[whatsmyyname]

Karma

OK well basically I cheated my boyfriend, lets call him Fred, with this other guy who is a but is very goodlooking and I thought he was a nice enough guy. Funny though his friends (who are my friends aswell) warned me and I didn't exactly ignore it because the first time this other guy tried anything ,lets call him Jamie , I did say no however it was going terribly with Fred who generally treated me as if I didn't really exist and he was always busy etc etc. so I assumed it was over... However when he heard about he he chose to break up with me which is well... fair enough so I ended up seeing Jamie who then cheated on me... shocking I know, ha. So I dumped him obviously.
Unluckily it turns out this Fred guys really liked me and he had for a long time but I mean it just didn't seem like that. Well it has been a few months now and well Fred apparently does not hate me anymore and I will admit I still have feelings for him and my friends have complained that I am not making much of an effort to be friends, which is a lie, I am friends with his friends and I don't say anything bad and I have talked to him a few times. Yes I'm aware I deserve this - karma and all... However what should I do, (also I got off with one of his best friends when I was slighty drunk... yes I know MISTAKE I have no will power and I got a lot of abuse from my friends so you don't have to tell me what I'm a etc.) So should I bother trying to fix it all or have I done too much damage ?

[Romefalls19]

Too much drama! This sounds like a soap opera too be honest, if "Fred" was smart he would be high tailing it out of there! You got with another guy and then got with his best friend? We have names for girls like you. Please don't use alcohol as an excuse, read some other posts looking to use that as an excuse, it doesn't fly on this forum.

It's over! Just try and work on your own issues, which you clearly have, and try to treat yourself and the next guy with a little respect.

[jmw0713]

If Fred has any smarts, it wouldn't matter what you do, he shouldn't take you back. In fact if I were "Fred" I would run far, FAR away from you.

To me it seems that other people's feelings don't matter to you whatsoever. Maybe you should get a little maturity first before trying to fix anything.

You have serious issues that you need to address first before you even think about getting with another guy.

[whatsmyyname]

You are right

And as unbelivable as it is can definitely say I'm not a 'slut' or whatever it definitely seems like that I know... however I definitely did the right thing by dumping 'jamie' boy

I appreciate your honesty; I just wish you weren't right

[whatsmyyname]

Wait OK! It definitely seems like I don't give a about anyone but myself however that's not true! I regret absolutely everything, I feel like utter but then again you learn from your mistakes don't you and 'fred' has every reason to hate me... however I never intended to hurt him, and of coarse there is no appropreate reason as to why I did such a thing and believe me I'm staying away from boys for a while and I have got 'my act together' now and he has no reason to take me back but if there was a slight chance he would want to be good friends again I would take it...

I understand your honesty but seriously making me feel worse at this point is really not helping

[jmw0713]

Well sweet heart, we have seen this stuff time and time again.

You need to stop worrying about guys right now, and concentrate on why you put yourself in situations like this. Once you realize what wrong, then you can work on the other aspects of your life. Perhaps you will find a relationship that has some meaning to you rather than just short fling, but only after you look inside and find out who you are and what you want.

[jmw0713]

Well you need to hear the truth of the matter. If you explained this situation to anyone else that doesn't know you... what do you think they would say?

Most likely the same things we are.

I am going to tell you this... you need to leave "Fred" and "Jamie" both alone. Fred has already been hurt, and Jamie did the same thing to you as you did to Fred.

So look inside yourself to find out what you want from a relationship. Look inside yourself to find out what makes you happy. Look inside yourself and become happy with who you are. THEN go and find a GOOD guy, who treats you right and is not connected with any of the drama you have here.

It is time for you to find you. That means staying away from the guys for a bit. If you don't, this cycle will continue only with a new "Fred" and a new "Jamie".

[ja77]

you learn from your mistakes

You make a good point with this, because it is very true.

You need to move on with your life and forget about the two guys, the only thing you must take along from your old relationship is the learning you have made since.

We learn from what we do in life, we just have to make sure we do not make the same mistakes again.

[whatsmyyname]

Of coarse I left Jamie alone I still liked fred and was wanting to stay with him however I explained everything and asked if he wanted to work things out and stay together or just be friends and well he picked the friends one... and when Jamie cheated I wasn't extremely bothered but still it sucked obviously however I expected it.
Im not going to say I'm the happiest or more positive person because that's not true but I'm not using boys to make myself feel better NO not at all if anything it makes me feel worse. I still am not sure what I REALLY want but I'm going to leave things and take your advice.

[ja77]

of coarse i left Jamie alone i still liked fred and was wanting to stay with him however i explained everything and asked if he wanted to work things out and stay together or just be friends and well he picked the friends one... and when Jamie cheated i wasn't extremly bothered but still it sucked obviously however i expected it.
Im not going to say im the happiest or more positive person because thats not true but im not using boys to make myself feel better NO not at all if anything it makes me feel worse. I still am not sure what i REALLY want but im going to leave things and take your advice.

