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    jessicajp29's Avatar
    jessicajp29 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 12, 2009, 10:43 AM
    Pregnant and father left me
    Question: I am 4 months pregnant. The father was around for the first 2 months, he now wants nothing to do with me or the child. Won't speak to me, doesn't want to be in any part of the pregnancy or when the child is born. He claims that it is my fault since I did not have an abortion like he wanted. He wants a paternity test and to Waive his rights as the father. I don't want to be with him but I do want him to have part in his child's life. He threatens all the time for not being a part of the child's life. He is going to be a police officer, and I however have a non-violent/drug related felony. How easy is it for him to Waive his rights voluntarily? Even though I DO NOT want him to Waive rights? Please help! Very distraught!
    southerngalps's Avatar
    southerngalps Posts: 1,334, Reputation: 112
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    #2

    Jan 12, 2009, 10:45 AM

    He can choose that he doesn't want to see the child.

    But he cannot not waive his financial responsibility to provide food, clothing, etc for the child.

    He will have to take care of the child in that sense.
    jessicajp29's Avatar
    jessicajp29 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 12, 2009, 10:58 AM

    Even if I want the father to see his child, he can choose to never see the child?
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #4

    Jan 12, 2009, 10:59 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jessicajp29 View Post
    even if i want the father to see his child, he can choose to never see the child?
    Yes. You cannot make him be a father. You can simply make him pay child support.
    jessicajp29's Avatar
    jessicajp29 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jan 12, 2009, 11:03 AM

    Soo because I am the mother I have the child full time and because he is the father he can refute all custody? Even if I want it to be half and half?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #6

    Jan 12, 2009, 11:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jessicajp29 View Post
    Soo because I am the mother I have the child full time and because he is the father he can refute all custody? even if I want it to be half and half?

    Yes, you've got it right. You cannot force someone to be a "Dad." You cannot get an Order forcing him to take part (in any way other than financial) in the child's life.

    Even if you could - would you trust your child with a person who doesn't want to be any part of that child's life?

    So, yes, you're the full-time mother and he's the non-participating father.

    That's the legal advice - the person advice is if you cannot care for or support this child by yourself is adoption an option? The child deserves more than a non-participating father and a stressed out mother.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #7

    Jan 12, 2009, 11:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jessicajp29 View Post
    Soo because I am the mother I have the child full time and because he is the father he can refute all custody? even if I want it to be half and half?
    Yup. Welcome to the other side of sex.
    southerngalps's Avatar
    southerngalps Posts: 1,334, Reputation: 112
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    #8

    Jan 12, 2009, 01:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jessicajp29 View Post
    Soo because I am the mother I have the child full time and because he is the father he can refute all custody? even if I want it to be half and half?
    Well, if you want to look at it that way... you can give up custody and give the baby up for adoption, therefore giving up your rights... depending if you ask the adopting parents for visitation.

    It is a sad thing when a person cannot see a child as a gift.

    If you can make it as a single parent with the help of this guy's financial support, you can hope he will come around and want to be a part of the baby's life.

    Maybe when he starts paying child support he will see it as why am I paying for a child I don't see?

    He could very well come around.
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