[curmudgeon]

How do I shed my stress without pushing everyone away from me?

I am stressed and anxious about everything these days and I just can't seem to let it go. It is almost like I view everything toward me as an attack. I know I am not seeing things clearly after I have had a chance to process everything, but it is usually too late and I end up putting my foot in my mouth. The guilt and frustration with how I have reacted just causes me more stress and it gets worse. I have known for a long time now that I do not react well to stressful situations or activities but life is full of them and I can't avoid it. Normally when I am myself I deal with things as the come up and then move on. Lately it is the opposite I just want to ignore the situation and hope it resolves itself. My job can be quite stressful at times with lot's of driving and unpredictable hours. I also have sleep apnea and even though I have been wearing my cpap, I still feel like I haven't slept when I get up in the morning. I quit smoking in last fall which has been a tough go sometimes and when things get bad the thought of smoking pops to the front of my mind. My heath in general seems to be getting worse and my motivation to do anything other than be alone and sleep is getting stronger. I am losing interest in my job, friends, hobby, family activities and worst of all my best friend my wife. Things between my wife and I have been getting progressively worse. I am having arguments about things that seem to be ridiculous after the fact and they are almost always progressing to the point of me saying something inappropriate or hurtful. I love my wife and don't want to lose her and destroy our family because I can't handle my stress. I tend to get angry with my wife anytime she asks me to do something sometimes even if she just asks me a question. I talked to my GP about how I have been feeling and she said I was depressed prescribed me anti-depressants ( I can't take them it just doesn't seem right ). I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor to try and help me get back on track but I am really having a hard time seeing how this could help me find myself again. I used to be funny, easy going, caring, loving and happy. Now I am bitter, stressed, forgetful, short tempered and sad. I don't want to be the old guy who yells at kids for stepping on my lawn. I want my wife to like me again. I want me to like me again. I want to like people in general again.

Just writing this has helped me feel a bit better than I did before I started. (My wife is a very smart cookie).

If anyone knows what I am doing or going through please feel free to let me know.

[twinkiedooter]

You didn't say how old you are but I'm guessing you're probably in your late 30's or early 40's.
Are you a truck driver?

You need to remember that life these days can be stressful. You need to snap out of this by actually being by yourself so you aren't shutting out the world so to speak but choosing to be alone over a weekend for instance. Can you somehow arrange to go fishing by yourself at a favorite lake? Or just go away by yourself for 2 days so you can think about YOU and what YOU want to do with your life.

Glad to hear you didn't start taking the meds. That only leads to more emotional trauma and does not solve anything. It's like putting a bandaid on a broken leg. Doesn't do much.

Listen to some of your favorite music when you are alone. This by itself should help raise your spirits. You are probably just going through a mid life crisis as most men do around your age. Relax. Your wife loves you and is probably aware that there is something wrong but she's not nagging you so you know she's still there for you.

Try one session with the counselor and see how that goes. If you don't like it, don't go back. You actually need someone to listen to you right now (not dispense happy pills). You may or may not "connect" with the counselor, but you never know. It could be worth one session to see if you need this or not. For some people it actually helps, for others it does nothing for them.

You could make a list of things you are happy about and things that you are unhappy about. I'll bet the happy list will be much longer in the end when you compare the two. Be honest with your list.

This could be a pivital time in your life for you to grow spiritual wise as well. If you are religious (even if you don't go to church) you could ask for divine intervention and divine help to have you see your problem. Prayer works wonders.

[trmpldonagn]

I can certainly identify with about 90% of what you're saying here. I wish I could be there to talk to you in person even though I am not an expert. I know the guilt you feel and how you beat yourself up after you process what happened. You almost feel a tiny bit embarrassed sometimes right? Try not to beat yourself up.

Therapy can do wonders and I'm going to practice what I'm preaching here. I went to therapy years ago. You really have to be patient with it but it helped me greatly. I know I could use it now. (If you saw my last post, you'd know why I'm going to reach out.) I'm replying because I truly know how you feel and you're not alone. Twinkie gave some excellent advice. I can't agree or disagree about the meds though. Some people do need something but at the same time what Twinkie is saying is we don't want to "mask" the problem either. Like taking a pain killer for your back and NOT going to a chiropractor or finding out the real source of the problem. Some people have clinical depression and may need even a mild anti-depressant/anti-anxiety. I can't take anything too strong.

You know how you say you felt better already just by writing what you wrote so far? Well keep writing. It's almost the same as talking. Just think that if the writing has helped you even a little, I have pretty high hopes that a therapist would do wonders for you. There are differences between psychiatrists, counselors, and therapists. Since I've been to all three, I'm going to go with Therapist as first choice. I don't know what your insurance or money situation is like but there are some that will work with you. Counselor is 2nd choice. Nothing against shrinks but I notice they can be pharmacologists if I may. I would tell you the usual about try exercising and get back to some hobbies but I may be wrong here... It just sounds like you may need to talk to someone and that is why I am strongly suggesting it. It doesn't mean you are crazy so don't be afraid of that.

I'll be more than happy to go on and on but again, you should see my last post. I just don't want to drain you. I will certainly check back here because this is yet another very interesting thread. Thanks for asking and I wish you well for now. Please don't give up hope. A weekend away does sound fantastic but I've had so many of them and it just didn't work for me yet. I don't know what may or may not work for you but I know there is definitely hope. I say talk to someone. And it's not that you're wife doesn't like you. She doesn't like the depression. I have a close family member that I feel that way towards. I love the person tremendously but I hate the disease. Of course not the person. Hang in there and you (and I) will see a lot of replies to this. I patiently await with you. It is very supportive.