[teastalk]

On the first date with my boyfriend we were eating sushi. I was stuffed. He may or may not have jokingly said this, but he told me that I had to finish the last sushi. I told him I was full. He said that I had to finish the last piece if I wanted equality in our relationship. I laughed and told him I didn't want to.

Then another time I remember was when we were going to a friend's birthday party. He told me not to go because it would affect our relationship. We had a small argument over this.

I can't really remember anything else, that is similar to these stories, but I thought that we were really great together.

[Romefalls19]

I'm not getting what you are asking? The first one sounds like he was joking.

[teastalk]

Well, he ended up putting the sushi piece on my plate and I ended up finishing the sushi even though I was stuffed.

Then the party night, I didn't attend because he told me that if I went it would negatively affect our relationship.

After that, when he went out to play soccer with a group of people, he told me that I couldn't go and watch. He participated in a club on campus. I asked him if I could go and watch just once and he told me that I couldn't. This club was a club I also used to attend, but stopped going once I got busy with a part-time job.

[ZoeMarie]

I wouldn't waste my time. He sounds controlling.

[UnluckyDucky]

This guy sounds like a total control freak!

How would going to a birthday negatively affect your relationship with him? Telling you what to eat and saying it's a matter of equality in the relationship?

I hate to say it but these are some serious red flags here...

[kctiger]

Wait a minute... I am confused...

Is he your boyfriend, or your boss?

[artlady]

Some ethnic and religious groups have customs and mores that many people do not understand.

Does this apply at all ? Are you dating out of your cultural group?

It could be a cultural thing that compelled him to say these things.

If that does not apply than I would heed the advice of others here who suggest his behavior is controlling and a red flag for further dominance.

[liz28]

Not only does he sounds controlling but he might have some insecurities issues going on too and neither are good. So why do you put up with it?

What exactly does equality in the relationship means to him because as soon as those words flew out of him mouth I'd have question it because it sound stupid. Then depending on his answer that would have been the end of us.

[dangiex]

Why don't just ask him? Cpnfront him with all this..

[teastalk]

I did ask him, multiple times that night why going to the party would negatively affect our relationship. He told me that it just would. I asked him to stay, but he told me that he had to go because one of the members of a club he attends told him to go.

Later, I told him that I wanted to know why he said that my attendance at the party would negatively affect our relationship.

He told me that he didn't say that.

[Fr_Chuck]

It will only get worst, he will start controlling you and making you feel poorly about your own choices, this is a vary common controlling method.

You need to
1. start doing what you want, throw the food back at him if you say no or walk away from the plate.

2, just dump him now, since he is not worth the hassle.

[nikosmom]

How long have you been dating this guy? Is there a reason you don't think you can leave?

The signs are there and things will only get worse. It's best to get out now.

[teastalk]

The relationship has been 9 months old.

Yeah, I did feel like I was doing wrong by whichever decision I made. He didn't want me to go to club activities at school and gave reasons such as my friends haven't been attending the meetings, I dislike the club, and they only do boring activities at the club meetings. Other than that things were okay except for one other thing.

[nikosmom]

Sounds like he's getting his rocks off by putting down your interests. That's a bad sign.

When you're involved with someone of course you won't like all the same thing but it's important to respect your different interests. And he's not doing that by criticizing your activities.

[teastalk]

Ah, sorry, I forgot to mention that this is the club that he regularly attends. When we first met, he sent me a text and told me to come visit the club. I had attended the club freshman year, but then I stopped going last semester because of time commitments. I couldn't go last semester, but I wanted to start going again this semester. Then comes in what I said earlier "He didn't want me to go to club activities at school and gave reasons such as my friends haven't been attending the meetings, I dislike the club, and they only do boring activities at the club meetings. Other than that things were okay except for one other thing."