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opheliacgirl23 · Jan 6, 2009, 10:45 AM

Me and my boyfriend, who I love very dearly and have been with for 1 year and 2 months on 9th January, have not had sex (both virgins but I have done other sexual things with a past boyfriend). I am beginning to not deal with that as well I used to because of what else is happening.
He has never given me oral sex, and I need that. I always have to initiate, and the last few months he has stopped doing anything, pushing me away, making excuses such as a headache/stomach ache/too tired/not in the mood etc. I talked to him about this (which was very difficult because he is like a closed book when it comes to this subject) and then a couple of hours later we did some sexual activities but it felt like he was doing it just to shut me up. We have not done anything since and that was over a month ago. I have given up initiating anything since last time I did a couple of weeks ago; I made him come, but then I did not get anything in return and I felt he was being a bit selfish. I am very frustrated. I need to have some sort of sexual contact as I feel I am drifting away from him, both physically and emotionally because of this.
I do not want to break up with him, I refuse to do that because I love him with all my heart and he means the world to me.

Help... :(

Choux · Jan 6, 2009, 10:52 AM

Sounds like there are hidden resentments in your relationship. They have to be revealed and discussed in order to repair your sexual relationship.

Best wishes, :)

Synnen · Jan 6, 2009, 11:16 AM

Try TALKING with him about it.

If that doesn't work, then leave.

Another of our experts here says something that I really like: YOU make choices about this too. Either you talk about it with him, and work towards making this better, or you accept that it's not GOING to get better and you live with it without being upset about it.

In other words, YOU choose whether you love him enough to go without sex forever, or whether you need him to make changes--remember, though: You can't make anyone else change. You can only change yourself and YOUR reactions!--or you leave and find someone you are more compatible with.

Any of these choices is going to suck for a while. However--YOU have to choose which you're going to do, and then YOU have to live with that choice--without whining!

Personally, I'd grab his ears and talk until I was blue in the face to get him to understand how serious you are.

susananne · Jan 13, 2009, 12:48 PM

Has he had past girlfriends... could it be his sexual preference is not with women? Try and talk with friends of his about his past relationships... collect clues.. and sort it out in your mind... maybe the answer is right in front of you.. Who knows... Good Luck

chrissymarie · Jan 13, 2009, 02:52 PM

First I'd like to say... if your boyfriend can make you orgasm you are a very lucky girl. Because I am w woman who is having sex and a lot of it and I have had few different partners and no one else has ever mad me orgasm EVER. And a lot of women have this same problem if you did no know.

But anyway my opinion about this is that your boyfriend may want sex now and is just sick of fooling around but doesn't want to pressure you. Also he may not like the taste of your vagina. A lot of men say they can't stand it. He may just not want to tell you.

Oral sex and intercourse are basically the same thing. They are both sex. So why havent't you 2 taken the next step towards sex.

Appetizers are good but everyone eventually wants the entrée. Same goes for sex. Foreplay and oral sex is good but everyone eventually wants the intercourse.

This is sort of silly because it reminds me of when I was 17 and I was having anal and oral sex because I didn't want to lose my "virginity" yet... lol.

chrissymarie · Jan 22, 2009, 11:36 AM

Then just break up. If you boyfriend doesn't want to have any kind of sex with you and you NEED it then obviusly he is not fulfilling your needs. Find someone who will.

hollylovesbrandon · Jan 22, 2009, 06:36 PM

All I can say is talk talk talk. He needs to know that you won't stand for it. Either you accept it and live with it or don't accept it and don't live with it... or do something to fix it. Maybe he's having some emotional issues or stress is wearing him out. Is he on medication that makes him depresses? Does he work long, hard hours? Men lose the sexual gene for many reasons. I think you need to find the bottom line and once that has been found it will be easier to move forward... also, coming from a women who's been with the same man for several years... take the sex however you can get it because trust me, you both won't always be in the mood at the same time. Even if he is just doing it for you sometimes... lay back and enjoy. The orgasm will put your mind at ease!

simoneaugie · Jan 22, 2009, 07:09 PM

Men who truly enjoy giving oral sex are not nearly common enough. If that's the only way you can enjoy sex, this is not the guy for you. Either you learn to live with his preferences, stonewalling and feeling lonely/unwanted or you move on. Talking may help.

Sex is not sex in all ways for everyone. For me, if there is no orgasm for both, when both want one, we aren't done, we didn't "just" do it. It isn't over till you're both done. A guy disagreed vehemently with me on this. I divorced him. Decide what you want and work towards that goal.

JJCH · Jan 27, 2009, 01:11 AM

See I'm in the opposite situation. We barely ever have sex and she's hardly ever in the mood. We've been together for 10 years so Im sure there's some spark gone considering we used to have sex all the time in the first years. I love to give (rather give than recieve) and she doesn't like giving, so it always worked out. But now the situation boggles my mind... I do feel for you...

slapshot_oi · Jan 27, 2009, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

first I'd like to say... if your bf can make you orgasm you are a very lucky girl. because I am w woman who is having sex and alot of it and I have had few different partners and no one else has ever mad me orgasm EVER. And alot of women have this same problem if you did no know.

Hold the phone, I thought most women don't orgasm from intercourse, it's only ever happened 4 times, and I'm pretty sure I was being deceived.

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Men who truly enjoy giving oral sex are not nearly common enough.

If that is the case, then you haven't found a man. Only boys whine and bellyache about a woman like that.