[DarkSkinGirl]

Today, I am not doing so good.

I recently got a student refund check, it wasn't as much as I thought it would be--I was expecting at least 1,000 but only got a shocking $300. I did not tell my mother or father about this money.

One being, just before I got the check I got hit with a speeding ticket which will deduct a little over $100--and if I tell my mother about it, I will regret it. Anything I do, she harasses me, scolds me and berates me for it. I rarely get tickets, last time I got one was over 2 years ago. If I told her I got $300 she's going to direct me and tell me what I should do with it, and she'll figure out that $100 went to something, and she'll harass me about what happened to the $100 which will lead to her knowing about the speeding ticket

Another reason I didn't tell them is because I need this little bit of money and whenever I get paid or a check, my mother tries to keep tabs on what I am doing with it. She will constantly harass me about what I am doing with my money and control how much I should spend. I know she goes through my c loset and my dressers to see if I have any money. When I am saving money she secretly knows how much I have put aside. If I end up with too much money aside then she starts to advise me to buy something for the house that requires a monthly pay meant which makes it hard for me to ever get out of the rut I am in

My mother told me about bridge cards and told me to get one. I did. I get only $175 a month. The day I received it she said that she gets $75 of it

This morning, my mother asked if my father could use the bridge card to go to the market. As I was going in my purse a $5 bill came out, and a few dollars. She of course noticed it and askeed me where did the money came from. I made something up and it didn't convince her

She got so angry with me, that she snatched my purse. I snatched it back and the zipper on the purse cut her hand. She went into a rage and started beating me with a brush, and throwing things at me and trying to stomp me on the ground with her foot. Calling me a b1tch and a hoe. Saying that I am trying to be slick by hiding money from her

She started going through my closet and throwing everything on my bed saying I can sl eep in my car for all she cares. She was so angry with me. She accused me of scratching her arms with my nails on purpose when that is not what happened at all

Also, she was upset that I did not want to continue to give her a portion of my brdige card with her. That also made her very angry. I advised that she writes down a list and I buy everything the household needs, but she refused to do that. She got very posessive over the money that's on the card like it's hers. It is my money.

Last time sharing the bridge card with her we s pent all the money before the month ended. And I had nothing left over for days when I want to go to the market and buy me a few things. The food we bought did not last in the household for very long. I have very little money and th e job I have right now doesn't pay a lot. I need everything I can get

I am so close to leaving. I am moving out of state for nursing school in the next few months and it's like the worse she gets. The way things are looking I won't be able to finish my classes so I can get accepted

If I am doing something wrong please let me know. But it seems l ike

[Gernald]

You are doing nothing wrong... on the contrary it seems as though you are the only sane person in your house!
You have a job, you pay for almost everything yourself... even things that aren't your responsibility.
Just wondering how old you are? If your 18 you could open your own bank account with only your name one it and then put all your spare change in there. This way your mom won't "accidentally" discover it and won't be able to use the card or checks even if she does find them. I think you have every right to fight for the money that you have, you earned it, it's yours no one else's. Don't give in to the bullying and give up what you worked for. How are you going to pay for school if your parents take all of your money?
I know it's hard to stand up to parents, but you'll probably feel better once you do.

The question here is not how you can be a better daughter, but how they can be better parents.

[Jlesnik33]

What's a bridge card

[Jake2008]

I think a bridge card is like a debit card issued by the state, in order to get benefits like groceries.

I could be wrong though, as I can't see how there would be two bridge cards issued to one set of parents, supporting children.

[DarkSkinGirl]

Yes a bridge card is for low income individuals. It's like food stamps on a card and you use it to buy food. I got it because my job doesn't pay that much but my mother who works a full time job and does not qualify for government assistances takes $50 of it (I only get 175 a month) and asks for it whenever she needs it. When I say I want to save the money so I can have something for the month she says "one person does not need 175 worth of food, you cannot have all that money to yourself"

[Jake2008]

The way I see it, there is nothing you can do about the past, so let's concentrate on the next few months. If you can get through that, you will be out of the house, and on your own.

This is what I advise, and it is only my opinion- no guarantees, but here goes.

1. If you can get by until you are out by just giving in with the card, let her have what she wants.

2. Consider a women's shelter. I fear that the violence may get worse, as the time moves closer to your departure.

3. GET THROUGH THE REMAINING COURSES!! It is your only way out.

4. Do you have a friend or relative that you can stay with for the next few months.

5. You can of course, call the police if she beats you again, or threatens to beat you.

Try to picture your life in just two short months. You will be working on your future, and you will have your freedom. What a great combination that is. When you do get to where you are going to school, please seek out additional resources, emergency funding, etc. to help you make up for the money you were unable to save.

Keep your chin up, and don't look back.

Your parents, with your mother working full time, are adults, and they will be able to take care of themselves, and they will survive just fine. Don't expect anything less than they do not need their daughter to suppliment their income, and when that door closes when you leave, so too does your money stop going to them.

Think of your life being on a path that YOU are choosing. As you grow stronger and see your goals being reached, you will realize that whatever relationship you decide to have with your parents, will be on YOUR terms.

I hope this helps, you are NOT a bad daughter, or person, and you must remain strong and focused. This is not the time to dim the light on your dreams because it is rough right now. It will get better.

[zoey5]

I know what that feels like. My dad and I have had a bad relationship since I was ten. I would pray and say god help me to be a better daughter. He loves people that don't know him. He will help you through all of this.