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CB1616 · Jan 6, 2009, 10:34 AM

This guy Bob in my grad class and I kind of got close during the past month. We studied together a lot and sometimes eat together as well.

A week ago he just stopped talking to me but came around 2 days later. While asked why he did that he said he's starting to really like me but he's transferring next year so nothing can happen anyway so he thought he'd keep his distance. But it didn't work well for him because he did like me a lot.

I told him I like him too and maybe for now we can be good friends. He agreed. Now he stopped talking to me again. I texted him happy new year a few days ago and he replied "You are a wonderful person and deserve all the best.."

What does that mean? Why did he stop talking to me again?

It's been 9 days since we talked except that one text message exchange. He hasn't been online during this time. It's like he doesn't miss me at all. I mean, I just want us to be friends again. What should I do to be friends with him again? I don't know if I should initiate contact again...

asking · Jan 6, 2009, 10:42 AM

I am guessing he is trying no contact because he likes you and cannot be just friends or does not trust you to be just friends.

I think you should respect his wishes and stop pursuing him. It's sad, and maybe you think he's making a mistake, but he is clear that he does not want a relationship and I think you need to respect that.

N0help4u · Jan 6, 2009, 10:57 AM

He is afraid of liking you too much and then having to leave so he is guarding himself from any further hurt.

ZoeMarie · Jan 6, 2009, 11:06 AM

I agree with everyone here. It sounds like he is trying to get over you before he goes away to school. Long distance relationships are really hard.

Edit: if you guys were to be together it would turn into a long distance relationship

CB1616 · Jan 6, 2009, 11:22 AM

The thing is, we made plans the day before he stopped talking to me. We were all like yea, we'll see each other tomorrow and all that. And then he never showed up, never got online again. I texted him to ask him if he's not coming. He texted back like 5 hr later saying "I'm sorry.." I asked what is going on. No response. I sent him an email asking him to stop messing with my head and tell me what is going on. No response.

Then I sent him a happy new year message and finally got a little response. But I still don't know what's going on and why he's doing this to me. Isn't what he did very rude though? On one hand, I miss him and I want to just go over there and demand him tell me what is going on. On the other hand, I don't want to be clingy. Plus, I'm a bit angry with him for just blowing me off like that, twice.

What should I do? Your opinion?

ZoeMarie · Jan 6, 2009, 11:26 AM

Leave him alone until he's ready to talk to you, if he's ready to talk to you. He's going through a hard time, he's trying to heal. He probably really wanted to see you and at the same time he's worried he's going to become too attached.

chrissymarie · Jan 6, 2009, 02:11 PM

It seems to me like your toturing this poor man. He probably really likes you and would like to make a relationship with you but knows it'll be really hard because it'll be long distance. He was probably expecting you to want a relationship to and want to struggle to make one work with him. He was expecting you to motivate him to make the relationship work but instead of that happening you said you didn't mind just staying friends.

I don't think he wants to be your friend. He wants something more with you or nothing at all because anything other then you 2 starting to date is a failure to him.

CB1616 · Jan 6, 2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

it seems to me like your toturing this poor man. he probably really likes you and would like to make a relationship with you but knows it'll be really hard becuase it'll be long distance. He was probably expecting you to want a relationship to and wanna struggle to make one work with him. He was expecting you to motivate him to make the relationship work but instead of that happening you said you didnt mind just staying friends.

I dont think he wants to be your friend. He wants something more with you or nothing at all because anything other then you 2 starting to date is a failure to him.

I am torturing him?? He's torturing me! I've been thinking about him 24/7 for 10 days now. A part of me dies a little bit when I wake up every morning and there's no emails, no messages from him. Sometimes I just feel like going over to his place and demand him explain all this to me and work out something so we could at least be in each other's life. Plus, I don't know if he has a girlfriend. Maybe he does. Nobody knows for sure he's doing this for the good of both of us. I mean, he made plans with me and blew me off. I might be going crazy here but maybe he has someone else and that's why he said in his text message that I deserve all the best.

I want to confront him about all this but what if he does have someone else? I don't want to make a fool out of myself. What should I do?

BlackVY · Jan 6, 2009, 02:34 PM

Well he did say he think u are a wonderful person and that u deserve the best... maybe he feels like he can't give that to you.. since he is going away... so he is trying to distance himself from you so u can find someone who will make u happy... does seem like he is looking out for what's best for you, not himself...

chrissymarie · Jan 6, 2009, 02:39 PM

Why are you toturing yourself? Just call him and tell him you like him and you want to make something work. If he doesn't answer leave it in a voice mail All he needs is to hear you say it. If he tells you there is someone else at least you'll know for sure the reason he stopped talking to you instead of wondering and wondering. But he might just respond positvely and that's definitely a steo from where your at right now.

Wondering Woman · Jan 22, 2009, 11:10 AM

Move forward. This guy's made himself clear to you. He's trying to not hurt your feelings, but he can tell, like we all can, that you really like him and would like to be more than friends. If you really can just be friends, than stop acting hurt and start acting like a buddy. I vote for you to move forward and find someone else who's interested in a relationship. He's made it clear that he is not! I know it hurts, but it would hurt more when he left.

chrissymarie · Jan 22, 2009, 11:29 AM

If you decide not to call him or contact him, you'll never know for sure what's going on. Call him because all you have right now are a bunch of guesses to why things aren't the way they should be.

Wondering Woman · Jan 22, 2009, 11:41 AM

I think this guy has made himself pretty clear already. If you pursue him further, you're going to hear a rejection like he's already told you. You're not going to convince him to get involved when he's going to be leaving. He is looking forward to his next place because he's planning for it already. I used to want guys to be brutally honest to me and all it got me was listening to their reasons, which I already knew, and then feeling hurt or mad because I thought they were making a mistake. It's your call. If you can't let go, then open up to him. Just be prepared to hear the same again. I wish you'd hear from him just what you wanted and needed to hear. But life doesn't work like that, does it?

chrissymarie · Jan 22, 2009, 01:27 PM

A lot of people i.e. wondering woman have a negative outlook in life. Be positive and think positive.

liz28 · Jan 22, 2009, 01:47 PM

You need to respect his space.

Let say, the two of you continue hanging out with the feelings your already have for each other than comes time for him to leave. You feelings would've only deepen and he already told you before hand that he can do a long distance relationship. Then your be more crush.

I think this guy was honest to the max with you. He knows what he can't deal with and a long distance relationship is one of them. Maybe things would've been different if he wasn't going away but he is.

Now he's staying away from you to deal with his feeling and probably is trying to disconnect his feelings with you. Sorry to say this but this is life. Sometimes circumstances come between two people and sometimes we can't get what we want and sometimes it includes letting someone go. Now if it is meant to be than your would meet up again in the future.

Right now I wouldn't focus too much on him because it's obivious what he's doing. Maybe you should do the same.

kekj · Feb 11, 2009, 04:11 PM

Hi

halz1985 · Feb 12, 2009, 03:04 AM

Of all the things everyone has said I personally agree with this statement