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BLS88 · Feb 21, 2009, 05:18 PM

For about 2 or 3 months now I've developed this huge intense crush on a friend of mine that I have only known for 6 or 7 months. For the longest time I couldn't tell if he was interested in me so one day I just confessed my attraction to him and he said the feelings were mutual. Not too long after that, we had sex for the first time together. He then asked me to be his girlfriend but days later I couldn't tell if we were a couple or not so I just considered myself still single. I've had time to think about everything, he's in the military and is going to iraq in May. I'll be leaving for bootcamp myself in that same month so I'm okay with us being just friends but every time we have sex my feelings for him grow deeper even though I really don't want them to. I really just want to enjoy him while he's here and vice versa but I really hope our friendship doesn't change if we stop having sex. What should I do? Sorry I wrote so much.

heartbroke · Feb 21, 2009, 06:32 PM

I would have thought you knew that sex would change things...

Alty · Feb 21, 2009, 06:36 PM

Heartbroke, had to spread the rep, but I agree.

Sex does change everything, most people cannot just be friends with benefits, sooner or later someone develops stronger feelings for the other.

Why not talk to him about it, tell him how you feel? He's not a mind reader, maybe he feels the same way you do. You won't know until you ask.

Good luck.

Alty · Feb 21, 2009, 06:37 PM

Okay, you never mentioned that he was still in love with his ex.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ly-320338.html

Chances are that you won't get what you want out of this, unless you're just looking for sex.

BLS88 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:15 PM

I just wasn't thinking straight. I really did get my hopes up for nothing and honestly I saw it coming but I didn't want to believe it. About his ex girlfriend, he hasn't exactly said he loves her he told me he still has "love for her" but I get this feeling that he's not being truthful to me about it. Because of our circumstances, I'm not expecting a relationship but I would at least like for him to just tell me where we stand because I'm really confused...

Alty · Feb 21, 2009, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by BLS88

I just wasnt thinking straight. I really did get my hopes up for nothing and honestly I saw it coming but I didnt want to believe it. About his ex gf, he hasnt exactly said he loves her he told me he still has "love for her" but I get this feeling that he's not being truthful to me about it. Because of our circumstances, I'm not expecting a relationship but I would at least like for him to just tell me where we stand because I'm really confused...

Then you have to ask him.

We can't tell you what's on his mind, how he feels or what he's planning, only he can do that. You can either let it go, continue like you are or talk to him about how you feel, ask him how he feels.

Communication, regardless of the relationship, is important. If you want this to progress into something other than sex, then you need to start talking.

Good luck.

BLS88 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:30 PM

Yeah you're right. I have tried talking to him (last night) and he said something like "I like you too, we just hardly ever see eachother since we're both always working" which is true, then he changed the subject like a switch and I got annoyed. He's not good at talking things out, at least with me anyway, and his friends told me he's not too good with girls so maybe it's just that he's shy? Idk.. I don't want to pressure him, but I'm going to get this all straightened out at some point. Thanks for the advice :)

Alty · Feb 21, 2009, 07:35 PM

No problem, let us know how it goes. :)

heartbroke · Feb 22, 2009, 11:34 AM

Ya Altenweg is right, as much as you may think that men can read minds, the rumor is false! Give him some time to think about it, pressuring him into answering your question will only push him further away.

talaniman · Feb 22, 2009, 11:45 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ly-320338.html

After reading your other post, I get the impression that your both rushing into the physical, before you get the bonding, and communications established. I can only conclude your moving to fast, and have skipped some important steps that help you both, know each other better. Or maybe since your both leaving soon, it all about the sex any way. Expecting too much, to soon, from a partner rarely works.

Originally Posted by heartbroke

I would have thought you knew that sex would change things....

Had to spread the rep, but this is so true!

BLS88 · Feb 22, 2009, 04:34 PM

As if this story seems to be bad already, I have even worse news... I think I could be pregnant by him. About a month ago we got physical but unfortunately, the condom broke and I was two weeks shy of my period. Now I'm really freaking out I don't know how this can get any worse...