[dawn0216]

Hello

I have 3 kids and no money I have been to the child support unit over and over. My house has collapsed, I had to have animals put down and my 3 children are in other peoples houses because my ex walked out. HE refuses to pay. I have a court order for a garnish from his company. "his company" refuses to pay. Child support unit doesn't seem to do a thing for me. In fact they have lied to me about checks coming when they weren't. I don't know what to do anymore. My child in the college dorm will be getting kicked out because I have no way to pay. We are all looking for a stable home. I have lost my job because I haven't been able to do all. Any help would be appricated.

-Dawn

[Fr_Chuck]

You are in really better shape if he is employed as a employee and they have refused to withhold, that makes them liable to pay you theirself. So you can actually sue them now for the entire amount due if they have refused to honor the court order.

You need an attorney for this,

[N0help4u]

How old are your kids?
You say one is in college so if they are all older are you able to go find work at least until this is straightened out?
I am not sure what you mean by your house collapsing do you mean family and finances or the place is literally needing repairs you can't afford?

[dawn0216]

How old are your kids?
You say one is in college so if they are all older are you able to go find work at least until this is straightened out?
I am not sure what you mean by your house collapsing do you mean family and finances or the place is literally needing repairs you can't afford?

My 19 year old is in a dorm and says there are no jobs.

Collapse means I had to sell everything and put down my animals we where evicted.

[N0help4u]

Are you able to stay with relatives?
Where are you staying now?
If you have to you can stay at a Salvation Army or somewhere and they can help you get on your feet quicker than trying on your own.

[dawn0216]

I filed for court the support unit told to. I am sure my husband and the company will come with an atttorney. How to I win against a company that has a good attorney when I can afford one. I have already lost my share of retirement after 25 years because I used a terrible lawyer at leagal aid.

[JudyKayTee]

I filed for court the support unit told to. I am sure my husband and the company will come with an atttorney. How to I win against a company that has a good attorney when I can afford one. I have already lost my share of retirement after 25 years because I used a terrible lawyer at leagal aid.

I don't know why his employer would come to Court with an Attorney or, for that matter, if they did, why they would be heard. The employer isn't a party to this.

If a wage garnisment is served the employer has no choice but to comply or be fined.

If there is an order and the employer has ignored it then the employer is the respondent or defendant - but in that case your "ex" has no legal standing to be heard.

I don't quite understand what happened here - how did you lose your retirement benefits in a divorce action?

I do understand you are in dire straits - but you need to take another look at the situation because this is not how NY works.

[dawn0216]

My Ex pulled all of his money out of retirement prior to filing for divorce. I used a public lawyer who told me there was nothing she could do about his retirement and that he had pulled it out. I was forced to be a house wife he did not let me have much outside contact. I was with his since I was 19 now I am 44. It is difficult for me to get a job.

My Ex has not paid and it is a court ordered garnish. So his employer is not following court orders. His employer is a good friend to him.

I have filed a violation order per child supports advice. Past this, I don't have any idea what will happen or what I am to do.

I have been discarded to many times by the governments lack of caring or even wanting to do anything for me.

Resently my Ex filed for custody so he could stop the money for the kids. He got joint custody. He still has no contact with the kids unless court is coming up. We had NO money my kids had to be place at friends houses and all the court cared about was the grades my daughter was getting in school. He didn't want to hear about the devistation my ex put us through. With no food, no gas no electric and eviction. It is all sickining.

I tried to file for public assitance and they said no because the is a court order for my ex to pay us so many dollars and I was over the dollar amount for help.

I went to charity. They said no to $$ and I found a food pantry. It was embarrassing.

Now I have to face off in court against I believe his boss for not paying. I have no idea what to expect and I am sure he will have a laywer.

[dawn0216]

I do understand you are in dire straits - but you need to take another look at the situation because this is not how NY works.

I have to disagree ! This is exactly how NYS works. Because I am living it.
I went to child support just before christmas and they told me a check was on the way. It was not true. I went the following week and the lady said that there were no checks and haven't been any in some time and that the last weeks lady was mistaken.

That is how government works. IT Doesn't

[JudyKayTee]

I have to disagree ! this is exactly how NYS works. Because I am living it.
I went to child support just before christmas and they told me a check was on the way. It was not true. I went the following week and the lady said that there were no checks and havent been any in some time and that the last weeks lady was mistaken.

