[freshperspectiv]

Hi,
I hope everyone had a great holiday! My ex had broken up with me about a week ago. The way she did was very immature in that she simply stopped talking to me cold. I think I know what the issue with that is.
Anyway, I sent her a letter since she had refused to answer my emails or phone calls or text messages letting her know that I understand the break up and I am OK with it. And I am. I know she really cares about me and I know she is hurt... I was a great guy to her and she had told me that before the breakup. I think this is her defense mechanism kicking it.

So my question is I was close to her son, and his birthday is this week. Should I send a card? One side of me says yes because I love the kid but the other side says that will be interpretted as trying to open lines of communications through her kids. It's tough for me... because I am a very caring person but I am new to how we need to "act" during breakups.

[talaniman]

How long was this relationship going on and what were the circumstances of the break up?

[freshperspectiv]

Only 6 months... the breakup stems around that she has challenges around trusting men in general.
I am in the military and leaving in a month so to ask her wait I think may have been asking too much. During the 6 month period, she broke up with me about 2 or 3 times stating things were "strange" or "wierd". She would sent it by text and then stop talking to me cold. No phone call explanation.. nothing. I didn't get it at first but now I do. She is petrified because I think she fell hard for me so between that and me leaving(I will be gone for 6 months), I think she chose to just cut it off completely. I was completely sincere about how I felt and my commitment. That's my thought at least.
I can't help that situation, I did nothing wrong. I was real mad at first but since have let go of the anger and been more compassionate. I still care about her a lot but if she chooses not to talk to me, so be it. I can only do so much right?

[Mom of 2]

The one thing that you need to understand about kids is that they become VERY attached to people and that when people exit from their lives, they then have to deal with abandonment issues. I know that it was not YOUR choice to leave the relationship and you are trying to do the right thing.

I think that if you had a close relationship with her kid, you could send a card to him/her. However, there is no guarantee that she will give her child the card. I am slightly concerned about the fact that she has issues regarding trusting males, yet she introduces male adults to her children and then turns around and breaks off the relationship. Although I feel for you because I don't feel that her reason for breaking it off were "good" reasons, I really feel concern for her children. Sounds like this girl has MAJOR issues and she is going to do a lot of harm to her children if she continues to act in the way that she is acting.

Just my opinion, as I believe that I am assuming a lot since there is not a lot of information regarding the relationship. However, just curious about how far off I am in my assumptions.

[talaniman]

I think you make this a clean break and disappear from their lives at this time. I just think any more contact, does more harm than good.

[Mom of 2]

The more that I think about this, the more I agree with Tal's suggestion of making a clean break. Although I feel for the child that he/she will lose yet another person in their life, it is reaching beyond boundaries for you to try and stay in contact with this child. This is her child and not yours. I just hope that your ex will think better in the future with whom she introduces to her child. However, that is beyond your control and concern at this time. Hope all goes well with you.

By the way, thank you for doing what you do for our country!! Know that there are people who totally support and admire what you do.