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Rasmé · Feb 19, 2009, 04:32 PM

I've known this guy for a few months now and I've been attracted to him since the moment I met him. We got to talking through a mutual friend, and it's been obvious to everyone (including him) from the outset that I liked him.
Over the past few weeks he's been inviting me out with his friends, and usually by the end of the evening we'll have coupled off from the others and spent a good deal of time kissing etc.
We went out on a date for the first time on valentine's day and it was pretty good, we spent most of the afternoon and evening together.
But I haven't seen anything of him in college since, and I've only spoken to him online twice, and both times he only spoke briefly in answer to any questions or anything that I asked.
I really don't have a clue what's going on here. Does he not want to seem too eager, or is this his way of telling me he's bored of me?
It's just that the dated ended really well with a lot of passionate kissing goodbye, and he texted me as soon as I got on my bus home.
Also, he usually texts me loads and chats a lot online, so it seems like he might be giving me the cold shoulder?
What does everyone think? What should I do?
Please help! I'm sick of being kept in the dark by guys like this! :(

PS I should probably mention that the first night we kissed he told me that he didn't want a serious relationship (which I'd already been warned about by his friends but am OK with) and that he was worried because he didn't want to hurt me. A couple of days later I asked him what it was that he wanted with me and explained to him that I was fine with having something casual and hinted that I was up for whatever suited him. He said he was confused and needed time to think, but that he really liked me. So I don't know what's going on with that either..

neverme · Feb 19, 2009, 04:50 PM

Well the only thing you can do is ask.

You don't want to be kept in the dark?

Then don't keep him in the dark, just ask.. it can't be any worse than the unknown.

Rasmé · Feb 19, 2009, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

Well the only thing you can do is ask.

You don't want to be kept in the dark?

Then don't keep him in the dark, just ask..it can't be any worse than the unknown.

any tips on how exactly to ask?
it seems a bit blunt to just come out with it when we aren't even having a proper conversation =S

Gearhe4d · Feb 19, 2009, 05:04 PM

Don't be afraid of being too blunt. As a guy, I would respect a girl who openly makes her feelings known, I hate being kept in the dark on things.

If he rejects you for being direct about this, then don't waste your time with him. Relationships are way too complicated to have to keep everything inside and just hope the other person feels the same about you as you do for them.

Just find the courage.

neverme · Feb 19, 2009, 05:05 PM

Well why don't you I'm or text him and ask him if he wants to meet u for a coffee?

Then, if he says yes, it may be easiest to start with 'Hey stranger! how are you?'

Hopefully that will just begin the conversation then.

If not, bite the bullet and go for it.

Just say 'So what's going on with us?'

Rasmé · Feb 19, 2009, 05:08 PM

thanks =]
I'll have to try to pull up the courage to do that =P
haha

liz28 · Feb 19, 2009, 05:15 PM

Get the courage and do it then because he might just be busy. But know that when your out in the dating scene it is never good to put all your eggs in one basket so get out and start meeting people.

neverme · Feb 19, 2009, 05:15 PM

It's no big deal, he may just have been busy.

And if he just isn't that into you,his loss!

liz28 · Feb 19, 2009, 05:18 PM

Also, it is good to follow your instincts because it seems you took a big liking to him and sometimes that can work against you.

dangiex · Feb 20, 2009, 11:04 AM

And its best to ask once, it'll give you courage enough to do so again about anything if you feel the need to; and asking helps remove the formality and awkwardness in relationships.. and you never know, maybe asking him upfront will make him realise that you really are worried about his behaviour.

artlady · Feb 20, 2009, 11:24 AM

An easy way to break the ice is to ask*Did I do something to offend you*? *I was just wondering because I haven't heard from you*.

Short and to the point.At least you aren't saying,I missed you putting yourself out there as an obsessed girl wanting to hook up.Its just an innocent question.

heartbroke · Feb 20, 2009, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Rasmé

PS I should probably mention that the first night we kissed he told me that he didn't want a serious relationship (which I'd already been warned about by his friends but am ok with) and that he was worried because he didn't want to hurt me. ..

I think you said it yourself, He doesn't want a serious relationship. It sounds like you are really into him and want a serious one.

talaniman · Feb 21, 2009, 09:59 AM

He told me that he didn't want a serious relationship (which I'd already been warned about by his friends but am ok with) and that he was worried because he didn't want to hurt me. A couple of days later I asked him what it was that he wanted with me and explained to him that I was fine with having something casual and hinted that I was up for whatever suited him

Seems real clear to me, as you have agreed on just casual. Obviously you want more, and he doesn't, so he is backing away. So should you. I think you have more feelings than your admitting to, and you hope he feels the same. He doesn't.

You should have listened to his friends, but his actions speak as loud as his words, you just don't want to hear them.

heartbroke · Feb 21, 2009, 02:43 PM

Oops

heartbroke · Feb 21, 2009, 02:49 PM

Leave him be, if he likes you hell come back around. You kind of gave yourself up when

Originally Posted by Rasmé

.I was fine with having something casual and hinted that I was up for whatever suited him. ..

Making yourself available to him at his own time. You sound emotionally attached to him already, since you are wondering why you haven't heard from him. He probably picked up on that and needed to think. Leave him be for now, if you don't give chase hell wonder why and come back looking for answers.