[Reuben_El_Popo]

Hey there.

I am a 17yr old (18 in august) living with his father and step mother. I graduated high school almost a year ago, work at my local Dairy Queen, and am currently (albeit grudgingly) attending community college.

My problem is that I get these feelings that my stepmom doesn't want me to be around. I am a largely unmotivated and uninspired person (big surprise) and just want to find job that I can live off for a while. All of my stepmom's sons have careers, houses, and corvettes, and she herself is a Project Manager at our local Internet and Phone provider. I feel that I get compared to her sons in every way imaginable, and she just doesn't want me around. For example, Due to work schedules of my friends, I often spend Friday and Saturday nights at home, and this prevents her from having the "private time" (gag) with my dad that she had a few years ago. I also am not actively seeking a girlfriend at the moment, I see the whole idea of romance nowadays to be a joke, and a waste of time, and instead play Magic: The Gathering with my friends.

I know I'm kind of a slacker-type person, but it seems that she will not accept me for who I am, and the stark contrast between me and her sons seems to have broken apart our relationship, and is breaking the relationship between her and my father. I don't want to be the cause of their almost inevitable divorce, but she only ever speaks her mind through emails, and the lack of actual dialogue (any responses of mine are met with more yelling and more jabs at the way I live my life) makes me so ing pissed off that I want to tear my eyes out.:mad:

I apologize for the brick of text. Can someone help me?

[neverme]

How is the relationship with your father?

Have you talked to him about what is going on?

[neverme]

,,

[Reuben_El_Popo]

Sorry about the delay in responding.

Yes, I've talked with him about it, but he is also fighting with her at the same time. She'll turn form accusing me of something, to accusing my dad of supporting me always and her never.

Eventually, things will calm down for a while, but nothing ever gets settled. She'll run downstairs, and scream something like "Thank you nigel for RUINING MY MARRIAGE!!!"

I never wanted to ruin anything, just spend some time with my dad ( I lived with my biological mother for five years prior)

My dad himself doesn't know what to do, because she's almost forcing the "It's either me or him" ultimatum, and he'd rather have both.

[neverme]

Ok I mean this is the nicest way I can mean it but your dad needs to grow a pair.

You are his child. It is not your responsibility or burden to take on a marriage.

I can tell from your other posts that you have a sound head about you, so realise that a marriage is made up of a lot more than the stresses a singular person or action.

What is going on is between them not you!

Can you go stay with your mother?

Are any friends moving out of home soon?

You can still see your father if your not living with him. I would recommend that you get out of this situation I'm sure it's soul destroying.

(Just by the way, I have to go now but I check up fairly regular and if you would like feel free to pm me)

Best of Luck.

[Reuben_El_Popo]

Heh. I moved out of my mom's house for almost the same (except opposite) reason. Between the two of us (me and my dad), we have created a plan on what to do if my stepmom does decide to leave, but all the same, it's the worst case scenario, gnome sane? Some of my friends are looking for roommates, but I need to manage a bit more income before that can become an option. (6.90/hr 10hrs/week doesn't lend itself to little more than weekly spending money)

[seph2004]

With my personal experience, I found it much easier to deal with my parents by listening to what they have to say. The best thing for you to do in this situation is talk to your stepmom and address these issues head on. Also bear this in mind, even though you may have graduated high school early and are attending a secondary education program, don't be cocky because you achieved this, there is much more to life than school, however, you NEED to listen to your stepmom, it is crucial in bonding with her. There is no shame in communicating to her what is bothering you, keep an open-mind about the discussion, don't instigate and most of all, respect her, she is your stepmom, she is there to help you become a better person. I am very sure your mother, father, and step-mother are very proud of you for taking on a very challenging step into becoming a better person (college).

Also beginning to understand a marriage is something that is difficult to grasp at first, but marriage between opposite sexes is human nature and there are stresses that go along with all of it so you have to be more forgiving about things you feel aren't right. The best way to do this is to constructively discuss this. Not like a high schooler, like an adult, lay it all out on the table with both your step-mom and your dad. Once you have done this, they are going to explain to you what they feel is reasonable. Remember, if you are living with your step-mom and dad that whole thing about respecting your elders should be something that you actively do. Remember, they are supplying everything for you. Keep these things in mind when they ask things of you.

In response to your attitude towards having a relationship, I think that it's your choice to do as you do, however, eventually, you are going to find someone that you adore and you would do anything to spend time with that person. If you state you are a little bit of a slacker, how do you expect to pursue a relationship of any kind with this attitude? I think if you found someone that cared for you as much as you cared for them that you would change as a person and learn to appreciate your step-mom and dad's marriage and relationship. The best thing for you to do is at least keep up with yourself. People that you meet judge you on your appearance, yes sad but true, it's human nature, it happens everywhere, your personal appearance shows everyone you see and meet what state you are in, mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you aren't motivated to actively take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, what makes you think that anyone else will be motivated to associate with you?

Here's what I suggest you do. Continue school, continue working, listen to your parents that you live with: this means don't put up a fight about anything, and see how things go. If things don't change, address it by talking to both parents and iron the kinks out. Things can be worked out and to be perfectly honest, it seems that you are just putting up a fight to prove a point and that's the issue that your step-mom feels is the original problem.

Think of it this way, your parents aren't going to live forever, so cherish, respect, and love them as if they could be taken away at any given moment.