That is how government works. IT DOESNT

I'm sorry you're going through this and are upset and angry. I would be, too. I don't think you can blame all your problems on NY, however.

[cdad]

I have to disagree ! this is exactly how NYS works. Because I am living it.
I went to child support just before christmas and they told me a check was on the way. It was not true. I went the following week and the lady said that there were no checks and havent been any in some time and that the last weeks lady was mistaken.

That is how government works. IT DOESNT

I don't think you can keep saying things as you are without knowing the facts behind it all. For starter if you turned your case over to child support then you wouldn't be filing anything on your own. They would start an action for you. Another thing is that it may be perfectly legal for your ex's company to not garnish anything. They may have changed the way they pay him and until you know that your making false statements against his company. You need to figure out what path you want to take and not wait on government to do something about it. I know it looks bad right now but you can turn it around by being proactive. Don't expect anything from anyone. Start moving forward again.

[dawn0216]

From what I hear it isn't leagal and yes support started the action against the company. The company doesn't pick the phone up when they call. ALL WEEK. This has been going on for months. If I can't use a lawyer and a judge then the government is useless ! They are only effective when you owe them money.
I have taken matters into my hands I am trying to ge a license in cosmotology. Something I had when I was 19. But in the mean time my kids are suffering and I believe it will get worse.
My Ex is doing what ever he can to be completely destructive to me and the kids.
If you have a wonderful idea of exactly how you feed , cloth and take care a 3 children withpout money please let me know.
I did live in the country and tried to make it work. I had a job. The kids needed me all the time. My kids call all the time to my work. I did not make enough to keep everything going. Then everything collapsed. Like I siad if you have a bright idea about how to be PROACTIVE in a time like this please share it.

I am doing what I can. Getting my licensce back I believe is a great step. BUT BUT I cannot do this by myself.

[JudyKayTee]

From what I hear it isnt leagal and yes support started the action against the company. The company doesnt pick the phone up when they call. ALL WEEK. This has been going on for months. If I can't use a lawyer and a judge then the government is useless ! they are only effective when you owe them money.
I have taken matters into my hands I am tring to ge a license in cosmotology. something I had when I was 19. But in the mean time my kids are suffering and I beleive it will get worse.
My Ex is doing what ever he can to be completely destructive to me and the kids.
If you have a wonderful idea of exactly how you feed , cloth and take care a 3 children withpout money please let me know.
I did live in the country and tried to make it work. I had a job. The kids needed me all the time. My kids call all the time to my work. I did not make enough to keep everything going. Then everything collapsed. Like I siad if you have a bright idea about how to be PROACTIVE in a time like this please share it.

I am doing what I can. Getting my licensce back I believe is a great step. BUT BUT I cannot do this by myself.

I appreciate that you are upset and frustrated. I don't understand how in one post you say you didn't work and your "ex" didn't want you to have much outside contact. Now you had a job. If the kids called you all the time and, therefore, you couldn't work, your kids need to stop calling you. You can go to school, I guess, but you can't work - ? As far as your son in college who can't find a job because there aren't any - he should keep looking. Lots of people on this board worked their way through so there is very little sympathy in that area.

You won't be the first nor will you be the last mother who allowed her "ex" to have custody of the children while she finished her education or got a license or got established in a career. Sometimes it's what gets you from here to there, not what you want. Sometimes it's about who can put shoes on their feet and food in their stomach and not what the parents want.

Your "if you have a wonderful idea" and "... please share it" language is insulting to the very people who are attempting to help you. CalifDad is a respected member of this Board and has posted some 1,100 times, some of those posts in situations just like this. You've posted 6. I've posted some 10,000 times - and some of those threads were similar to yours.

I still don't understand your involvement in the County's case against your husband's employer (other than you have a vested interest).

For that matter I don't understand spousal support and child support when in NY it's by statute - yet you claim you walked out with pretty much nothing.

I tried to help you. I tried to listen. Maybe yours is one of those cases where there are no answers. I don't know what you want anyone, me included, to say. If you've tried all avenues, nothing works, the Government/your attorney/your husband's employer have ruined your life, well, again, I don't know what to say. If you don't qualify for State aid or Welfare or whatever else you've applied for, then you don't meet the guidelines. It's that simple and no one here can change that.

