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AmandaEvans · Jan 6, 2009, 06:41 PM

I feel terrible, awful, totally down in the pits. :(
Me and my boyfriend were going through a really bad time.
He never wanted to hug, kiss, hold or cuddle me.
I never felt loved, I felt more like a friend rather than a girlfriend.
So one night we were both at his friends house.
However my boyfriend got really drunk and ended up being sick, passing out, and going to
Sleep.
Leaving me rather drunk with his friend.
We both went to the pub together and I was very drunk when we got back.
We both went upstairs to go to sleep.
However I ended up having sex with him.
It only lasted a few minutes as I pushed him off me, after realising what I did.
I've felt terrible since, but put it to the back of my mind.
Me and my boyfriend are doing great now, this all happened about a month ago.
What should I do? :confused:
Please please help me, I can't cope.

kctiger · Jan 6, 2009, 06:46 PM

This whole post is littered with excuses as to why you did what you did. Instead of communicating and working this stuff out with your boyfriend, you chose this route. Tell him the truth, as this will haunt you for the rest of your relationship, if there is one to be had. I realize you feel bad, but the first part of responsibility is owning up to your actions. It shouldn't be in your hands to decide what happens... your boyfriend not only has to deal with you being dishonest, but a friend as well. Trust goes a LONG way in life. It is your burden to bear, but it cannot stay in between you and his friend.

ylaira · Jan 6, 2009, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by AmandaEvans

Me and my boyfriend are doing great now, this all happened about a month ago.
What should i do? :confused:
Please please help me, i can't cope.

What's the problem?

AmandaEvans · Jan 6, 2009, 06:51 PM

I'm not trying to make excuses.
I know what I did was totally wrong.
I can't decide whether it is worth ruining everything, to tell him the truth.
When all the truth will do is destroy everything.

kctiger · Jan 6, 2009, 06:54 PM

You either come clean, or you live with the burden, so long as the idiot friend of his can keep his mouth shut as well. I realize telling him will break his heart, and so maybe it won't be in the best interest of HIM to tell him... however, you had better spend the rest of this relationship ensuring you don't get into situations like this again. The truth isn't the thing that will destroy it... it is your actions that will.

AmandaEvans · Jan 6, 2009, 07:00 PM

Looks like I'm going to have to accept it and live with it.
I can't hurt him like this.
There is a relationship, and no matter what people think of me, I do love him, very much.

kctiger · Jan 6, 2009, 07:02 PM

Perhaps you should work on the alcohol problem as well. I have been drunk a number of times, and never once even thought about cheating on my girlfriend. You will get through this, with work, and a big heart. Good luck!

AmandaEvans · Jan 6, 2009, 07:05 PM

I can assure you, I don't have an alcohol problem.
But thank you.
I am determined to get through this.
:)
Thanks again.

ylaira · Jan 6, 2009, 07:07 PM

Honesty is the best policy. No matter how hurtful the truth is, if he loves you enough, he will forgive you.

rhiannahunt · Jan 6, 2009, 08:11 PM

It will be hard at first, I have never cheated, but telling the truth will make you feel a little better, depending on how he reacts. Let him know that you love him, and it was a mistake. Alcohol DOES impair your judgement, they teach us that in school. You should feel bad about it, but being honest will make you a better person. A lot of people won't tell the truth, its just not fair to him, to not know. Also think of it as if he was the one that cheated on you, Would you want to know?

Good luck and I hope that it works out for you!:)

ISneezeFunny · Jan 6, 2009, 08:29 PM

I've been in this situation, as I've been in your boyfriend's shoes.

In my opinion, tell the boyfriend. Don't make excuses to him while you're telling him this. Just give it to him straight, apologize, and see how it goes. He will get angry, he may yell, and he may not ever want to see you again. But this is far better than that friend of his telling him one day.

411Help · Jan 6, 2009, 08:53 PM

Tell him the truth.

The guilt will eat at you until you do.

talaniman · Jan 6, 2009, 11:14 PM

Got to go with Sneeze on this one, his friend may spill the beans, and then you would be a drunk lying cheater. Or is it a cheating, drunk, liar, no wait, a lying cheating drunk, thats it.

Tell him and then quit drinking.

thadevilsadvocate · Jan 6, 2009, 11:35 PM

How about you think about HIM and quit thinking about yourself?? Are you seriously considering going on with this relationship without telling him? You have laid the ground for a dishonest relationship, no matter how much you want to keep it to yourself. Take a second and think about how screwed up this situation is. Try putting yourself in his shoes for a minute... his girlfriend cheats on him and the person that is supposed to be his friend sleeps with his girlfriend... you cheating would be bad enough, but with his friend.Friends are supposed to be there to have your back when you are not around and to help keep other guys from getting with your girl... not being the one to get with your girl... now he has been betrayed by two close people in his life, and all you can think about is how you may not have the relationship... to be honest, you don't deserve the relationship. I'm not trying to be an a$$, but I'm just doing what you won't do, and that is telling the truth.

You need to tell him the truth and be willing to accept the responsibility for your actions, just as you would expect someone else to do if they screwed you over. If you can't handle that, then you should have considered that before you chose to betray him and sleep with his friend. In addition, if he and the other guy ever had a falling out, you can believe that it would spill from the other guys mouth... at that point you may be years down the road or even married with kids... look at how much more painful it could get for him as time goes on. You need to stop being selfish and own up to your actions and tell him. What he decides to do, is what you need to accept... think about it, he is having to accept that you betrayed him, but he doesn't even get a choice in that matter.

ThatGuy2 · Jan 7, 2009, 01:44 AM

You live with the actions you make, and you accept the consequences. Nobody forced you to cheat, this was your decision no matter how you look at it. A relationship built on lies and deceit will crumble in the end no matter how hard you try to redeem yourself. He may take you back if he loves you enough. Consider yourself lucky if he does.

HistorianChick · Jan 7, 2009, 07:43 AM

You're not willing to be honest with your boyfriend.

You'd rather hide your secret, hoping and praying that your boyfriend's friend doesn't get drunk again and spill the beans to your boyfriend in some sort of bragging tease.

You are taking the chance that your relationship will one day progress to the point of considering marriage and you're more than happy to lie to the man that you marry.

You are more than happy to continue on like nothing has happened and lie to him every time you see that friend.

You're risking getting drunk and doing this again.

All this adds up to a selfish woman who is not willing to work at her relationship. Dishonesty NEVER pays - nor does it win.

jmw0713 · Jan 7, 2009, 08:17 AM

If you don't tell him, it will eventually get out that you cheated anyway. Then the problem will be worse because you were not honest.