[wanttobeloved]

It's a long story but I'll try to sum it up. Me and my daughter father have known each other all of our lives, we grew up together. We started a relationship years ago dated for 4 yrs in that time he cheated several times, got married and had a son. The marriage didn't even last a year (he dated his wife all through and after college). We got back together after the breakup. I got pregnant had our daughter he didn't want anymore children we argued a lot during the pregnancy till finally I decided I was tired of the drama and ended it. Well he didn't have anything to do with me or my daughter for 4 yrs. In that time he had a live in girlfriend etc.. I on the other hand did not date anyone after our breakup (for 4 lonely happy peaceful years! ) Anyway we had a childsupport date and we had to end up exchanging phone numbers. He started calling said that he wanted to be in his daughter life this was in July of 08 and he has been there for her from that day on. In the process we ended up getting back together. We had always been friends first and always had a great time together so when he came back it was like he had never left if that makes sense. It was like we just picked up where we left off. SO!! His thing is that he has changed and will be honest with me because he has grown up in the last 5-6 yrs. His son stays in a different state and he no longer wants to come home to visit with his dad, also his living arrangements has changed so it's understandable. So Thanksgiving he tells me he is going to visit his son and he will be staying with him and the ex-wife?? So I huff and puff and tell him that I'm not going to stand for that blah blah he went anyway. He called everyday answered when I called etc... I was pissed when he got back played the mad game for about a week. We didn't spend any holidays together he visited with our daughter he went to his families house I went to mine. Anyway I know all the answers to my questions and I know if your reading my story it sound horrible and why would I want to be with someone who treats me so bad. I can't answer that question I do know that I love him and I want my daughter to have a family just like he and I did with our parents. Know we have an argument every other week he has went back 2 more times to visit with his son so he says just to watch his basketball games. I ask if there is anything going on but he says it is strictly about his son. I have told him several times that it is OVA! And that last for about a week and were back talking like old times. We were like this the first time we dated it's like we can't stay away form each other if I'm not trying to get back with him he's trying to get back with me. This has been on going on and off for at least 8-9 years now. He has talked marriage but at this point it's the last thing on my mind. This last episode he's mad because he has to pay me a significant amount of childsupport and we are together but I won't make him stop paying, and I'm not going to unless we get married. So he gets mad and we have this cussin match and I say I'm done. It is SO HARD FOR ME TO MOVE ON FROM THIS!! (I'm in tears at this point). I have read every post on this site to try and help me feel better. I can't stop answering his calls because he calls to talk to our daughter. I can't not see him because he comes to pick her up. I know I need to cut my losses but in a situation like this I don't even know where to start. Just being honest because I want to keep this real I actually wish that this would work out. I wish that we would have no problems and this would last. My family knows that we are together (Obviously there is a conflict because of how he has treated me). His family does not. The more I type the worse it sounds. When we are together it's passionate it always has been and believe or not we do love each other. Anyway I stop now. Thanks for listening!!

[UnluckyDucky]

Hello and thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're going through these feelings right now, it must be very difficult to be in that situation. It looks like you've already made the decision to move on and are having a real tough time with the emotions you're going through. Although I can't say I've gone through what you're going through now, I can definitely empathize how difficult this must be for you.

How long ago has it been since you've broken this off for good?

[wanttobeloved]

It has been a week today since I have decided to move on. I have ignored his calls all week because I just needed some time where I wouldn't hear his voice or want to talk to him. He has called everyday since the last fall out, but today was the first time I actually answered because he's been calling to talk to our daughter. I acted regular laughed and joked for about 5 minutes and then I said let me call you back just to end the conversation. This is the first time where I am not sick to my stomach and I'm not crying everyday because I'm hurt or hurting. It's just tough

[neverme]

Stop living in a fantasy land!

You two are not 'star crossed lovers' and you are not supposed to be together.

Even if he is not cheating with the ex wife does it really matter? You know in your heart and soul that he is capable of that. And that is disgusting.

I am glad to hear you are trying to stay strong.

Here's an idea, why not drop your daughter off at a mutual friend or family member's house to be collected by him once a week at the same time every week. That way there is no REAL reason to talk to him.

Do not deprive your daughter of her father, however questionable his actions are, everyone deserves to know their father. But you already know this...

[talaniman]

With the history, and connection of a child, you will surely be hard pressed to move on.

But you did ignore him for a week, and still managed to cut short the conversation with him. That's something to build on.

Keep it about his child, and be polite, but to busy for personal chit-chat, until your much stronger about accepting he ain't giving you what you need to be happy, and you have to do that for yourself.

[wanttobeloved]

Hello I see a lot of post on the no contact rule. How does that work is that where you just block the persons phone number where they can't call. Is it suppose to be where you try to be strong and just ignore there phone calls (if they even call)? Do you get your number changed where they can't call you at all? How do you work through the no contact rule if they do call or if they never call? Just wondering I'm trying to work through the no contact right now. I have his number blocked one minute. The next minute I take it off and try to fool myself by saying if he calls I won't answer ( I"N GOING TO BE STRONG THIS TIME!! ) but really I do that just to see if he will call. Then I block the number again so my feeling won't be hurt because he's not calling, but I justify saying he's not calling because his number is blocked. :eek: I'm at the crazy point in my break-up it's still fresh and I don't know what to do with myself. But I really need to stick with this no contact rule. I thought about getting my number changed last night but that's too much work on my part to explain to everybody why I got my number changed?? HELP:)

[A4Effort]

The " No Contact Rule" extends farther than just your phone. You basically try to avoid all contact with your ex in order to be able to heal again. Every time you see or hear from your ex, you will be reminded of the past. Hence why you cannot contact them in ANY way. Remove anything that may remind you of them and start working on yourself. Its hard, I am in the process of attempting this rule too and I am failing horribly. But, that is part of the process. Just dust yourself off and get back up again.

[talaniman]

You are not alone, as this forum is busting at the seams, with people in your same situation.

It may help to read the stickies at the beginning of the relationships forum and get some good insights, and information, as to how others have come through this process.

There is a link in my signature, in case you have a problem finding the stickies.