[alexis77]

Yesterday, my best friend confessed to me that she is 6 1/2 months pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. The fact that she waited so long to tell me illustrates how uneasy she is about her situation. She is a very intelligent woman with a phd in education. She is a 33 year old Assistant Professor at a local university and is looking to start a non-profit educational program. When she found out that she was pregnant, her and the boyfriend discussed their options and decided to have the baby. They discussed marriage and he told her that they should wait until after the baby is born to get married. He then took her shopping for an engagement ring. That was 4 months ago and he refuses to set a date, look for a venue or make arrangements to move out of his bachelor pad. He did help her look for a 2 bedroom apartment for her to live with the baby and has offered to pay 50% of the rent. He's an attorney and makes good money. My friend has started to notice changes in her boyfriend's behavior like him hanging out more (without her) and being disrespectful. He tells her that he ultra excited about the baby, has been to all of her doctor's appointment and put together all of the baby's furniture. She wants to get married before the baby is born, but he insists that they wait until after the baby is born. Both his and her parents have insisted that they get married now, but he will not agree. I feel that if he was serious about getting married, he would do so before the baby is born. I can't understand how someone so intelligent could allow this to happen. She is miserable. Her skin is breaking out, she's depressed about her weight gain and has turned into a needy & insecure girlfriend. She admits prior to getting pregnant that they were having problems and comtemplated breaking up. I saw her boyfriend at a bar talking to a girl and as soon as he saw me, he split. I guess I was messing up his game. I did not tell my friend about this because she is in a delicate state. Of course, I have never expressed my disappointment to my friend, but I feel that she should have been more careful. I don't believe that this man has any intention on marrying her and has only given her the ring to try to keep her happy. She is madly in love with him and will probably continue to let him get away with murder. I am a firm believer of having children in wedlock and up until recently, I thought she was also. I feel phony telling her that everything is going to be OK and that she did nothing wrong because she is getting played. A baby will not make him clean up his behavior. I've seen this happen to many single women who have kids with a man only to find themselves stuck with most of the responsibilities of child-rearing.
I really love my friend and she's a great person, but I have lost a little respect for her. How can I be supportive without being judgmental?

[talaniman]

Give her your support but keep your opinions to yourself. There is time ( I hope) for you to talk honestly later, right now she just needs a friend.