In your case apparently there are no answers.

[dawn0216]

Your "if you have a wonderful idea" and "... please share it" language is insulting to the very people who are attempting to help you. CalifDad is a respected member of this Board and has posted some 1,100 times, some of those posts in situations just like this. You've posted 6.

Another thing is that it may be perfectly legal for your ex's company to not garnish anything. They may have changed the way they pay him and until you know that your making false statements against his company.

This statement was hard to take. The fact that the company did not pay the garnish because he is friends with my Ex is what completely destroyed my family. So it is kind of tough to take a statement like this telling me it is "perfectly legal for your ex's company to not garnish anything" when there is a court order telling him to do so.

I am having a very difficult time with this too

"They may have changed the way they pay him and until you know that your making false statements against his company"

There is nothing false about what I have said. The company is playing games.

The last 1.5 years of the 25 years I stood up to him because I couldn't take the isolation. I couldn't take the meaness. He was aweful to the kids. So I wanted to get a job to I could leave and not face the devisation. I was done with him by that time.

I had to sign papers for support violation against my ex and against the employer. The employer is supposed to garnish my ex's wages. The employer was instructed by the state to pay the state so the state could pay me. The employer will not answer there phones and are not paying the state. There fore I must go to court against the employer in regards to the lack of payment.

[dawn0216]

Correct...

I walk out with absolutely nothing...

[JudyKayTee]

Correct ....

I walk out with absolutely nothing ...

How? It's all by Statute - I honestly don't understand what happened, why after 25 (20?) years you aren't even entitled to spousal support.

[dawn0216]

I am getting one check for both but because the kids are with me my portion is very small. But the fact is we are not getting any of it... nothing. I was told when the children are gone I can go to court and get the spousal support I am due.

[dawn0216]

But nothing about the spousal support adjustment after the kids are gone was put writing. It was verbally told to me by the public lawyer.

[dawn0216]

So you are correct... I did get soemthing if he pays... $60 a month

[cdad]

Another thing is that it may be perfectly legal for your ex's company to not garnish anything. They may have changed the way they pay him and until you know that your making false statements against his company.

This statement was hard to take. The fact that the company did not pay the garnish because he is friends with my Ex is what completely destroyed my family. So it is kind of tough to take a statement like this telling me it is "perfectly legal for your ex's company to not garnish anything" when there is a court order telling him to do so.

I am having a very difficult time with this too

"They may have changed the way they pay him and until you know that your making false statements against his company"

There is nothing false about what I have said. the company is playing games.

The last 1.5 years of the 25 years I stood up to him because I couldnt take the isolation. I couldnt take the meaness. He was aweful to the kids. So I wanted to get a job to I could leave and not face the devisation. I was done with him by that time.

I had to sign papers for support violation against my ex and against the employer. The employer is supposed to garnish my ex's wages. The employer was instructed by the state to pay the state so the state could pay me. The employer will not answer there phones and are not paying the state. There fore I must go to court against the employer in regards to the lack of payment.

Here is what you face. There are no magic answers to your situation. Only time is going to tell the tale. If your ex is being paid by the company but is not an employee then the company is under no legal obligation to send anything from his money he receives from them. You need to understand that the court system isn't even close to instant for these types of matters and it may be years before you see a penny. That's the unfortunate reality you must live with at this time. Its great your going to school but that's at least 1 years time to complete that type of school. And depending on the area your in that field of choice may be depressed because its optional. And for some a luxury item. Right now you have a staircase in front of you with your ultimate goal at the top. You must take things one at a time and deal with them. Pointing fingers at government etc isn't going to help your cause. There is no easy answer for your situation. And as of right now if your children are being taken care of by others then you might not even have the right to child support because others are incurring the burden of child rearing. Yeah your in a huge mess. If you singed over collection of child support to the state then you have to give them time to act on it. ( yes even years ). You need to go that one step and regain control. You actually have a lot to be grateful for at this time. 1) your away from your abusive ex. 2) you have friends and family that are there to help you ( that's a HUGE bonus ). 3) your getting help with collection of the debt for free. So as dire as it is you could be worse off. No magic answer. Its your life and you're the one that's going to have to figure it out.. one step at a time.