[donna0603]

Hi, I am a mum to 3 kids but my problem is that I don't love my middle child she is 3. I hate myself for feeling this way about her and have never told anyone how I feel I have felt this way since she was only 1. it is not that she is a bad child she is very good most of the time like any other child of her age. I just don't understand why I have no love for her when I love her big sister and her wee brother.
If anyone one can help me in any way I would be very grateful thanks

[N0help4u]

You need to find a bond with her. I really would have no idea whyyou feel this way but you need to find things that you can love about her and find a way to have the love. As she grows she will sense this and if she feels there is no bond then she very well could have a problem throughout life forming bonds with others.
Here is a search engine that may have some helpful sites
when there is no bonding with baby - Google Search

[donna0603]

It is not that I don't play with her or hug her I do the same with her as I do with my other two it is just I don't know how to bond with her. When she was a baby I suffered from post natal deprestion and just left her dad to deal with her.

[luvyacyabye]

Wow I didn't no it was possible to not love your child... find something that you both enjoy doing... but don't exclude her from ANYTHING that could result in depression in the future god will guide you threw it... just keep praying!

[Jake2008]

I think there is a huge difference in loving your child, and bonding with your child. You love all your children equally. Any one of them could be in trouble, and your instinct would be the same to protect any of them.

Not bonding with a child also doesn't mean that you don't like them.

So what does it mean then. Well, this is only my opinion. I think bonding is one of those things that takes different paths for different babies. I cannot say that I 'bonded' with my babies. I had heard of bonding. Everybody I knew said they 'bonded' with their newborns, and seemed to have this unqualified blissful, deep, superhuman connection to their newborns.

I never did.

Not in the beginning. It was after the dust settled, and routines were established, and they began to develop their own personalities, and they were communicating with me and their environment that I began to understand that level of love. Call it love, call it bonding, call it what you will, but that 'connection' is not always instant, at least it wasn't for me.

It came with time, probably just like any other relationship when you really think about it.

Donna, she is only 36 months old. There will be some things that you will dislike about the personalities of the younger child, and the older child, and traits you will see that are different from all three.

You sound like a very good mother, and treat your children equally. None are lacking for anything, and they are loved, and secure.

Give yourself time, and allow a level of acceptance that you feel differently about this child now, but that it will probably change in time. I believe that you will regard each of your children differently as they grow into their own personalities, but in the end, you will love ALL of them.

[rachelcuryy08]

Oh baby baby baby my god bless you and keep you. Baby try just you and her going out spending time with each other. If its just taking a walk, I don't know if you are married but tell your husband to make time for you to spend time with your baby girl. A girl is very easy to bond with I don't have kids but I do have little sis. And bro. Just take the time and show your doughter that you love her and once she here you saying that she will respond back honey keep your head up and I will be praying for you .

[artlady]

I admire you for admitting to something that is difficult to admit.

These feelings that you do not feel happened when your daughter was one?

Did something happen during that time? You say you have felt like this since that time so I am assuming you felt love when she was a newborn.

I know that postpartum can have far reaching effects.Perhaps this is something that you could discuss with your gynecologist and she may be able to refer you to someone who specializes in this type of problem.

It is wonderful that you treat her equally and show affection but children are very astute and sense many things we would not give them credit for.I think it is vital for both your sakes to get some professional help.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and I hope you find the help that will bring you the richness of joy that loving your child gives.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep art lady, but that was an excellent observation about post-partum.

[donna0603]

When she was 1 my sister was killed in a bike accadent we where very close and she was my rock. I have now made an appointment with my gp to get some professional help for this. Thanks for all your comments xx

[Fr_Chuck]

I see the line "left her dad to dea with her" it was like there had to be a choice and you are using the child as a reason to leave the dad??

It just appears from what you are saying or perhaps not saying, that you are blaming the child in some ways for events that happene in your life the depression and so on.

I would suggest counseling with a one that could start with you alone and add the children latter.

This will effect the way you interact with the child and the there chidren will easily pick up on it and effect all the relatinships

[verbattered52]

Can I have her? I will love her!

[donna0603]

I would never give any of my kids away

[Jake2008]

The post postpartum is probably one of the major events here, that leaves you feeling this way.

While you went through that, most likely nobody got a lot of attention, but you had your husband to help you. Depression is a terrible place to be.

How did you deal with the post-postpartum, and did it happen with all three of your children, or just the middle one.

Does the possibility make sense to you, that it could be lingering results of the depression,that is partly responsible for the way you feel now?

[donna0603]

It does now that someone has said it I never got any help with the depression so this is probable the reason why I feel this why now.
I never had depression with any of my other two but when she came along my oldest was only just over a year old so it was more like having twins than two babies of different ages.

[artlady]

when she was 1 my sister was killed in a bike accadent we where very close and she was my rock. i have now made an appointment with my gp to get some professional help for this. thanks for all your comments xx

I am so sorry about your sister.

All Gods love to you and yours and you have such courage and love that this will turn out beautiful,I have every faith in this. Michele

[verbattered52]

My comment was not meant to be taken seriously. It was meant to wake you up! Apparently you do love her, or you would not care what happened to her. Open up your heart and let your love show. Maybe it's just a clash of personalities. Believe it or not, that can happen even with a Mom and a three year old.

[lisabscott]

You should really think about getting help or talking to a professional
That is not normal

[donna0603]

I am now getting help off my gp and health visitor

[ddanrach]

I know that it took a lot of courage and love to admit this. Some never do or they listern to others that say "sure you do" or comments that indicate, let's not deal with this unspeakable issue. I even believe that there is a bit of desperation. I would like to help. I don't know where you are located but I would like to be a friend to you, maybe a God Mom or a special long distance aunt to the child. This way, I can give support even if it is just through letters, card, e-mail discussion. Also I believe children pick up on the feelings of parents even through the hugs and kisses.

I would like to be supportive and help you through the "bonding" or whatever it is called. I don't know if you can leave e-mail addresses, but I want forget you are out there in your personal struggle. It does take a village to raise our little ones.

[donna0603]

ddanrach, in live in a very small town in scotland I woul love it if I could talk to you thought email my address is [email protected] thanks for the offer xxxx