, but this is genuine love. Her marriage is dormant and stagnant to say the least. How can I just say goodbye to the woman that means the most to me? We share the same morals, values, scruples, interests, likes and dislikes, etc. We connect so well together and it took at least a month of us two deliberating before we decided it was worth starting the relationship. I feel like I've poured too much into this to leave now.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #8

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    How can I just say goodbye to the woman that means the most to me?
    Give the husband a call, let him know your intentions with his wife. Like any honorable man would have to do with the woman's father, well since she is married already, you will have to ask permission from the husband instead. Good luck with that.

    You will have every opportunity to communicate all the good-byes you would like because she will be sitting in a jail cell, if you follow through with this scenerio, for the next ten to fifteen years.

    How old are her children? Maybe they will love having a new father that they can not drink with, maybe you can go to the same school with them?

    DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEMS???
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #9

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:28 AM
    [QUOTE=George_1950 ]disagrees: I hate to say you are just a 16 year old and acting like a dumbass, but there: I've said it.[QUOTE]

    I'm in college at 16, have a job, have ambitions, and have expectations. I know what I'll be risking here, but I'd hardly call myself a dumbass because of it. Please realize that there are people who don't make status quo, or aren't in "cookie-cutter" relationships. If you'll read the OP I think you'll find that I didn't ask for your opinion on my intellegence, or the validity of my relationship. The only thing I asked is what I needed to do to continue and take the relationship to the next level. Thanks for your post.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #10

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:29 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    We share the same morals, values, scruples, interests, likes and dislikes, etc.
    If she shared the same morals, values and scruples, she would not be an internet predator now would she?
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #11

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    Give the husband a call, let him know your intentions with his wife. Like any honorable man would have to do with the woman's father, well since she is married already, you will have to ask permission from the husband instead. Good luck with that.

    You will have every opportunity to communicate all the good-byes you would like because she will be sitting in a jail cell, if you follow through with this scenerio, for the next ten to fifteen years.

    How old are her children? Maybe they will love having a new father that they can not drink with, maybe you can go to the same school with them?

    DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEMS???
    I am actually the age of majority via emancipation, so there is no threat of jail time, making it completely an ethical issue, once again.
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #12

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:37 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    If she shared the same morals, values and scruples, she would not be an internet predator now would she?
    An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.
    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
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    #13

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:49 AM

    Hello Sleight,

    I don't think you'll get the answer you're looking for here. If you re-read what you wrote in your OP with an open mind (without your personal feelings), you'll see how bizarre it sound to people that are reading your story.

    Even if I remove all the ethical issues in your situation, 14 hours away is far.. Long distance relationships are hard. Looking at it realistically, do you really want to travel 14 hours every time you go on a date with this woman?

    I would say move on, and find someone else.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #14

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.
    When one of the people involved isn't legally an adult, then yes, the legal adult is considered a predator.

    What reasonable 32 year old women would want a relationship with a child? You may be smart, you may be mature for your age, blah, blah, blah, but you are still a child.

    If you were 25 and she were 41 I wouldn't have a problem with this, because you'd both be adults. But, as it stands you are 16, she's 32, you are a child, she's a married women with children. You are a boy toy, she is a predator.

    The truth hurts kiddo, you don't have to like it, but you're the one that asked, and we're telling you the truth and nothing but the truth. It may not be easy to swallow, but swallow it you must.

    You're in love with a women you've never met. A women who preys on young boys, cheats on her husband, has no regard for her children (what women would allow a 16 year old to be a potential parent to her kids) and doesn't give a rats a$$ who she hurts, as long as she gets what she wants.

    You're young, I don't expect you to be mature enough to handle this, but at 32 she should know better.

    This won't end well, I'd bet money on it! And before you give me a reddie because you don't like my opinion, read the rules of this site.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #15

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    I am actually the age of majority via emancipation, so there is no threat of jail time, making it completely an ethical issue, once again.
    Who's ethical issues are you talking about? What book of ethics have you been reading? You don't even have the capability to see around corners at 16 yrs. Of age. If you are so smart, you would know that the brain does not develop to this capacity until a it's reached it's age of maturity, into your twenty's. What about the children? Have not thought about them from an ethical and moral stand point? You would be ruining more lives than you know, just out of your young, selfishness greed.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #16

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:54 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.

    First, if you are going to support this woman and her children - and I do realize you are in College - you need to learn how to spell.

