[LiLibell]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now, and I love him to pieces, in some ways he's the best thing that ever happened to me, but about a year and a half ago, he cheated on me with one of his ex's, right the cheating bit needs some explaining, the ex had been my best friend and was the reason me and my boyfriend met, but for about 2 months before he cheated with her, she had been constantly bad mouthing me to him and flirting, she even told him she loved him numerous times, now I'm not trying to defend his actions, but these are the facts, I warned him away from her, I told him that she was trying to get close to him and he refused to see it but this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me, it seems that most of my boyfriends haven't been able to see when another girl wants them, I felt badly threatened and was getting quite nervvy, but I was living with it. The one day she followd him home and invited herself into his house, at this point I'd like to say I have this story confirmed in almost exactly these words from him and her, in case it sounds one sided, but anyway, she invited herself in and she kissed him, apparently he didn't kiss her back, but nor did he push her away, and supposedly this happened numerous times. I was shocked and humiliated when he told me, and she had warned him from telling me so I suppose that he did is a point in his favour, but it hurt like hell after all the times he swore he would never do anything like that, especially not with her. After this I told him I was willing to give our relationship another go, becsue I genuinely didn't want to break up, I love him, and I asked him not to speak to her again, I thought this might be a little unreasonable, but it was the only way I could conceive us staying together, and I thought he wanted that as much as I did, he agreed and assured me it was totally reasonable, and was really guilty for like a month. Then about three months after we'd gotten back together, I discovered they'd been e-mailing and texting each other, now at this point I was going through a very bad patch, I had been attacked by an ex-boyfriend of mine and was going through the proceedings of the arrest when he killed himself and left a note saying some damaging things, and my boyfriend never talks to me about this, never comforts me or broaches the subject at all, I could deal with this, though I wasn't happy about it, but he had been talking to his ex girlfriend, to whine and moan about me, and this fact really hurt. At this time I didn't feel strong enough to go through a break-up, so I just confronted him, he apologised and that was that, but recently I've caught him talking to her again, or perhaps she started it, I'm not sure, I've confronted him and he says he's really sorry and he'll never do it again, but how on earth am I supposed to trust him? He could be doing all sorts behind my back and he's so good at hiding it I wouldn't know, this might be paranoier, but I'm so scared of being hurt again, and he's done it before, I just don't know how to trust him, but I really really want to! Please help, any advice would be appreciated
Thank you
X

[N0help4u]

One thing you can do is tell him that if he wants to be with her then GO with her. Tell him that if he is not happy with you then you see no reason to live a lie. The choice is his so you might as well make it clear and open rather than walk on eggshells about what he wants. If you continue with him when he may want her what is the point a few more months together before it does fall apart.
Possibly by telling him that he is free to leave you for her will open the door for him to tell you where he sees things between the two of you and how he really feels about her.
If his heart is really with her you are fighting a losing battle.

[jennifer1010]

I don't understand how you can love someone without trusting them. What if he is cheating on you? You'll never know because as you said he's good at hiding it. He doesn't even comfort you when your down. He isn't doing a good boyfriend job. I don't know how I would trust someone like that... and I don't think you should be dealing with someone like that.

[talaniman]

How many of his apologies will you accept, before your tired of the same thing happening, over and over??

[LoveStoned]

He's being unfaithful to you. When your in a relationship its for the interest of one person only. If not that's where casual dating comes into place where no strings are attatched. He could do whatever he pleases and you can do whatever you please as well.

If you see he is not being good to you then leave the relationship and look for someone who will appreciate and care for you.

[debdoes]

Why are you dating your "best friends" ex? That is low...

[zeeniee]

Hi LiLibell,
Trust is a v important thing in a relationship- okay if it is broken once- two people can work on it and get it back- but from the above it sounds like its breaking all the time. YOu don't sound happy with this relationship and th eproblem keeps coming and coming and is not going anyway. Your just going round and round in a crazy circle.
Free yourself and be free and find someone who would treat you so much better!
Sadly he is not a loyal person and will just keep on breaking your heart and soul. The EX is still in the picture and he has not move on from her.That is not fair to you at all. He should not be in a relationship at all.He does not deserve it.

[LiLibell]

Why are you dating your "best friends" ex? That is low....

Perhaps I chose not to judge him on his ex, more that I liked him, so I wanted to go out with him, I don't actually feel bad about being with him, more bad about what he did to me and the fact that I just can't let it go no matter how hard I try