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britneygirl · Feb 10, 2009, 07:14 PM

Hello I am new to this site!

I will try to make this a s short as possible!
I am 23 years old and my on/off boyfriend is 20. We have been on and off for the past 15 months. At the start of the relationship me and (ill call him ben) were inseparable , our relationship was almost perfect! We saw each other practically everyday and we even went on holiday together and had a perfect time. Then after 7 months things started to go wrong, we started to argue about silly things until eventually it got worse. I became controlling and I wouldn't let him see certain girl mates etc and I also made him feel guilty about going on nights out with his friends. Suddenly he finished with me out of the blue and I was heart broken, but he said that he couldn't handle my jealousy and controlling ways anymore. I realised I had been in the wrong and he eventually forgave me. So we got back together and I changed for him and gave him all the space and freedom he wanted, but it felt like I was walking on egg shells and eventually we split again then got back together then split again! And its been on and off like this now since June last year!

Then in October we split up for 3 months and in that time I had no contact with him and even though I didn't want to , I tried to move on. But he kept on sending me messages saying how much he loves me and missed me and he was sorry. So in January I agreed to meet for a drink and all our old feelings came back and we decided we would give it another go! I was willing to try again and I have been really fair on him and I'm giving him his space etc but I just feel he is not that bothered about us anymore as he spends most of his time with his mates and when he does arrange something with me he is always compromising that time with a friend or family commitment. He also lies about receiving my text messages and if we have a small row he will ignore me for days on end.

We had a row last week and in the time we didn't speak I found out that he had gone out with a girl for 3 weeks when we split up and he left her because he wasn't over me and he said she was a rebound and nothing sexual happened! He promised me that nothing had happened with this girl back in January, and said the only reason he tried to keep it from me was because he knew I would hit the roof (which I would have done):(

I really don't know what to do anymore? I want nothing more than for us to work but I feel he is not that bothered! Even his family don't like me because of the amount of times we have split up. We are supposed to be going for a drink on Thursday to talk but I don't know if its even worth it as I don't know if I can trust him anymore? :eek:

Thanks for reading and your answers are very much appreciated :)

tabslongs89 · Feb 10, 2009, 08:16 PM

Have you ever thought about having a discussion, or actually had a discussion with him about your trust problems and why they are present? Maybe if he knows, if he doesn't already, how you're feeling he'll show some concern? But the whole ignoring you thing is quite bothersome. I was in a relationship once where the guy would do that and he said... later on... that during those times where he would ignore me after a fight or upset he would be debating whether he'd want to be with me. I don't know if that's what your guy is doing, but just thought I'd share my experience with that situation.

britneygirl · Feb 11, 2009, 04:59 PM

Yes we have had many discussions about what has been happening and he insists he loves me and wants to be with me. He says it makes him feel awful when he knows how upset he has made me, then everything will be fine until I feel neglected again or we have a silly row and he will ignore me all over again. But he always comes back and says I'm all he wants!

:(

tabslongs89 · Feb 11, 2009, 10:17 PM

Then why does he ignore you every time? You can't have a mature relationship with someone who insists on doing that.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 06:33 AM

Its bad when you both have bad coping skills, and poor communications. I think you both need some real time away from each other.

britneygirl · Feb 12, 2009, 08:29 AM

Yes, I understand exactly what your saying and this is why I'm so confused because I do love him and want it to work. So when he does come back apologetic I give in.

As for having more time apart, that's all we have really done over the past 5 months. I just feel I am going to have to go one way or another.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 03:50 PM

I meant split for good, as you don't really sound as if you work together well at all.

britneygirl · Feb 12, 2009, 06:08 PM

Well funny you say that! We have split up just 3 hours ago! All because his family don't approve! We were fine, we did work well together but unfortunately other people e.g. his family got in the way! He says this isn't what he wants but it has to be this way! I've heard it all before but he gets back in touch every time cause I know he does love me!

But anyway thanks for the advice etc :)

megamantheman1 · Feb 12, 2009, 06:15 PM

Being objective... so you are telling me that you cannot get along with this guy for more than a few months at a time and that he doesn't give you the attention you want... he also cannot tell you about a girl he was going out with during your break up and only seems to want you most when you are away... been there done that. You are his back up. Ditch him if you can and just ignore him from now on. There are still decent guys out there that will make you feel like a princess and not take you for granted.

britneygirl · Feb 12, 2009, 06:25 PM

Yeah your right! I see it clearer when I'm out of it but as soon as he comes back I give in to him but as I said before we broke up tonight and at the minute I've been crying for the past 3 hrs and I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stamped on but I know I have to move on now cause its driving me insane.

britneygirl · Feb 15, 2009, 01:20 PM

Well its been 3 days now since ben told me he couldn't be with me cause of his family, I was absolutley devastated but I have started to get used to the idea once again and I've even booked to go to New York this week to get away from it all with my friends. Now he knows this he has been sending my sister messages telling her how much he loves me and he can't function properly without me! And he now doesn't care what his family thinks! :confused::confused:why is he acting like this and trying to confuse me! Its not fair! Its stressing me out and I'm getting panic attacks! :eek::eek: