[watters]

I am a divorced 42 year old woman with 3 children living in a house that my mother owns - my mother does not live with me. I moved into the house after my father asked me to move back home. I was living out of state during my marriage for 10 years. My father has since passed away.

I work and make enough money to support myself and my children. The children receive minimum child support. In truth, I do not have the financial ability to rent a home.

I am trying to do what is best for my life as well as everyone else. I met a man whom I have been dating for two years. He is wonderful with my children. He has yet to meet my mother. She is from the old school mentality in that since I am now divorced, I do not need to ever be with another man. She has refused to meet him and in fact as told me that if I have him at the house and she sees him there, she will throw him out.

My mother has even once told me that if it wasn't for my father, she wouldn't have wanted me to move back. I told her that I would pay rent and knowing my financial status, she named a very high amount.

I have never put pressure on her about the situation. My boyfriend and I are not yet ready to move in together in our own place. Sadly to say, at my age, I'm just trying to figure out how to make her realize that I cannot be who she wants.

[frangipanis]

I'm sorry you're in such a tough position.

Is it that your mother won't meet your boyfriend that you're most upset about, or that she's holding back your life should you want your boyfriend to move in with you in your mother's home? Or just the fact she's limiting your choices because she's unhappy you divorced. I know it's a mix of those things, but what is it that mostly bothers you? What do you most want at the moment?

I'm wondering about your mother's perspective and her underlying concerns should a boyfriend move in with you. Is it possible she might be concerned a boyfriend could take the house from you or cause problems for you and your children? Do you have any brother's or sisters she's feeling aren't getting the same financial benefits as you? Those sorts of concerns might be behind her reluctance to accept you having a boyfriend after your divorce.

If you can reassure her about most of those things, her attitude might start to soften. If not, then she really has limited your choices and all you can do is accept that fact until you're in a position to stand on your own feet financially and live more independently.