[phoenix1971]

Here is the scenario - which as I write I already know what advice I will likely receive but its more trying to make sense of it that I need help with.

My partner and I had our first child 6 months ago (both in our late 30'w). When I was 5 months pregnant he announces that he doesn't feel in love with me anymore but that we should work on it for the baby's sake. As a pregnant lady your world suddenly spins when you hear something like that. I stayed because I figured he was worried about being a dad for the first time.

As it turned out, he was fantastic during the pregnancy. Really loving toward me. So I tried to forget all about what he said and get on with our lives. When the baby was born he was wonderful, apologised for being confused and confessed his love for both of us. He was a doting dad.

Our finances were a bit tight so I had to go back to work 8 weeks later and was working 10 hour days with 3 hours of driving time tacked on. When I got home I would then have to collect bubs from child care, take her home, feed her, bath her get her to bed by which time it was about 8.30pm and then I would cook tea for my partner.
Over this time he slowly started to retreat again and Im not sure what it was but I began to start to feel uneasy. He seemed really secretive with his mobile phone and his comings and goings. Anyway - one day I checked it and there was a message from a prostitute of all things - confirming his appointment. I hit the roof.

At first he tried to make out like it was a joke from a friend, so I dialled the number. He then said he was only going for erotic massages where the lady would perform acts on him but he didn't sleep with her.

We had had a gorgeous first Christmas with our daughter but this message was dated only a few days before.

This is where the confusion comes into it. I acknowledged that there hadn't been a lot of sex with the new baby and my long working hours so I consulted a friend about what I should do. My friend happens to be his sister and we had talked about things like this before only on her side (we were friends before my partner and I were together). She flipped out and rang him.
That night he came home furious at me. Told me that I had betrayed him (can you believe that) and that he nolonger loves me. He told me I didn't have to go but that he didn't love me in a sexual way anymore.

I couldn't believe it. He even told his sister that I was lying and that I was always accusing him of cheating when he wasn't (a lie). Now she isn't speaking to me either.

I packed my bags and left the next day.

How can someone just turn their feelings on and off like that? And how can someone who you were really close to one day, sacrifice your reputation by indicating you are a liar to saved their own reputation?

Im struggling with the whole concept. To think that I would have worked through the prostitute drama - only for him to end it because I told someone.

Unbelievable.

Deep down though, I hope he will realise what an idiot he has been and will come back with tail between legs and remorseful. Im not holding my breath though.

[neverme]

If he does come back with his tail between his legs, KICK HIM BETWEEN HIS LEGS!

This is horrible but you know what? You don't need this excuse of a man!. and neither does your baby.

Onwards and upwards from here, can't be hard when your obviously starting at the bottom with this one!

[talaniman]

I don't think either of you handled things very well. The sad part is egos and hurt feelings will keep you both from working anything out. That's very sad for your child, and your future together.

Make some attitude adjustments, so you can talk, AFTER the emotional dust settles. That applies to both you youngsters.

[artlady]

Love does not turn on and off like a light switch ,perhaps he was feeling this way for some time prior to telling you.Sometimes ,prior to a breakup we are often emotionally separated for a long time beforehand and just don't face it because its too painful.

The things he did to you show a selfish and immature mentality.There is no justification.

This man will be in your life for many years to come so at some point ,as Talaniman says *after the emotional dust settles*perhaps you can have some closure and be good loving parents who share one thing,the assured health and happiness of your child.

You did the right thing by leaving and your only concern now should be you and your child.Hang in there ,it does get easier.