[survivorboi]

I feel so frustrated about myself because I could never be brave enough to be myself. I always think before I talk and often criticizes myself.

Every time I want to make a joke, I always go halfway and it end up being not funny, and then I get embarrassed and feels like a failure. I go halfway because it would seem as I am weird when I try to be so myself.

I'm always stopping myself to check; check if I am awkward, check if people are laughing at me. It's so depressing.

I just feel so awkward every time I say something and people didn't hear me. It makes me feel like I am not being cared about. It makes me feel like I am lame! Every time that happens, I shut up and not say anything for about half an hour until that shame feeling goes away. I hate to feel that way. I am always blaming myself for my unhappiness, for my fear to speak up and be myself.

[nitelight198073]

You seem like you are very smart but please be yourself. When you aren't yourself no one knows the real you. If people cannot accept you for who you are, they are not worth knowing. So try to chill out a little and be yourself, say what is on your mind... you will be surprised about what kind of responses you may get. You will feel better once you accomplish this. Things won't be as akward... good luck

[andrewc24301]

Survivior, you are over complicating this.
If something is funny, "let it all hang out".

I think you need to work on your confidence.

Not everyone is going to find everything you say funny.

At one time, it seemed like I could never say anything to amuse people. So I just started amusing myself. I would do the things that I wanted to do, and have the expirences that I wanted to have.

It boils down to being who you are.

It's harder at your age. Teens can be cruel and less tolorant, I understand this, but you will grow into your personality.

Just don't worry about it. This is one of things that will sort itself out.

And when a coversation comes to a dead end, just start talking about the price of gas.

Always a "get out of jail free" card, no matter the crowd.

[Clough]

Hi, survivorboi!

Do you have many people in your life whom you would consider to be your friends? What do you like to do for the enrichment of yourself and entertainment, please?

Thanks!

[survivorboi]

Thanks guy. But to me, starting a conversation and very hard because of my confident. Its not as easy as, talk about the price of gas, I am 13. I'm in 7th grade, 7th graders do not talk about things as gas. I also felt very vulnerable and small in public, especially towards others of my age. But at home, it's very opposite, I'm the clown of the house! I felt as if nothing could stop me, NOTHING! In public like I said, even minor disagreement will totally make my self-esteem PLUNGE! It's very hard, once in a while I get confident spurts, I feel like nothing could stop me, for like half an hour. Then it ends. People often say "Are you high!? You aren't often like this!" But I'm, or, the real me.

[andrewc24301]

Hello survior:

I know how you feel. And I can actually say "I know how you feel". I was in your shoes, probably worse.

For my entire life I have lived with various things that made me unusual. One of the biggest ones that stand out is the fact that ever since I have had hair, I've had a "bald spot" about the size of two quarters right on the top of my head.

This may not sound like much now, it now that I'm grown up, most people don't notice it, sure every once in a while someone ask about it. BUT when I was in school, it was the source of constant ridicule.

When I was in 7th grade, I had only one friend. They called him "stinky" he lived in a old run down trailer a few miles away. He didn't fit in no more than I did. Sadly, as we both entered our teenage years, we parted ways. We never fought, we just silently took different paths, Aaron (the boys name) started getting into "goth" and found acceptance in that croud. I myself just took care of my father when he started to get ill. So with that, I stayed "clean" meaning I never got into drugs, or drinking or anything, I don't even smoke, but Aaron, I'm sad to say, died about 5 years ago of a drug overdose.

Regarding other things that set me apart, was I was terrible at sports. I never learned how to play ANYTHING. At recess the only thing I did was sit on the bleachers and court purty girls. Which was another thing I wasn't good at. Girls avoided me tremendoulsy. And I've never had a lot of girlfriends. Only two.

Confidence? I had none, I went through all of the same stuff you are going through. At one time, when I was about your age, I told my father I just wanted to die. Dad helped me through that stage in my life.

Looking back now, I wish I had the confidence then, that I do now. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

But I can't. But YOU are still in that age, it's not to late for you. I'm not trying to hijack your thread and tell you my life story, I'm just trying to give you stories so you know, you are not alone, and you are not the first one to go through this, and you are not the last.

Even throughout high school, the only crowd that would accept me and not spit spit balls at me, pull my pants down, and throw toilet paper on me was the learning disorder kids (LD kids) Although I myself never had a learning disorder, they were still the only friends I had.

Things got somewhat better when I got my licence and a job, working at a Subway. I even got a girlfriend, who I was foolish enough to marry because I didn't think I could do any better. Only to find out a year after that that she was having extra marital affairs. I was devistated, but ironically I rose from that minor depression. It was at that point my life took a major turn. I learned that I need to live life for ME, because people, friends, family, even spouces and so called "soul mates" COME AND GO, and the only one left at the end to pick up the pieces is YOU.

Once that happened, I started living my life for me. My conidence grew, and it began to show. I began speaking to more people. To this day, I still don't have any real "friends" but I've reached a point where I really don't care. I'm not lonely at all. I've been an only child, and a picked on school kid all my life. I'm well adjusted to this life. And if people choose to like me, that's great. If not, then I don't really care, I'm not going to changy myself for others, anymore. When I walk into a new place, I almost dance in there and light up the room. People are delighted with me, yet thet don't know my name.

I pay my taxes, my bills, do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and if someone has a problem with it, there's the door. I'm not afraid of making a scene when nessesary, walking outside in my underwear, or speaking my mind, even if I'm the only one who feels that way.

Confidence with an iron fist.

Confidence buddy, confidence, forsaking all others. Believe in yourself, trust me, nobody else is going to do it for you.

Life is to short to go around worrying about what everyone thinks about you. People in general are ___holes. Once you realize that, the happier you will be.

[andrewc24301]

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention, in this road of life, love your mama.

Nobody will love you more than her. And on this road, you will stumble, for some reason, mama is always there.

[rockerchick_682]

Everyone feels this way at one point or another. What teenager isn't a bit awkward? Relax about it, it's normal. This isn't something that you can fix quickly, but you can work on being more comfortable around people. The next time you're feeling nervous just take a deep breath and try not to care what other people think. They might be feeling the same way you are.