You cheated because at that point you where only intrested in what you wanted and the fun you could have with the other guy on the side, so at that point you where only thinking of yourself and no one else.

Something in the relationship you had with your boyfriend made you feel that it was OK to go out and have a little fun on the side, nothing is going to change because something must not have been working to make you feel this was OK. So I would see you and your Ex boyfriend getting back together as being DOOMED.

Learn from what you did and move on.

[whatsmyyname]

Yes but I don't know if I want to get back with fred I guess I just want to be close with him like I used to because being friends with him was great and I was really happy as he always made me feel better but then it felt like we were only friends, its all silly and confusing also he doesn't hate me anymore and he is friends with my friends. Still I don't think we can be friends again because although I'm a really fogiving person I don't know if I would forgive him if it were the other way around... yeah its best I just move along

[jmw0713]

Just let it go. Move on and do your thing for a while. Maybe sometime down the road you can be friends with him again, but for right now, you need to straighten your own self out, with out these other distractions.

[ja77]

yes but I don't know if I want to get back with fred I guess I just want to be close with him like I used to because being friends with him was great and I was really happy as he always made me feel better but then it felt like we were only friends, its all silly and confusing also he doesn't hate me anymore and he is friends with my friends. Still I don't think we can be friends again because although I'm a really fogiving person I don't know if I would forgive him if it were the other way around... yeah its best I just move along

Please do not take this wrong you where the CHEAT and the you write

because although im a really fogiving person i don't know if i would forgive him if it were the other way around

Please do not get me wrong - you did the wrong not this guy and I almost feel from my chair when I read that above. :confused:

[whatsmyyname]

Of coarse I know I'm the CHEAT! :P I'm just saying if he had cheated instead of me I would still be annoyed and upset - I'm admitting that he has every righ to be annoyed and upset with me still
Sorry if that was unclear

[Nestorian]

Karma

i did say no however it was going terribly with Fred who generally treated me as if i didn't really exist and he was always busy etc etc.

Yes im aware i deserve this - karma and all...

However what should i do, (also i got off with one of his best friends when i was slighty drunk... yes i know MISTAKE i have no will power and i got a lot of abuse from my friends so you dont have to tell me what im a etc.)

So should i bother trying to fix it all or have i done too much damage ?

Are you really all those things you say or are you just as lost and confused as the rest of us? Any one who says you're anything but a human being, as beautiful, smart, funny, fun, interesting, and Loving as any one else; they are just upset, or lost. Can't really blame them, but also you don't have to agree with them. Most people don't know what is happening, let alone what is going to happen. I forgive you, and any girl who's hurt me, so please forgive yourself, if you can. I won't lie, I was with a girl for 4 years, then she left me for some other guy. But she dated him for 3 weeks before braking it off with me. First day I moved out, she had him in our bed. It's bin 2 years or more, and I still hurt. But I forgive her, and still love her.

So, try working on forgiving yourself. Next big RED flag, drinking, look up the facts about it. How it lowers your inhibition, thus making you do things you normally wouldn't. No that does not mean you are excused from your acctions, it means you may want to lay off the drinky drinky, :) No I didn't say stop, but learn about it, and drink RESPONSIBLY. I didn't learn what that meant till resently. NO I AM NOT CALLING YOU/ IMPLYING anything, just look into it, o.k.

As for the rest, that is up to you kido(I refer to every one as kido), do what you thing is best. The best advice we can ever get is from ourselves, but information about things is good to come ask here for. Here are some things I found on YouTube that may help you learn about Alcohol.

YouTube - The Best DUI Arrest In History This one is funny, but still scarry.

YouTube - Binge Drinking This one is more sierious, but has good info.

YouTube - VCCP - Binge drinking ad female version This one, a little funny, but again powerful message.

You may know all the facts, and just had some "fun" one night, but you came for help so here is what I can offer. You may not like it, agree with it, but here it is.


Peace be with you.

[ja77]

What are you holding onto still ?

I get the feeling from what your writing that you are holding a hope still or wanting something from the old relationship you had with your Ex?

I maybe wrong but that's the way it would look.

[whatsmyyname]

Thanks

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Haha I'm not an alcoholic, I hardly drink and I know my limits, it was new years an occasion I was just JUST tipsey so it does not excuse anything at all and 'alcohol isn't an excuse it's a reason' I know. I just wanted to clear I'm not an alcoholic :P

Also I'm pretty young so 'relationships' still take a bit of getting used to I guess, however I don't think I want one I'm just going to focus on 'my studies' and friends and if I meet someone who I can really trust and like then I won't make the same mistake that's for sure.

[ja77]

I'm just going to focus on 'my studies'

You say you are pretty young, well that would be a very mature take on things and also a good way forwards.

Most people in life have done things that we wish we had not, you need to stop beating yourself up about what happened and what you did, and learn and move forwards.

[jmw0713]

Good Job! Start there and work your way forward. That is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

[Romefalls19]

You aren't an alcoholic and know your limits, but have no will power to stop it? I'm quite baffled by this statement. That's like a gambler saying "I only gamble on the sure games that I know I will win"