    Second, taking this at face value. You are in love with her. She is in love with you. Her marriage is dead or tired or whatever her marriage is. By legal standards in your States you are both adults.

    So you both act like adults. She tells her husband she wants a divorce, wants to do the honorable thing, doesn't want your relationship to be a dark, dirty secret. You act like a man and address this with her husband after she tells him she wants a divorce.

    Where is her husband when you are having these nightly lengthy telephone conversations? She owes it to that relationship to be honest with him.

    You tell your parents you love her, no secret relationship.

    It's all out in the open, no secrets. That's the next level in a relationship. That's the adult level.
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #17

    Feb 23, 2009, 11:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    When one of the people involved isn't legally an adult, then yes, the legal adult is considered a predator.

    What reasonable 32 year old women would want a relationship with a child? You may be smart, you may be mature for your age, blah, blah, blah, but you are still a child.

    If you were 25 and she were 41 I wouldn't have a problem with this, because you'd both be adults. But, as it stands you are 16, she's 32, you are a child, she's a married women with children. You are a boy toy, she is a predator.

    The truth hurts kiddo, you don't have to like it, but you're the one that asked, and we're telling you the truth and nothing but the truth. It may not be easy to swallow, but swallow it you must.

    You're in love with a women you've never met. A women who preys on young boys, cheats on her husband, has no regard for her children (what women would allow a 16 year old to be a potential parent to her kids) and doesn't give a rats a$$ who she hurts, as long as she gets what she wants.

    You're young, I don't expect you to be mature enough to handle this, but at 32 she should know better.

    This won't end well, I'd bet money on it! And before you give me a reddie because you don't like my opinion, read the rules of this site.
    It seems to me most strange that you should make malicious comments regarding this woman, consitering you have never met her. I'm the one who wanted to call her, I'm the one who wants to visit her, I'm the one who fell in love with her. I don't see how any of that situation qualifies her as a predator. She cares very much about her kids, enough to home-school them at that. I don't have to explain myself or anyone else to you, please stick to the OP as much as possible before forming opinions about the situation. In addition, I am at the age of majority as I think I mentioned above, which by definition means that I refuse all claims as a child. That's right, I pay taxes, I have my own home and vehicle and insurance.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #18

    Feb 23, 2009, 11:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    It seems to me most strange that you should make malicious comments regarding this woman, consitering you have never met her. I'm the one who wanted to call her, I'm the one who wants to visit her, I'm the one who fell in love with her. I don't see how any of that situation qualifies her as a predator. She cares very much about her kids, enough to home-school them at that. I don't have to explain myself or anyone else to you, please stick to the OP as much as possible before forming opinions about the situation. In addition, I am at the age of majority as I think I mentioned above, which by definition means that I refuse all claims as a child. That's right, I pay taxes, I have my own home and vehicle and insurance.


    If you have all of these assets I don't know what the quandry is. You want to be with her. She wants to be with you. You have the means to support and shelter her and her children. She leaves "him" and comes to live with you. Very few 16 year olds are in College and have their own home, vehicle and insurance so you definitely can take care of her (and her children).

    The Court decides whether she's fit or not fit and that's how custody of the children is awarded.

    Maybe she's a predator; maybe she's not. I don't see that as the issue.

    You want to be together, you have the means - I don't think I understand the problem, why you can't move the relationship to the next level.
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #19

    Feb 23, 2009, 11:10 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    First, if you are going to support this woman and her children - and I do realize you are in College - you need to learn how to spell.

    Second, taking this at face value. You are in love with her. She is in love with you. Her marriage is dead or tired or whatever her marriage is. By legal standards in your States you are both adults.

    So you both act like adults. She tells her husband she wants a divorce, wants to do the honorable thing, doesn't want your relationship to be a dark, dirty secret. You act like a man and address this with her husband after she tells him she wants a divorce.

    Where is her husband when you are having these nightly lengthy telephone conversations? She owes it to that relationship to be honest with him.

    You tell your parents you love her, no secret relationship.

    It's all out in the open, no secrets. That's the next level in a relationship. That's the adult level.
    Thank you, sir, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?
    Sleight's Avatar
    Sleight Posts: 17, Reputation: -1
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    #20

    Feb 23, 2009, 11:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sleight View Post
    Thank you, ma'am, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?

    EDIT: Ma'am

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