[Mrs2b]

Our wedding reception is now going to be held outdoors. Wedding dinner and a reception.
Prior to this is was going to be held indoors and it was cheaper.
We had prepared the seating plan and who sits and near who.

When we planned this we chose that our parents won't sit on our table as his parents are separated and not to cause hassle we decided on this.

Now this new outdoor venue is more expensive and my mum offered to help us dearly with this.

Due to this I want my mum to sit on the main table with me and my partner. As well as a thank you for helping. I would feel very rude if she didn't sit with us.
And we can put his mum on the table near us and his dad on the other table near us.

My partner wasn't to keen to this... and said its not fair on his parents.

Is he being unreasonable? All I'm asking is for him to appreciate the fact that is my mum is helping and for that I want her to sit on the table with us.

He is in the wrong? Or am I?

[Jake2008]

Please don't put his parents in a different place than your mom.

Surely his parents, although separated, won't cause a fuss at their son's wedding, and are perfectly okay to sit at the head table with the other parent, your mom.

I think he is correct. All of them, or none of them is really the only polite thing to do in my opinion.

It doesn't have anything to do with who paid for what. You can thank her in other ways.

Just my opinion here of course, and remembering my own wedding. It would have felt really odd to have one set of parents, and not the other at the head table.

[Mrs2b]

Well I suggested his parents sit on the same main table as me him and my mum, but he doesn't want that, as his dad may feel incomfortable on same table as his mum..
So should my mum suffer this??

[Jake2008]

That puts you between a rock and a hard place.

What would happen if you just let all the parents know the seating plan ahead of time, and let them get used to the idea.

They may surprise you, but if your intended's parents do not want to sit together, then by all means if that is the choice they've made, then I'd have my mother up there with me.

[Mrs2b]

Thank you...
But how do I politely tell my partner about this?

As from his reasoning seems like he is not appreciative of what my mum is doing.. all he can say is she offered!

Which is fairly rude...

My mum means the world to me... she doesn't have to pay for it and she only offered as my dad passed away 4 yrs ago and she knows I don't have a father to pay for my wedding.. so she offered.

[Jake2008]

Guys can sometimes be a little, ummm... let's say wedding challenged, when it comes to the finer details. ;)

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your soon to be mother-in-law, but can you just sit down over coffee and ask her straight up? Or maybe write to each of your fiance's parents and ask them what they prefer for seating arrangements. Both of you should sign it.

I think your fiancé is going to have to get on board with this decision. I think you're doing the right thing, and heading in the right direction to give the in-laws some say in the seating, and that you are also preventing a possible disaster if you and your fiancé decide to separate them, and that was not what they were expecting, or wanting it to be.

Because these are your fiancés parents, ideally it would be best for him to get answers from them, and not just take a stab at a good guess and go from there. Whatever he decides will reflect on you, and if he's wrong, that's not a good way to start with the in-laws.

I don't think he can sit this one out. He needs to resolve this, if only because it it important to you not to have any surprises at the reception.

[Mrs2b]

We did speak about it and he says - his dad would say OK about sitting on same table as his ex-wife (my partners mum) but only because he can't really say no.. And my partner knows that if they sit on same table his mum will be loud and flamboyant and embaress my partners dad...

:(

[Jake2008]

Ohhhh, OK. That puts a different spin on it. That is what your fiancé is worried about then. Even if they agree and sit at the head table, spaghetti is likely to hit the fan.

I really don't know what to say. Just trying to think if it were me, what would I do.

But, it's really not fair that your mom isn't up there, just because it's likely the mother in law will get a little nasty.

Then again, will a different table make a huge difference?

[Mrs2b]

For my mum yes...
You think I should ask her?

[Jake2008]

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by asking her.

If I were her, I would appreciate it.

[Mrs2b]

I will do thanks a lot for your help and advice

[Jake2008]

My pleasure, I hope it works out for you. :)

[JudyKayTee]

In this case a little bit of background provides a LOT of information:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/weddin...?=#post1529202