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hangingbythread · Feb 8, 2009, 03:51 PM

Hello-- I've tried researching through this website to find out how to solve my relationship. Everyone's situation seems to be different. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years this summer. We've always had some bumps on the road to deal with together but I'm just wondering if this is something we can work on or if we just need to move forward and on with our lives. For once we are on the same page mentally about where we want to be and go together. However, our sex life has died in the process. We have sex about 1-2 times a month... if that. I guess I'm always questioning him about it since I feel insecure that he doesn't want me. He says he does.. but his actions prove otherwise. My lease is up in a month and a half and the plan was to move into a place together. We keep talking about it and we looked at apts once but he keeps putting it off and I'm losing time myself since I have to move in a month and a half. He finally told me today that he thinks we need to spice things up. But he also said he's been fine with the way things have been going. Basically he's been fine with having sex only 1-2 a month. He used to get mad if we did it less than twice a week. I feel like I make the effort when he sometimes comes over on the weekends and doesn't even shower the whole time he's here. When we go out he doesn't care to look nice for me.. or us for that matter. He's bored and I just don't know how to get him to want me again like he used to. He says he wants to be with me and work at this but his actions prove he doesn't really seem to care. Is there really something I can do to spice things up sexually to make him want me and work on us?

abodh · Feb 9, 2009, 11:04 AM

Obviously, it appears that he is using you when he needs sex and does not care other time. Get in talk seriously otherwise, don't waste your time.

Synnen · Feb 9, 2009, 11:29 AM

I would NOT move in with him. Period.

Get your own new place, or stay where you are, but do NOT move in with him.

The fact that he's dragging his feet on it, and that your sex life has died off is telling me that he's not as into the relationship as you are--and I'd probably dump him for that, really.

If he wants to make an effort to save your relationship, then let him try to impress you. Otherwise you're going to be in the Same situation in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, whatever---only you'll be older, with more resentment towards him.

Choux · Feb 9, 2009, 11:53 AM

Three and a half years is a long time to date a guy and not be married. Time to move on to greener pastures... you know you can do BETTER than this, girl.

Have a few sessions with a therapist upon breaking up for support and find out why you are settling for less than you deserve. :)

Life is Short-take a path to happiness, not misery.

Best wishes,

smoothy · Feb 9, 2009, 12:27 PM

I see a lot of issues here between you two... as in incompatibilities... Why do you even want to consider moving in with him. All relationships have a few bumps along the way... but if the rest of the time isn't smooth open highways then something is wrong at a basic level.

If you were meant to be together you wouldn't be fighting (a figurative term) all the time.

chrissymarie · Feb 9, 2009, 12:40 PM

I've noticed that sometimes peoles relationships grow stronger with time and some fizzle down and just become "routine". This maybe what's happening here. If your boyfriend is not receptive to your efforts that usually means he's given up and doesn't really care. The relationship seems like its just become comfortable and easy to him. You may just be a conveinince to him. Have you ever considered that?

If that sounds right to you then it's time to move on and find some hot sizzling love.

Good luck!