Check out some similar questions!

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 2, 2006, 03:25 PM

I have a long timed friend that had contacted the disease either through his fast acting, life of the party, and being just plain pretty and too many people wanted him in all the ways loose. I noticed women given him an eye because he could cook and draw and carries a nice package.
Lately, I have notice this friend being more kinder to his family and less patient with his friend or life partner... it may be the knowing the need is near... tell me how your friends or family members with this horrible disease are handling life with this horrible disease my heart hurts... and lately I cannot sleep when his face comes up in my dreams... tell how you feel...

orange · Aug 2, 2006, 05:26 PM

I know dozens of people who are HIV+... many clients, one co-worker, and a few friends, all of whom I met during my 3 years working for the HIV/AIDS organization in my city. As far as grieving or dealing with it, it has been different with everyone. A client would die about every 1-2 months, and we as staff had regular grief workshops in order to cope. My former co-worker was already positive when I met him, so there was not much to deal with there, and he is still doing very well. With friends it's been a little more difficult, but only one of my friends has died, and that was after 14 years, mostly illness-free, with the disease.

Was your friend just recently diagnosed? Does he know approximately how long ago he contracted the disease? I ask because although it is a scary disease, HIV is not the death sentence that it was 20 years ago. Most people, with proper treatment and nutrition, will not have any symptoms for at least 5-6 years after infection, and many are now living 15 and even 20 years after diagnosis. One of my friends contracted HIV in 1989, and while he slowing down now, he's had many fulfilling years; he worked full time until 2005 and has been an important AIDS activist in our province. Many of our clients died prematurely, but the majority of these had other issues which kept them from leading safe, healthy lives... they were transients, inmates, gang members, sex trade workers and/or IV drug users. And many of them were also Hep C positive, which complicated matters.

If your friend is recently diagnosed, he has a good chance at leading a fulfilling life for many years to come. Most newly diagnosed people go through a grieving process that lasts between 1-2 years, but if they have proper support, they learn to accept the situation and get on with their lives. As I mentioned, many have jobs, families, continue their education, get involved in activism, etc. Your friend needs to know that his life is not over. If he hasn't done so already, he may want to go to an AIDS organization and speak to a counselor there. The agency in my city has support groups, counselors, referrals, and help for families and friends as well. If you are hurting, you may want to check out one of these agencies yourself.

Take care, it will get better!

valinors_sorrow · Aug 2, 2006, 05:42 PM

My best and oldest friend (and the first boy I ever kissed) died of aids before anyone knew what is was -- he was gay and lived in the Bay area, ground zero for it. I was devastated as were all his good friends and family. The band played on for quite a while, if you know what I mean. Since then I have lost one more friend, a former drug user who got clean and several acquaintances but I know two others who are survivng, thriving actually (one is a woman who just had a baby!) and so that has helped change my perspective on it. Like Chava says, it is not always the death sentence. Aids is not the only source of loss I have been around either -- there is a long list. But so are the many blessings I've experienced. Life is both beautiful and challenging-- all we can do is support each other honestly and lovingly along the journey.

orange · Aug 2, 2006, 05:44 PM

SO SORRY Luna my mistake... I just read your post in the infamous "Gay People" thread where you say that your friend has had the disease for over 10 years... I assume it is the same friend. But if you don't mind, I decided to leave my first post up as it might help someone else who is recently diagnosed with HIV. There aren't a lot of posts on the subject of HIV/AIDS on this forum, so I thank you for sharing.

Since your friend has had the disease for a while, I'll share a little more about my friend who was HIV+ for 14 years. He just died earlier this year, actually. He was a great friend, actually a former foster sibling of mine. He contracted both HIV and Hep C from sharing needles with some cousins and friends when he was 13 years old. Up until about 18 months ago he was very active socially, in sports, activism, etc. Then around 18 months ago he contracted a severe bacterial infection that his body just couldn't fight. Eventually the infection spread to several organs and his brain. In his last months he was very difficult to deal with, as he developed a form of HIV-related dementia. He had to be watched as he would wander, he had terrible mood swings, he'd forget who people were and who he was... eventually he couldn't walk anymore, and at the end he slipped into a coma for 6 weeks. It was a horrible thing to have to watch, especially since he was only 26 years old! It's difficult to watch anyone die. But I try to remember all the good times I had with him. Like I said he was a great friend.

I don't really have anything profound to say here, just that you should make sure to take care of yourself through all of this as well. Take care.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 2, 2006, 05:50 PM

I am so sorry Chava.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 2, 2006, 06:30 PM

I believe everyone no matter what the illness deals with an oncomming death differently. Many continue to live life to its fullness and celebrate each day of life they still have. And that is how they want their friends to remember them and to celebrate their life.

Others turn spiritual to various faiths to find a peace or to try to find an understanding of why

Others reject it, deny it and get angry at any reminder that it is happening.

To others it can be anger as to why them and wish to withdraw from life

And of coure many it will be a combination of all of the above.

I have known many though the years with AIDs and I am usre more that are HIV that I never knew. And in general I will say that most faced life bravely and with spirit of love most of the time,

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 2, 2006, 08:46 PM

I took a bus ride the other day thinking about everyone. I heard my friend with HIV gave his son his truck just because... his baby asked him to use the vehicle. I thought it was strange and found it sad at the same time... not understnding the reason why I felt that action he gave his was so sad...