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Chaseme1973 · Feb 16, 2009, 04:41 PM

Hi
I have been dating this guy for 6 months. In that time he's met my friends and gotten to know all about me. I have never been to his house, nor have I met any of his family or friends. I get a sense that he's a bit ashamed of something. He's from overseas and he told me that if he doesn't get his visa renewed that he's going to have to go back home. He told me about a month ago that he's going to be here for 2 years - but now he's not so sure. Before he told me that he's 'not so sure' I asked him to move in - for financial reasons not to settle down - I want to go over seas myself - but maybe in a years time or so. He said he can't because he doesn't want to drive me up the wall - that he's got issues to sort out mentally and physically. He went and got an endoscope shoved down his throat the other week as well and he had good results. He suffers from respitory problems. He told me he did cocaine (but here in NZ you have to be a millionaire to keep that habit) so he's obviously off it. He can never seem to make up his mind (about anything). Even now it's I'm leaving the country I'm not leaving the country. This guy knows a lot about me - and I know bugger all about him. I have a feeling he's trying to commit but can't commit (and not because he isn't into me). His indecisiveness and physical problems lead me to believe he use to be a drug addict. He told me that he got depressed over new years so there are obvious signs of depression - even though I never see that. Is he keeping me safe from his nightmare of rehabilitation - or is he just a wanker that I should dump. I'm not right at the end and I am patient as - but I don't want to invest in someone I don't have a future with.
Regards M

chuff · Feb 16, 2009, 06:07 PM

It sounds like he's not sure what he wants. I'd ask him directly, and if he can't give you a solid answer then I'd move on.

Chaseme1973 · Feb 16, 2009, 08:45 PM

Yeah you're right. Thanks! I'll stop returning his calls.

friend4u178 · Feb 16, 2009, 08:56 PM

It certainly doesn't sound like he's willing to invest in you so why should you in him.

I wouldn't waste anymore of your time on him if I were you.

Good Luck!

talaniman · Feb 16, 2009, 09:53 PM

If you have second thoughts after 6 months, then its probably not worth continuing down this path.

neverme · Feb 16, 2009, 10:06 PM

Absolutely not.. get rid.

Think what the title could have been 'don't know if my boyfriend is a drug addict or if he wants me for a visa, or if in fact he is mentally instable, what should I do?'

Chaseme1973 · Feb 16, 2009, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you have second thoughts after 6 months, then its probably not worth continuing down this path.

Well that's what I mean - it HAS been six months - and things have been great. He's not using me for a visa - he has to get it renewed and he's not stupid enough to ask me to help him get one. I don't know if he use to be a drug addict but there are tell tale signs that maybe he is - because in the last text I received from him he said he had to sort out mentally and physically. What ever that means. The guy isn't Not letting me in - I haven't actually been pushing him to let me in. I think my email above is a bit harsh now that I think about it. He's not being a prick. I think I'm scared of asking him - in case I get rejected and also - what if he's not the person I think he is. There's that aspect as well.

Chaseme1973 · Feb 17, 2009, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you have second thoughts after 6 months, then its probably not worth continuing down this path.

Thanks - those sayings are really uplifting and helpful - like the law of A

Chaseme1973 · Feb 17, 2009, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by Chaseme1973

Thanks - those sayings are really uplifting and helpful - like the law of A

I'm going to listen to some tool now! Lol joking