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Tata · Jul 22, 2006, 08:56 AM

:rolleyes:

hi, everyone! I just turned 21 last June and I have a 6-month old daughter.. she's really wonderful and she's the funniest person I know. =) I'm pretty OK with how my life is, so far... my boyfriend's (26 y/o) great, we have plans of getting married in 2 years. And we've been together for 2 years also. Problems just came in when we moved to my boyfriend's parent's place, we'll be staying here for a while until we've settled everything to have our own. He's an only child. His dad's OK and very diplomatic and considerate, but as for his mom, I can say she's one of the meanest people I know. She wants everything done her way. She doesn't yell at me or anything (yet... ) but she does it to everyone, except to her husband. She *****es around, gets pissed off easily and I haven't seen her not be that way for a day. And sometimes she meddles with how I take care of my baby, and sometimes I don't agree with her because her way is sometimes based on superstitions. But I can see she loves my baby so much and keeps buying her a lot of stuffs everyday, I like that. But she would take credit for everything she does, I don't know what's wrong with her... she's 54 y/o and she buys, she's crazy about a lot of toys... this house is literally filled with toys. I think she's immature but when I ask my boyfriend, he says she's been like that eversince and there's nothing better we can do but to let her be... and I'm not comfy and I'm starting to hate her. I'm scared and I feel for those people she affects badly. And I'm a person who would fight back if I had to, and I'm scared that someday that would happen because it would mean big trouble. My boyfriend knows how I feel about it, but I'd stop him from talking to his mom, because I'm scared that she might take it against me like she does to others... I have no problem with my boyfriend and my baby... but I'm not so sure if I'll get along naturally with his mom... for as far as I can see, she will be everywhere around us. What do you think about my situation?

aqua@home · Jul 22, 2006, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by Tata

:rolleyes:

...Problems just came in when we moved to my boyfriend's parent's place...

I think that is your answer right there. As soon as you get out, things will get better. Maybe there is another solution to your problem that doesn't involve you living at his parents? As long as there is nothing wrong with your relationship to your boyfriend, that seems to be the best idea.

Just a thought.;)

JoeCanada76 · Jul 22, 2006, 11:08 AM

Problems with inlaws. Oh do I know what that's about. The best thing we do is stay away as often and do not visit as often and we are happier. It maybe a temporary situation for you guys and try to hold on. It will be hard at times but it is all in how you react to the situation which could make it worse or better. Just remember that no matter how mad you get or upset you get. You need to try to handle it in a positive way and do not feed into anything negative.

Joe

talaniman · Jul 22, 2006, 11:18 AM

Tata-Yeah its rough with the in laws but its only temporary and then you'll have your own place so hang in and stay positive and respectful. Remember its her house and you are just visiting so of course she can do anything she wants .When you get your own place guess what? Your top dawg and can call the shots, so be patient and in the long run you'll be glad you did!

valinors_sorrow · Jul 22, 2006, 04:40 PM

Although the situation is incomfortable, nothing says you have to like your boyfriend's mother. However with that said, this is an opportunity to strength your diplomacy skills, which are always a good thing to have strengthened. What we focus on tends to grow too, from what I have experienced myself, so while you are under her roof --look for some good in her every day and focus only on that. If you can find nothing else -- remind yourself she produced that boyfriend you love! Let the other stuff go, for now. Like Tal said, later when you are in your own place, you can make the rules then and can afford to risk upsetting her easier. Solicit your boyfriend's help in learning how to work around her since he obviously has learned how to do that. I hope this helps you to shift your view a little and make it easier for you to feel harmonious despite being around a difficult person.

CaptainForest · Jul 22, 2006, 05:25 PM

Is there perhaps another option you have?

Somewhere else to live?

Move out of your inlaws and find another place to live if you can.

Things will then get better...

Cassie · Jul 22, 2006, 08:27 PM

Oh I feel for you. If you have to stay there do your best. Look at any positive areas you can. She loves your child and that is good. I had a great aunt that everyone hated and boy could she be mean. I did not live with her thank goodness, visiting my grandma who she lived with was enough. I went shopping one day and brought her back a rose wrapped in paper. She was surprised. I would ask her questions about her and really listen. She painted and would never give anyone anything she had painted, you had to buy her paintings. I bought one and when I opened the box, there were 3.
Try to be kind to her, you must be doing something right, so far she likes you.
Try not to complain to your boyfriend a lot about it, be honest and open but do not dwell on it. It puts him in a bad spot.

If things get out of hand, I would try to find an affordable place for the 3 of you to live.

Chery · Jul 23, 2006, 03:39 AM

OK, we've established that there are two women living in the same house that love the same man and child.

Their roles are a little different, but essentially the same - they love a beautiful baby. They also love a man, and want rights to him - you have new rights to him as your partner and baby's father. She wants to keep her rights as a mother. This is a type of natural rivalry that will not go away, never..

She will eventually see that she did not loose him, and that you are good for her son (most mothers have problems in this area - they want the 'best' and don't really know what that is.. ) She will continue to 'test' you to see if you are 'worth' it.

You will eventually realize that you are the new woman in his life, but that he will also keep the 'old' one and love you each in a different way. Don't make him choose.

As far as her treatment of others, accept it as they have - they obviously know her attitude and their roles in her life - and even if this bothers you, just remember that you don't have to be in this forever.

It also gives you a chance to really get to know her. As was suggested, zero in on her qualities, compliment her on them, and make her feel appreciated - that always gets them on a better side. If she's not hurting the baby with her 'superstitious' ways, then let her - she can't be changed, but you can keep your cool and gain full control again when you have your own place.

We've all gone through this with the mothers of our men, and it does make us stronger and definitely more diplomatic. It helps you prepare for when your child is grown and starts bringing other people into your home - will teach you tolerance too.

If things bother you so much, write them down on posts to us, we can reassure you that there eventually is a "life after the inlaws"...

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Remember "when in Rome", and do your thing when you have your own "Home Sweat Home"

Tata · Jul 23, 2006, 04:47 AM

oh, my god... thank you. Great help in my thoughts... I'm glad to know that there are people outn there like you guys, who care... god bless you... and I know I can count on you again.. right? Wink! =)