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    missy16's Avatar
    missy16 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 11, 2009, 01:23 PM
    Is my marriage over
    Hello I am going through a rough time my husband of two years came out and told me xmas day he cheated on me .So I than told him I needed time alone to swallow that awful news he totally did not leave me alone in till I forgave three weeks later and told him to come back home but we would need counselling .The first night back he spend all counselling watching me till he got up and said he could no longer be with me . I was shocked and let him leave and from that day things has been worse Im the one running after him .I really love him he says he does not love anymore but I do not know what to believe . Wev'e been together in all 6 years and went through so much . This is the biggest thing that ever happened to us and I wonder is my marriage really over. He wants to be friends and told him believe is not possible he also tells me Im not the problem he ious and will never be able to never himself for all the pain he's caused me. He calls me everyday to ask if I need anything but that is not what I want to hear.And last week I went two weeks not speaking to him and he went crazy. What exactly does he want? Yesterday I made it clear to him if you really do not want me in your life we cannot have any contact so he said OK and gave me back the keys to the apt. Now I ask myself if I made things worse and if he will ever come back . Can somebody give me some advice I'm going crazy! Thanks!
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Feb 11, 2009, 01:27 PM

    No Contact, read the stickys in the relationship forum.

    Things will get easier and right now is the hardest but you can't beg for him to come back, he cheated, he walked out, he gave up. Sometimes when someone wants to leave us it turns the emotions around and we feel abandoned and guilty, like the "loser" in the relationship, making the dumpee desperate to get their partner back because the dumper has the control. Walk away, you deserve better, there is never an excuse for cheating. He has to want to fix the relationship and he is showing you that he doesn't.
    proudpole48's Avatar
    proudpole48 Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Feb 11, 2009, 01:32 PM

    I'd say that maybe it's time you stop worrying about what he wants and find out what you want.
    Not to sound cliché or steal someone else's line but you need to answer the big question, do you want to be with him? Do you want to forgive him?
    Do you know all the details, if you do forgive him and try to work it out is this going to be the last time?
    It's definitely not easy in any sense, I am going through a similar situation with my wife and I can't even look at her right now so I can kind of relate.

    I don't think you did anything wrong, it might just be that he is trying to push you away so he doesn't have to be any more of a bad guy.

    I learned the hardway, don't blame yourself for this. He'll realize that he screwed up a good thing.

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