[all4best]

My mom has suffered pretty rough empty nest syndrome I think (2 daughters in/out of college) going out more with friends, staying out late at night, while her husband (my dad) of 23 years enjoys just being at home and simple things. Xmas I, always the nosy child, decided to look at my moms phone... she is always texting and its so annoying!. right in her phone is a thread of texts from a woman's name, who I soon discover is a man saying I love you and I miss you and too bad I can't call with everyone there and thanks for the cologne, etc... STUNNED, shaking, heart pounding out of my body, I slowly walk to my room. And freak out. My mom is downstairs with my older sister... I call her up to my room and flip out. She tries to shut me up and tell me that it's a guy who is into her and she has tried to break it off... it escalates and everyone is in my room, mom grabs phone and deletes all texts, tries to deny things, dad storms out, I am crying and yelling how could she do this to us... we find out this has been since June and its more than just texting. It is now 3 days after xmas. How do I deal with this? I am burdened by my mom telling me she wished I had talked to her in private first... my grandmother (her mom) saying the same thing and telling me constantly that if anything happens to my mom its my fault!. details are coming out that make the "affair" even worse. What should I look forward to dealing with in terms of the very real possibility of parents divorce as a college student? How can I look at my mom and still truly love her?. its so hard explaining everything here, but I feel like I need some sort of advice. My sister and I NEVER saw that our parents would EVER divorce.

[pimp_mah_alpaka]

Its hard when someone's parents divorce.. and its even harder when your own mother AND grandmother say its your fault.
First thing is- it was no where near your fault. If your mother was truly loyal to your father, she would have done everything to stop. But she hasn't, its been going on for months and texting isn't the only thing they've done.
Help your dad through it all, if your mum and granny are going to say that its your fault then you shouldn't waste your time helping them. Just think about what your father is feeling
And look after your sister to. Help each other through the bad times and savour the good times

Remember- its not your fault that this is happening.. and never will be

Stay strong

[all4best]

Thanks for your caring response.
How I deal with the fact that my dad is pretty much planning on filing for divorce while he fakes the fact that he is going to try to work it out. He is heartbroken and the more and more he finds out about the affair, the more he just wants to get even. This is my mom, who I love, who has been such a great mother in our childhood... is she confused? Doesn't my dad owe it to her to work it ouT!? They were like best friends growing up!. and she thinks that they are going to try therapy to work out their problems (but my dad just discovered today that my mom, who cried to my sister and I last night telling us she is a horrible person and so sorry for putting us through all this, is still talking to this hole). IM SO CONFUSED and sad!

[Choux]

Go apologize to your mother for your bad behavior... spying on her, creating an uproar, and generally being disruptive. That is the first step in healing.

It is your parent's relationship, that relationship is between them to heal or not.

At this point in life, it is your responsibility to get an education and work part-time, not interfere. Also, go have a few sessions with a therapist so you can express your emotions about the situation; she can help you grow through the upset you feel.

Best wishes,

[ZoeMarie]

Going through your mom's texts, yes, was wrong, but it's not your fault she was unfaithful. Talking to a therapist about what you're feeling is probably your best bet. Be there for your parents if they need you, but don't put yourself in the middle.

[pimp_mah_alpaka]

Go apologize to your mother for your bad behavior....spying on her, creating an uproar, and generally being disruptive. That is the first step in healing.

It is your parent's relationship, that relationship is between them to heal or not.

At this point in life, it is your responsibility to get an education and work part-time, not interfere. Also, go have a few sessions with a therapist so you can express your emotions about the situation; she can help you grow through the upset you feel.

Best wishes,

(Y) <-- that's a thumbs up ^^
great advice, though I also agree with zoe marie. It wasn't her fault that she was unfaithful