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sweetgal21 · Jan 13, 2009, 06:53 AM

I have a 3year old daughter soon to be 4, I left her father as he use to smoke drugs around her and abuse me if I didn't give him money for drugs. This went on for while. Her father use to hit her if she went to him when he was getting his drugs ready to smoke. I had told him to leave us alone on several occasions but he would go for a hour or so and come back. He was always paranoid and he was a control freak there was no way out for me and my daughter. At that time my daughter was 1years old and I was 18 and had no family support but after a while I got help and left him but since then he has been harassing me. Now he is taking me to court for access to see his daughter. Is there anyone who has had a similar stuation? I just want to know if he will get access to see her? I fear for my daughter, he is not a good father.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 13, 2009, 07:02 AM

I have been through this , but with an alcoholic. Your statement about him throwing a fit if you didn't give him drug money is all to familiar to me , but mine wanted beer money.At the time of my divorce, I asked for supervised visits, which I eventually had to drop because it was becoming clear that I was wasting time and money for something that was never going to happen. It is quite possible that he really wants to have a relationship with the child , however he could just be trying to get to you... you said he is still harassing you... I have been there , done that, and my ex used the kids any way he could , to try and hurt me. My situation was sort of similar, my ex is NOT a good father, he puts the kids in a bad dysfunctional environment around parties and alcohol, criminals, you name it . But it wasn't enough to stop his visitation. I suggest you fight his request... at the least , you could ask the judge to suggest rehab or something in order to grant visitation. I would ask for supervised visits until he has completed rehab. You may get lucky.

JudyKayTee · Jan 13, 2009, 08:44 AM

The legal advice is that you prove your allegations to the Court that the father is a danger to the child (using Police Reports, reports to CPS, affidavits of witnesses, your testimony) and ask for supervised visitation.

If he is harassing you, file with the Police and get a protective order. It will also help you with the visitation issue.

sweetgal21 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Jacobsmommy123

I have been through this , but with an alcoholic. Your statement about him throwing a fit if you didnt give him drug money is all to familiar to me , but mine wanted beer money.At the time of my divorce, I asked for supervised visits, which I eventually had to drop because it was becoming clear that I was wasting time and money for something that was never going to happen. It is quite possible that he really wants to have a relationship with the child , however he could just be trying to get to you ... you said he is still harassing you... I have been there , done that, and my ex used the kids any way he could , to try and hurt me. My situation was sort of similar, my ex is NOT a good father, he puts the kids in a bad dysfunctional enviornment around parties and alcohol, criminals, you name it . But it wasnt enough to stop his visitation. I suggest you fight his request.... at the least , you could ask the judge to suggest rehab or something in order to grant visitation. I would ask for supervised visits until he has completed rehab. You may get lucky.

Thanks for your reply. I know he does not care about his daughter, when I was with him he never ever worked for us he did not do anything for us. He clearly said to me" i'll never let you live and will haunt you all your life" which he has been doing since I left him. I fear from him because of the violence and my daughter will not go to him without me..

sweetgal21 · Jan 13, 2009, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The legal advice is that you prove your allegations to the Court that the father is a danger to the child (using Police Reports, reports to CPS, affidavits of witnesses, your testimony) and ask for supervised visitation.

If he is harassing you, file with the Police and get a protective order. It will also help you with the visitation issue.

Thank you for your reply. I have reported so many incidents to the police. The police have arrested him and let him go again. I spoke to the police again because he was following me and taking my photos without me knowing, I would change my number and he'd still get it from orange customer services. Everything he has done has been reported but when it comes to harassment the police said they can not do anything until he touches you or hurts you in any way. I was thinking for a mother with 2 kids they should do something. Now he is trying to use my daughter to hurt me.

ScottGem · Jan 13, 2009, 12:15 PM

I would research stalking laws in your area. These are failry new and may be able to help. Also contact a battered women support group, they may have advice and assistance for you.

But when it comes to visitation, the only thing you can do is document the abuse and ask for supervised visitation.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 13, 2009, 01:20 PM

And in child custody court, get your lawyer to demand drug tests.

He is still likely to get supervised visits.
It is hard to stop him completely.

sweetgal21 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And in child custody court, get your lawyer to demand drug tests.

He is still likely to get supervised visits.
It is hard to stop him completely.

Thank you for all your replies and advice. I gave him 2 chances to see his daughter and the 1st time he did not have anywhere to take her, he took her to his aunts house and she told them to leave so he took her to a park where there was a cricket match going on and it was raining. His mother constantly swore at my daughter and did not believe she was his daughter. The 2nd time I told him he can come to the house and see her but he asked me for money for drugs since then I have not let him see her and neither has he asked about her wellbeing. He would just call and send me text messages swearing and threatening.