[joanne79]

The guy I was dating asked me for time apart about 4 weeks ago - he initially told me that he loves my very much, but "blocks" me emotionally when I get close to him and that this is disrespectfull. He said he needs time to figure out what he wants in life first.

We both cried (and he is a real boys don't cry guy!) that day when we spoke.

We dated for 9 months. He is 39 and I am 30. Neither married before.

2 days ago I went by his house after "rumors" going around to find out whether he actually meant he wants to brak up in stead of taking a break.

We had a really long conversation where something's came up:

He felt frustrated with the fact that he was not absolutely sure about our compatibility after 9 months as he thought we would be.

He felt a lot of pressure to commit (I never mentioned marriage in the relationship yet although I though of him as a life partner for sure).

I also specifically mentioned that it is OK if he says he does not love me the way I love him - he answered: I might love you more than you think.

He said he is thinking of settling.

We also then talked about (I did a bit more) about what I want in life (marriage, children, ect).

Our converstation ended that he will contact me when he is ready - but I also stressed that if he feels he wants to move on that it is really fine with me (in the end his happiness is more important for me.) He answered: We'll see.

We actually held hands at one difficult stage of the conversation.

Is this guy honest that he wants to commit, but wants to "sort his mind"? Or is he someone who will probably never commit? How do I handle this situasion? Do I pull back completely?

[Clough]

Hi, joanne79!

It sounds to me like he has some issues with his own life that he would like to resolve so that he can figure out what he needs to do for himself and perhaps with you. The fact that he cried means that he cares about your relationship and that figuring things out about it is probably hurting him. The more a person cares, the more they hurt.

Would there be a problem with giving him some space for awhile?

What were the rumors to which you were referring, please?

I'm hopeful that others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

[joanne79]

A long time friend of his (girl) showed me an text message that he send her where he mentions that he "probably must learn how to hunt again".

Asking him about this - he said he was makimng a joke. He mentioned then for the second or third time that he feel emotionally neutral and do not want "anyone" in his life right now.

I guess I am always scared to trust the process. We ended a 3 month relationship 3 years ago when I went overseas.

He started dating me within 2 weeks of my return from overseas.

I guess I also don't know "how much space": no contact? How long?

And of course my parents feels that "this is not the way he should treat me".

[Clough]

I think that your parents are correct. And, it looks like there might be some deception going on here. If he's not being true to you, then it might be best to move on.

True love with someone takes open communication, openness, truthfulness and no game playing on the part of both persons in the relationship with each other in order to enable the relationship to work and be maintained.

The guy just might not want to be involved intimately with someone right now, and may never be. He's 39 years old. He may only like the idea that he can have someone who really cares about him to whom he may never really need to make a commitment. It may be as simple as that. Could even be an ego thing on his part.

I would suggest leaving your options open for yourself concerning relationships. There are "lots of fish in the sea".

If you might want to consider moving on, are you involved in any social groups or clubs, please?

My ultimate suggestion for you though, is that you make plans to move on with your life and finding other people with whom there might be the possibility of having an intimate relationship rather than to keep hanging onto something that's causing frustration for you.

I've had a lot of intimate relationships in my life, but for one reason or another, things just didn't work out. Does that mean that I'm not still in love with them? No. Does that mean that some of them don't still love me? No. Just for one thing or another, things didn't work out...

Thanks!

[HistorianChick]

At 39, he should have a pretty good idea of what he "wants in life."

Sorry to say, but based on this information, it seems like he was trying to let you down easy.

He probably thinks the world of you, but is not ready for the commitment that you desire.

[talaniman]

He doesn't want what you want, nor is he ready to give you what you want.

Waiting for him would be foolish.