[polyandry]

My boyfriend is so sweet, but I always fear he is going to cheat on me or wants to cheat on me. My problem is that I have cheated with other boyfriends in the past so I really don't believe that people can remain faithful. He has done nothing for me to suspect that he's cheating and he even tells me when he's hanging out with girls. I don't want my jealous nature to ruin our relationship. Our relationship has been going great so far and I haven't talked to him about me being jealous because I don't want him to have doubts about me. What can I do put myself at ease?

[ZoeMarie]

Not to be rude, but for starters you should realize that not everyone lacks self control. If he was going to cheat on you, do you think he would tell you that he's going to hang out with friends and more specifically that they're girls? Hang out with some friends of your own when he goes out with his friends.

[ZoeMarie]

Or even ask if you can hang out with all of them. Tell him you're not doing anything and you're looking for something to do

[smoothy]

Maybe talk to a counceller before you trash a relationship. Paranoia is not a normal state of mind. Perhaps you can learn to resolve these feelings.

[Mom of 2]

What you are showing are classic signs of projection. You state that you have cheated in the past, so therefore you are assuming that EVERYONE has a cheating nature. Cheating is ingrained into your personality. You either have the character to cheat or you don't. I personally have had a hard time dating more than one person at a time if I was not in a serious relationship with someone, so therefore I personally do not believe that I would have the capacity to cheat on anyone. However, there are people that have no qualms about it and actually rationalize that they are not doing anything wrong.

However, bear in mind that for any successful relationship you have to have trust and honesty. Without that, you have no relationship. From what you are saying, he has not cheated on you, nor is he showing any signs that he will. I suggest that you seek counseling to resolve your trust and abandoment issues. Otherwise you run the risk of sabotaging your existing relationship.

Question to ask you, have you been cheated on before? I know that you stated that you had cheated on boyfriends in the past, but was this a result of being cheated on and you just wanted to get back at them? What were the reasons that you cheated? This would provide us good insight into your character. At the very least, these issues need to be addressed during counseling sessions with a licensed therapist. When someone cheats, this is usually a sign of their own insecurities as this person searches to fill a void that they are currently feeling. Just some food for thought.

[Synnen]

The fact that your user name is "Polyandry" is somewhat telling, if you ask me.

Get counseling. You need it.

[lushuslips]

I think that because you are a cheater that makes you look at others the same...
I understand where you are coming not being able to trust the one that you love...
Stop lowering yourself esteem and your ability of making someone not cheating. I believe you need to put positive energy into your current relationship or otherwise you are eventually going to push him away.

Men do cheat and Women as well, but one of the best weapon to combat this is to keep the romance alive. Try and indulge your man into things that you like like out door sex, going away for the weekend or showing up in a trench coat with nothing on...

Be sponteanous and keep him guessing of what sexual fantasies that you are going to explore.

This will keep him thinking about you all day and make him want to come him early everyday...
Lol

[JustHisGirl]

I think that you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. Just tell him something is bothering you and you need to talk to him about it. Maybe he can reassure you he's not doing anything wrong.

[Starbucks21]

I think this may be linked to your own cheating. Since you've done it, you think everyone else does too

I think your trust issues may best be solved by going to some sort of consular

[Choux]

It is a matter of you not having any self-confidence and you having a cheating mindset.

The way to deal with this is to build up your character by developing a good set of morals and ethics. Everyone needs to have a strong framework from which to act in order to have a happy and successful life, a life full of good relationships.

Good Luck to you in the future, :)

[kp2171]

I really don't believe that people can remain faithful.

Well, here is the problem.

Don't punish others for the mistakes you have made in the past. Having been cheated on by two great loves, I recovered, rebuilt, and trusted again.

If I went nuts every time my wife went overseas or to the coast, where I know men are going to approach her, proposition her, and flirt with her... well, it would be no way to live.

Short answer is that he can do nothing to prove anything. Trust starts with you. Sure, another can break that trust... but until you are willing to let go, willing to risk being hurt as you've hurt others, willing to forgive yourself for the past and not choose to repeat it... how can you be assured of anything?

So... you cheated in the past. Why? Its not a rhetorical or judging question. Why did you cheat? Bored in the relationship? It happens. Was the relationship was fine but you liked the thrill of anothers touch? Liked the sneaking? Needed different attention? Liked the comfort of a relationship when you weren't ready to be in one?

There should be reasons you can find that bring you to understanding why you acted on your impulses.

So... the trick isn't to find a guy who pines for nobody but you. Your boyfriend is going to meet and see women he is going to be attracted to. He's human.

I know my wife will be around men who wine and dine her. She is beautiful, smart, successful, and in a power position in a male dominated field. Guys are after her when she travels.

Mkay.

I'm a jealous guy but my trust in her is just big enough to trump my desire to put a guy through a wall.

Instead of anger, I find comfort and pride in knowing she chooses be with me, chooses to come home, be faithful.

But, as I said, it doesn't start with her... it starts with me. I had to come to peace with the noise of the past... and that took time, some failures, some dumb moves, some breakups... eventually it gets boring as hell to distrust, be anxious...

So... time to think about what went wrong before... what is different (or not) now...

Perhaps you just aren't ready to be in a monogamous relationship. Again... it happens. Just don't punish others for your position or feelings.

If you can't trust him because you can't believe hed be faithful to you (or that you are worthy of his being true) you might need to step back.